blogging is most appropriate right now.
today was so....STUPID.
this is how it went, in a nutshell.
-sleepy/neutral
-annoyed (texts)
-relaxed (shower)
-good
-good
-great
-alright
-blah
-giddy
-cold (grillin)
-joyful
-satisfied (moes)
-freezing
-happy
-just okay
-bored
-growing tired, really really bored
-angry
-frustrated
-unconscious (nap)
-MAD
-let down
-bias
-fun
-cute
-awkward
-really awkward
-home.
Each day I feel like I pick something new up about a person. Whether it be delightful, or unpleasant. If there is one thing I cherish more, it's feeling comfortable enough to confide in someone. To get treated with pure honesty. It disappoints me to no end when I learn that someone I enjoy shows some of those traits. Especially when there are two completely different stories on both sides and you just want to believe them both because they sound so good from that persons P.O.V.
I'm so sick of the "he said/she said" games. She said that you said this and that about me, but he said that you did this and that, yeah but she blah blah blah, no i never told him any of that, no she told me you said this. Jesus Christ.
It's too much, I feel way past this. Just fucking be straight up with me, don't worry about my 'feelings'.
The Grillin today had it's ups and downs. I saw some people I haven't for a while, talked to them for a bit, that was good. I wasn't in a social mood at all today however and didn't really feel like talking to anyone or meeting any of the people I haven't met before there (which was surprisingly more than I thought). I enjoy these people, don't get me wrong. And I usually have fun at these gatherings but for some reason I wasn't feeling it today. Usually I'm more outgoing and put myself in more conversations and strike things up but today all i thought about doing was going home. And I probably would have but Erin drove me. The truth is, I don't hang around those kids enough to be able to comfortably weave myself in little conversations. Not today atleast. Wasn't one of my better days. Also It's been kind of bothering me that I have felt so inferior to this in particular person. She's pretty, sweet, basically everything I think I'm not. She's like, 'the golden girl'. It seems like she has what it takes to get whoever or whatever she wants, and while I really enjoy her I still feel kind of low compared to her. Maybe it's my fault, that I will sit and compare myself to someone. But all these guys are in love with her and she doesn't have to do much for them to be taken away by her while I feel the complete opposite. It's just been this weird little thing that has been eating at me the last few days and it's nice to write it down instead of locking it in my head. I know it's a stupid thing to be bothered by, I'm just....too hard on myself sometimes I guess. And for the cherry on top (by the way, I hate starting my sentences with 'And' I know it's incorrect english in most cases but I don't care, who is judging?) anyways, for the cherry on top, I felt as if I was getting a bunch of young aged worthless drama hurled at me from two people that really mattered to me. I thought that act was put to an end and buried into a deep grave. While it all seemed juvenile and stupid, some of it really did kind of hurt, just seeing how the day was strewn about.
When the day was slowly ending, Catie & I and others went to the movies to see Nine.
It was a very enticing movie, very sexy. Penelope Cruz did a little sexy strip tease [she is SO gorgeous: I love her!], and Nicole Kidman had a sexy role as well. It was taken from a Broadway play, I wasn't too crazy over the movie though but it wasn't not worth it either.
All of us ate at Fancy Q before hand, I got a yummy Philadelphia roll and they gave us this tasty fried oreos & whipped cream thing for dessert. It was only the second thing I had to eat all day. Normally my days have consisted of eating one or two meals. It hasn't been three in god knows how long. Not because I am self conscious of my body (which I guess I kind of am but that has nothing to do with how I diet), it's really just because I don't find the time and I'm not hungry that often. The benefits of this of course is the weight that I lose.
If I had a list for everyone that I miss in some way, it would be a really long list. The list would contain people that I haven't seen in years, people that I haven't seen in what-seems-to-be-a-while-but-really-isnt-but-they-are-so-close-to-me-that-it-feels-like-forever, people who have changed immensely and seem like the old them is dead and gone, people who are here that I feel don't exist when they should, people that I feel I should see more often that I don't. It would be a really long list. All in all, I miss so many people.
Oh, I REALLY want to dress up as a pin-up girl by the way. so badly.
they are absolutely fantastic. the outfits are so seductively glam!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
hiiiiii,
christmas is unbelievably soon. this is the first year where it literally crept up on me.
It feels like yesterday that i was cutting up construction paper making those little christmas countdown chains.
Now, it's just someone random saying: oh hey, christmas is this week.
i don't even remember december starting. this year has flown by too fast, now it's time to embrace 2010 when I haven't even gotten used to 2009 yet.
all this year was filled with was mass celebrity deaths and everyone covering themselves in fear of the 2012 conspiracy.
the only conspiracy i've wrapped too much of my time in is, (do i have to say it?) UFOs!
anyways, back to christmas. I've done my shopping. I got my mother a nice necklace from J Crew and my dad a Polo shirt, (but that was just from target) and I got my sister a brown fleece jacket. I will not name any of the gifts I got for my friends because maybe they are reading this, who knows.
I miss Lacie :( I really wish she was here this year. No one is home this year. It's going to be so different, not having two places to go for christmas. staying up all night watching funny videos on youtube with my sisters by the fire place, making our cats have conversations in english and spanish accents. sometimes chinese or black people accents. absolutely no one understands us, or our humor. it's also traditional that we watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. All my stupid dad likes to watch are shakira shake down videos and christina aguilera christmas music. and jazz & classical music, which isnt bad.
UGH!
I want to be with my sisters right now sooooo bad.
and i'm sick.
this sucks.
it's just a little cold right now, and i have to work tomorrow from 2-5 or 2-6. something like that, it's going to be incredibly busy!
hopefully i get some visits, i love being visited more than anything.
it's pretty nifty.
well, i could write more about my feelings or my thoughts..
but i'm not.
i'm kind of over this blog.
bye!
christmas is unbelievably soon. this is the first year where it literally crept up on me.
It feels like yesterday that i was cutting up construction paper making those little christmas countdown chains.
Now, it's just someone random saying: oh hey, christmas is this week.i don't even remember december starting. this year has flown by too fast, now it's time to embrace 2010 when I haven't even gotten used to 2009 yet.
all this year was filled with was mass celebrity deaths and everyone covering themselves in fear of the 2012 conspiracy.
the only conspiracy i've wrapped too much of my time in is, (do i have to say it?) UFOs!
anyways, back to christmas. I've done my shopping. I got my mother a nice necklace from J Crew and my dad a Polo shirt, (but that was just from target) and I got my sister a brown fleece jacket. I will not name any of the gifts I got for my friends because maybe they are reading this, who knows.
I miss Lacie :( I really wish she was here this year. No one is home this year. It's going to be so different, not having two places to go for christmas. staying up all night watching funny videos on youtube with my sisters by the fire place, making our cats have conversations in english and spanish accents. sometimes chinese or black people accents. absolutely no one understands us, or our humor. it's also traditional that we watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. All my stupid dad likes to watch are shakira shake down videos and christina aguilera christmas music. and jazz & classical music, which isnt bad.
UGH!
I want to be with my sisters right now sooooo bad.
and i'm sick.
this sucks.
it's just a little cold right now, and i have to work tomorrow from 2-5 or 2-6. something like that, it's going to be incredibly busy!
hopefully i get some visits, i love being visited more than anything.
it's pretty nifty.
well, i could write more about my feelings or my thoughts..
but i'm not.
i'm kind of over this blog.
bye!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
why the hell is everyone a pokemon this month?
it's annoying, when half of (or how it seems) my friends list have these little display pictures of pokemon.
meh, whatever. i sold pokemon cards in like 5th grade in this huge binder of mine. i had so many, and i would buy them from this little shop on Main Street. I forgot what it was called...legends or something?
anyways, that era should be far over!
maybe i am just bitter.
this weekend i have plans to go christmas shopping. so i'd like to get a vague idea of who i am purchasing gifts for and what kind of things people want. they have to be sort of small. depending on your importance to me of course. ;] tehe.
So, I've been seeing these X's in the sky lately. usually when the sky starts getting darker.
it almost looks like black clouds shaped as little X's.
Tonight I saw a really big X. Almost as if it was some portal or something, then I tried taking a picture of it. But on the camera, it was just sky.
They say that the dark plays with your mind, but in this case it isn't that dark. It's a little after sunset when there is still enough light to see clouds and stars. you know what I mean? I don't know, I feel ridiculous.
Last night I woke up to porn. Cinemax, or how many people say it (SKIN-emax).
I dosed off around, eh, 11. Then I guess Matt kept IM'ing me around midnight or so and I woke up, must of been a light sleep. So i hear moaning, and i'm like, hm i wonder if knocked up is on or maybe hannah montana.
I look up and i see this ethnic couple in a sauna, the girl sitting on his lap bouncing up and down (for those who don't know this position, it's the reverse cowgirl.) and i was just like, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK cause i remember falling asleep to some cheesy romance movie or something. I click info and it was like, deeeeeeeep erotic something: 2.
I dont really know I didnt stick around to read it, i changed the channel immediately. I feel awkward watching that kind of stuff! I mean, what if I actually got turned on at some mediocre soft-core porn with Enrique-wannabes?!
how awful would that be!
luckily, this was just a coincidence. I mean, I have no problem with classy well structured porn. Although none of it is anything you'd ever really find me watching unless it was involved with a man and we were fulfilling some fantasy, but, whatever.
So. Todays grocery store adventures held interesting happenings.
I got hit on in the frozen food section by a 70 something year old man (looked healthy, not scrawny, possible heart disease?) basically telling me that i looked fertile, ew! I had my coat in the front of my cart and we were side-by-side looking at frozen things and he said "so doll, what will you be enjoying tonight?"
i say "excuse me?"
"food, darlin." with a smile.
"oh, ha, just frozen waffles i guess." and i reach to pick out my selected waffles and he looks at my coat in the cart. tells me that he thought it was a baby in there. I say, no sir, much too young for that...
"you look like you are old enough to have all the children you want"
"...um. thanks? what's your name?"
"Ed. a lovely lady like you must have a handsome man at home"
"nope ed, no man. there are only boys where i'm from. i am only 17, you know."
"17, get out of town. if i'm making you uncomfortable at all, i'll just be on my way"
"no no, that isnt it. but i should go, i have to meet up with a couple friends. it was really nice meeting you ed."
"you too doll" with a tip of his hat, he was gone.
now, i dialogued that as best as i could, that was basically how the random conversation went.
i just find it so silly, haha. men that age cant even really get it up anymore without the help of medication. what do they care?
anyways, it was really odd to say the least.
just so we're on the same page, i DONT like old men. ugh!
besides, the only man who will always have the ability to win my heart is the one and only michael cera :] that or andy samberg.
bridget and i had one of our long nightly chats tonight and i realized how much i dearly love her.
we always say the right things to each other, just the best of friends. if we were a guy and a girl, we'd so date because of how much we'd mesh! we have the right things in common, yet differ in so many ways.
thats why i'm glad we are best friends. : )
that was so disney channel.
i can get so lame in blogs.
i'm gonna go,
-mel
it's annoying, when half of (or how it seems) my friends list have these little display pictures of pokemon.
meh, whatever. i sold pokemon cards in like 5th grade in this huge binder of mine. i had so many, and i would buy them from this little shop on Main Street. I forgot what it was called...legends or something?
anyways, that era should be far over!
maybe i am just bitter.
this weekend i have plans to go christmas shopping. so i'd like to get a vague idea of who i am purchasing gifts for and what kind of things people want. they have to be sort of small. depending on your importance to me of course. ;] tehe.
So, I've been seeing these X's in the sky lately. usually when the sky starts getting darker.
it almost looks like black clouds shaped as little X's.
Tonight I saw a really big X. Almost as if it was some portal or something, then I tried taking a picture of it. But on the camera, it was just sky.
They say that the dark plays with your mind, but in this case it isn't that dark. It's a little after sunset when there is still enough light to see clouds and stars. you know what I mean? I don't know, I feel ridiculous.
Last night I woke up to porn. Cinemax, or how many people say it (SKIN-emax).
I dosed off around, eh, 11. Then I guess Matt kept IM'ing me around midnight or so and I woke up, must of been a light sleep. So i hear moaning, and i'm like, hm i wonder if knocked up is on or maybe hannah montana.
I look up and i see this ethnic couple in a sauna, the girl sitting on his lap bouncing up and down (for those who don't know this position, it's the reverse cowgirl.) and i was just like, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK cause i remember falling asleep to some cheesy romance movie or something. I click info and it was like, deeeeeeeep erotic something: 2.
I dont really know I didnt stick around to read it, i changed the channel immediately. I feel awkward watching that kind of stuff! I mean, what if I actually got turned on at some mediocre soft-core porn with Enrique-wannabes?!
how awful would that be!
luckily, this was just a coincidence. I mean, I have no problem with classy well structured porn. Although none of it is anything you'd ever really find me watching unless it was involved with a man and we were fulfilling some fantasy, but, whatever.
So. Todays grocery store adventures held interesting happenings.
I got hit on in the frozen food section by a 70 something year old man (looked healthy, not scrawny, possible heart disease?) basically telling me that i looked fertile, ew! I had my coat in the front of my cart and we were side-by-side looking at frozen things and he said "so doll, what will you be enjoying tonight?"
i say "excuse me?"
"food, darlin." with a smile.
"oh, ha, just frozen waffles i guess." and i reach to pick out my selected waffles and he looks at my coat in the cart. tells me that he thought it was a baby in there. I say, no sir, much too young for that...
"you look like you are old enough to have all the children you want"
"...um. thanks? what's your name?"
"Ed. a lovely lady like you must have a handsome man at home"
"nope ed, no man. there are only boys where i'm from. i am only 17, you know."
"17, get out of town. if i'm making you uncomfortable at all, i'll just be on my way"
"no no, that isnt it. but i should go, i have to meet up with a couple friends. it was really nice meeting you ed."
"you too doll" with a tip of his hat, he was gone.
now, i dialogued that as best as i could, that was basically how the random conversation went.
i just find it so silly, haha. men that age cant even really get it up anymore without the help of medication. what do they care?
anyways, it was really odd to say the least.
just so we're on the same page, i DONT like old men. ugh!
besides, the only man who will always have the ability to win my heart is the one and only michael cera :] that or andy samberg.
bridget and i had one of our long nightly chats tonight and i realized how much i dearly love her.
we always say the right things to each other, just the best of friends. if we were a guy and a girl, we'd so date because of how much we'd mesh! we have the right things in common, yet differ in so many ways.
thats why i'm glad we are best friends. : )
that was so disney channel.
i can get so lame in blogs.
i'm gonna go,
-mel
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
my mouth is touching your mouth, is running. no loving for nothing, knock my body out.
today was scary :(
I slammed my finger in the door and i was like FUUUUCK, this hurts so bad. and i looked down and my fingernail was like, bleeding. I didn't think much of it until i was sitting there and my heart just started speeding up and i felt really woozy. i thought it was because of how bad it hurt and seeing blood. then i felt like i was going to throw up immediately, but weirdly enough i never did. instead my vision got all weird and slowly brighter and brighter until i couldn't see at all. then i tried talking and i couldnt hear myself. so i tried getting myself downstairs to my half-brother michael for some help and i could barely make it down the stairs without passing out at the bottom. i felt like i was knocked out for forever, but having a glass of water really helped. i have no idea why that happened, but my sister said i had a panic attack because of the stupid pain. but i had to have been stressed out about something too. i guess you can say that sounds correct. mentally i'm not the healthiest person. i thought i've been better too but i don't know, i have really deep lows.
anyways, i'm fine now, can't really feel my finger though but it's okay. after i felt better i went over to bridgets yet again to play another game of apples to apples with bridget tony abby and gianna. bridgets mom had just gotten a chemical peel and looked a little ridiculous haha, but i love her anyways. we were getting ready to go to a school game thing and had a little photoshoot in the midst of it all. i'll post some pictures after this blog is done being typed : )
i'm a little bummed about this upcoming christmas. it'll be the first christmas where none of my family is in town, well basically none. Lacie just got married as you all know, and she & zack live in Hawaii so I think they are spending it there or with his family in Washington. Natalie & her husband Terry are spending time with his family this year since they were with my family last year. it's almost like visitation between children and their parents haha. Taking turns with eachothers families for christmas. And Andre and his wife Lindsey & my niece live in Wyoming with Lindsey's family because they can't afford to live on their own anywhere else. So buying a ticket to come here is definitely out of the question. It's also my turn to wake up at my dads house for christmas, basically meaning my mom has to spend a majority of it alone which really kills me. I know her boyfriend was shit and we all hated him but at least she had someone she 'loved' to spend holidays with but now she has absolutely no one. I know she's made mistakes with us but she's still my mother and I don't want to see her lonely on Christmas, but luckily i think she is going up to visit my sister and them for christmas. I guess I wont be spending much time in Beaufort for Christmas. This sucks, especially because I fucking miss Lacie. Holidays aren't the same without her.
I hate Christmas though, when you don't have that 'special person' to buy a gift for and be all cute with, but hey there is always bridget haha. She is also easy to pick presents out for. I will be getting all my friends gifts this year, though. I won't be able to spend much. Ugh, I just hope I have a good Christmas.
Scott Frank keeps calling me to hang out but I am finding myself less interested in hanging out with him as time goes by. Only because I had a weird dream about him. We went to New York and he was being such an asshole to me, kept grabbing me in inappropriate places and then I told him I was afraid of fire or something (which is weird cause I'm really not) & he kept lighting matches in my face and laughing. Now I just think of him as a prick because of that dream haha, and i take it out on him in reality. isn't that weird? I wonder if anyone else changes their view on people because of a dream they have about them. Maybe it's just me but I need to stop doing that because it's just a terrible concept! I'm making people out to be something that they probably arent.
My dad is going out of town tomorrow until saturday. Meaning I'll have a lot of nights alone in this house, it's kinda scary. But exciting at the same time, no curfew! My dad makes NO sense haha. When he's home he will treat me like i'm twelve but when he leaves the state he wont care what i'm doing while he's gone. Theres no rules, all he said was to not throw a party. And trust me, this time i'm DEFINITELY not. How stupid, if i didn't the last time i'd still have a fucking ipod.
whoever is still reading this and is somewhat interested in these random aspects of my life, i love you! that's very sweet of you!
now i could have sworn there was some other things i wanted to say...
it'll come to me i'm sure. and if it does I'll save it for the next blogs presence.
now it's picture time.
I slammed my finger in the door and i was like FUUUUCK, this hurts so bad. and i looked down and my fingernail was like, bleeding. I didn't think much of it until i was sitting there and my heart just started speeding up and i felt really woozy. i thought it was because of how bad it hurt and seeing blood. then i felt like i was going to throw up immediately, but weirdly enough i never did. instead my vision got all weird and slowly brighter and brighter until i couldn't see at all. then i tried talking and i couldnt hear myself. so i tried getting myself downstairs to my half-brother michael for some help and i could barely make it down the stairs without passing out at the bottom. i felt like i was knocked out for forever, but having a glass of water really helped. i have no idea why that happened, but my sister said i had a panic attack because of the stupid pain. but i had to have been stressed out about something too. i guess you can say that sounds correct. mentally i'm not the healthiest person. i thought i've been better too but i don't know, i have really deep lows.
anyways, i'm fine now, can't really feel my finger though but it's okay. after i felt better i went over to bridgets yet again to play another game of apples to apples with bridget tony abby and gianna. bridgets mom had just gotten a chemical peel and looked a little ridiculous haha, but i love her anyways. we were getting ready to go to a school game thing and had a little photoshoot in the midst of it all. i'll post some pictures after this blog is done being typed : )
i'm a little bummed about this upcoming christmas. it'll be the first christmas where none of my family is in town, well basically none. Lacie just got married as you all know, and she & zack live in Hawaii so I think they are spending it there or with his family in Washington. Natalie & her husband Terry are spending time with his family this year since they were with my family last year. it's almost like visitation between children and their parents haha. Taking turns with eachothers families for christmas. And Andre and his wife Lindsey & my niece live in Wyoming with Lindsey's family because they can't afford to live on their own anywhere else. So buying a ticket to come here is definitely out of the question. It's also my turn to wake up at my dads house for christmas, basically meaning my mom has to spend a majority of it alone which really kills me. I know her boyfriend was shit and we all hated him but at least she had someone she 'loved' to spend holidays with but now she has absolutely no one. I know she's made mistakes with us but she's still my mother and I don't want to see her lonely on Christmas, but luckily i think she is going up to visit my sister and them for christmas. I guess I wont be spending much time in Beaufort for Christmas. This sucks, especially because I fucking miss Lacie. Holidays aren't the same without her.
I hate Christmas though, when you don't have that 'special person' to buy a gift for and be all cute with, but hey there is always bridget haha. She is also easy to pick presents out for. I will be getting all my friends gifts this year, though. I won't be able to spend much. Ugh, I just hope I have a good Christmas.
Scott Frank keeps calling me to hang out but I am finding myself less interested in hanging out with him as time goes by. Only because I had a weird dream about him. We went to New York and he was being such an asshole to me, kept grabbing me in inappropriate places and then I told him I was afraid of fire or something (which is weird cause I'm really not) & he kept lighting matches in my face and laughing. Now I just think of him as a prick because of that dream haha, and i take it out on him in reality. isn't that weird? I wonder if anyone else changes their view on people because of a dream they have about them. Maybe it's just me but I need to stop doing that because it's just a terrible concept! I'm making people out to be something that they probably arent.
My dad is going out of town tomorrow until saturday. Meaning I'll have a lot of nights alone in this house, it's kinda scary. But exciting at the same time, no curfew! My dad makes NO sense haha. When he's home he will treat me like i'm twelve but when he leaves the state he wont care what i'm doing while he's gone. Theres no rules, all he said was to not throw a party. And trust me, this time i'm DEFINITELY not. How stupid, if i didn't the last time i'd still have a fucking ipod.
whoever is still reading this and is somewhat interested in these random aspects of my life, i love you! that's very sweet of you!
now i could have sworn there was some other things i wanted to say...
it'll come to me i'm sure. and if it does I'll save it for the next blogs presence.
now it's picture time.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Oh take it all away, I don't feel it anymore.
hiiiii,
i hope everyone had an amazing day.
last night i had dinner with an old friend, that was nice.
it was good to see him.
and today i had a lot of things to do around the house and school work.
then i went over to bridgets house where we made a frozen pizza waiting for tonys arrival.
he wanted to play apples to apples with us, i lost as always.
then we just kind of hung around and cameron met up with us to play soccer in a huge field.
i'm not bad anymore! ha i used to play in 3rd grade and i retained some skills i guess.
i can name a few people who would be impressed by this. haha!
work tonight felt so loooong. i had a long chat with one of my managers, she shared her personal love life stories with me and sexual encounters while i awkwardly nodded along. its weird knowing someone only in the work place then hearing about how she bones this guy who is her friend nightly asking me for my opinion on whether she should date him or not. i said, nah, once you have been sleeping with him for this long he's never really going to take you seriously anyways and you dont want to lose a 3 year friendship with him. she's really pretty and a few years older than me and i was surprised to know that she's only into black men. she didn't seem like that type at all, oh well. speaking of work! aw, i helped this adorable foreign father get all these christmas presents. it was kind of annoying because he had 5 pages of clothes his kids picked out from abercrombie and fitch and most of it was clothes the only had online so i took him around the store finding everything similar to what he wanted. i ended up having him spend over 200 dollars!
i heard either today or yesterday that someone was a lesbian now (...or 'bi' technically? i'm not sure what) and i have to say i was really surprised. I had no idea she'd ever be into that. Although I don't know too much of her anyways.
i'm learning bohemian rhapsody on the piano, the elegant part of it. ha i cant wait til i master it, then i'll be playing the same songs i always play for my friends and then just surprise them with a random Queen song.
I'm going to wrap this blog up with this. Matt showed me this short film tonight and i think it's the cutest thing ever, although really predictable at the same time.
it's some '500 days of summer' type shit. i'm surprised he even liked this sort of stuff.
i hope everyone had an amazing day.
last night i had dinner with an old friend, that was nice.
it was good to see him.
and today i had a lot of things to do around the house and school work.
then i went over to bridgets house where we made a frozen pizza waiting for tonys arrival.
he wanted to play apples to apples with us, i lost as always.
then we just kind of hung around and cameron met up with us to play soccer in a huge field.
i'm not bad anymore! ha i used to play in 3rd grade and i retained some skills i guess.
i can name a few people who would be impressed by this. haha!
work tonight felt so loooong. i had a long chat with one of my managers, she shared her personal love life stories with me and sexual encounters while i awkwardly nodded along. its weird knowing someone only in the work place then hearing about how she bones this guy who is her friend nightly asking me for my opinion on whether she should date him or not. i said, nah, once you have been sleeping with him for this long he's never really going to take you seriously anyways and you dont want to lose a 3 year friendship with him. she's really pretty and a few years older than me and i was surprised to know that she's only into black men. she didn't seem like that type at all, oh well. speaking of work! aw, i helped this adorable foreign father get all these christmas presents. it was kind of annoying because he had 5 pages of clothes his kids picked out from abercrombie and fitch and most of it was clothes the only had online so i took him around the store finding everything similar to what he wanted. i ended up having him spend over 200 dollars!
i heard either today or yesterday that someone was a lesbian now (...or 'bi' technically? i'm not sure what) and i have to say i was really surprised. I had no idea she'd ever be into that. Although I don't know too much of her anyways.
i'm learning bohemian rhapsody on the piano, the elegant part of it. ha i cant wait til i master it, then i'll be playing the same songs i always play for my friends and then just surprise them with a random Queen song.
I'm going to wrap this blog up with this. Matt showed me this short film tonight and i think it's the cutest thing ever, although really predictable at the same time.
it's some '500 days of summer' type shit. i'm surprised he even liked this sort of stuff.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
the needles, the space, time can't erase and buttoned down, you'll get the best of me
Who knows your tickle spots?
anyone who aimed for finding them, i'm not even sure myself where all of them are
Are you happy with who you are?
well, it's a process.
Have you ever been searched by the cops?
in an airport, but that's nothing special!
When's the last time you've been sledding?
oh gosh. maybe around...five? i would love to go again though.
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends on my mood, sometimes i like having the bed to myself. but it's nice having a warm body to blanket you while you drift off to sleep : )
Do you believe in ghosts?
well, i can't really say. but i definitely don't not believe in them.
Do you consider yourself creative?
i have my moments i suppose.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
yea. my body doesnt like it too much
Has the last person you had a relationship with ever lied to you?
of course
Have you sneezed in the past hour?
nope
Who is your favorite teacher of all time?
i've luckily had quite a few!
How long does it take you to fall asleep?
i like to kind of day dream before i actually dream. i think and picture (with my eyes closed) a scenario in which i'd be extremely happy. it then usually leads into a dream where something like that happens and it becomes really realistic. then i wake up, and reality laughs in my face.
Are you scared about the end of the world?
more-so what i get accomplished before then. i want to know and do so much more.
Is there a TV in the room you are in?
yes.
What comes to your mind when I say red?
just a bunch of red. i guess i'm really boring
Favorite fast food restaurant?
not a big fast food person, but i like to rarely hit up jack in the box just because i never see them and when i do, it's amazing
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
haha in like 6th grade. i punched a boy in courtyard, for annoying me. he was one of those runts that were shorter than all the girls and had a high pitched voice.
Did you have a weird dream last night?
i usually always have really weird dreams, last nights was definitely weird.
Do you wish at 11:11?
nope.
When's the last time you were surprised?
the surprises never end.
Your favorite celebrity appears while you're having a shower, you?
i don't know if i have a favorite but if jesse lacey or conor showed up i'd probably grab them in with me immediately and do dirty things to them.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
if everyone was just....happy. wouldnt that solve just about everything?
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
today haha.
Do you trust all of your friends?
not so sure if i believe in trusting anymore
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
most definitely
Do you think the last person you kissed is a player?
ehhhhhhhhhhh
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
it's a process.
Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
love one person of course. but no rush...i am young.
Anyone say they want to be with you forever?
actually, yeah
Do you remember who you liked this time 3 months ago?
ha mhm.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
reject
Have you kissed someone in '09 that means a lot to you?
absolutely
Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
well...i did. i do? i don't know
Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you?
oh my god, what is with all these questions
Has the last person you kissed, met your family?
no
Have you ever received a myspace/facebook message that made you cry?
nope.
Next time you will kiss someone?
when i waaaaaaaaant
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
abby
Do you like to cuddle?
more like love. ah!
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
yeah, yes i do
Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all?
sure
anyone who aimed for finding them, i'm not even sure myself where all of them are
Are you happy with who you are?
well, it's a process.
Have you ever been searched by the cops?
in an airport, but that's nothing special!
When's the last time you've been sledding?
oh gosh. maybe around...five? i would love to go again though.
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends on my mood, sometimes i like having the bed to myself. but it's nice having a warm body to blanket you while you drift off to sleep : )
Do you believe in ghosts?
well, i can't really say. but i definitely don't not believe in them.
Do you consider yourself creative?
i have my moments i suppose.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
yea. my body doesnt like it too much
Has the last person you had a relationship with ever lied to you?
of course
Have you sneezed in the past hour?
nope
Who is your favorite teacher of all time?
i've luckily had quite a few!
How long does it take you to fall asleep?
i like to kind of day dream before i actually dream. i think and picture (with my eyes closed) a scenario in which i'd be extremely happy. it then usually leads into a dream where something like that happens and it becomes really realistic. then i wake up, and reality laughs in my face.
Are you scared about the end of the world?
more-so what i get accomplished before then. i want to know and do so much more.
Is there a TV in the room you are in?
yes.
What comes to your mind when I say red?
just a bunch of red. i guess i'm really boring
Favorite fast food restaurant?
not a big fast food person, but i like to rarely hit up jack in the box just because i never see them and when i do, it's amazing
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
haha in like 6th grade. i punched a boy in courtyard, for annoying me. he was one of those runts that were shorter than all the girls and had a high pitched voice.
Did you have a weird dream last night?
i usually always have really weird dreams, last nights was definitely weird.
Do you wish at 11:11?
nope.
When's the last time you were surprised?
the surprises never end.
Your favorite celebrity appears while you're having a shower, you?
i don't know if i have a favorite but if jesse lacey or conor showed up i'd probably grab them in with me immediately and do dirty things to them.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
if everyone was just....happy. wouldnt that solve just about everything?
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
today haha.
Do you trust all of your friends?
not so sure if i believe in trusting anymore
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
most definitely
Do you think the last person you kissed is a player?
ehhhhhhhhhhh
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
it's a process.
Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
love one person of course. but no rush...i am young.
Anyone say they want to be with you forever?
actually, yeah
Do you remember who you liked this time 3 months ago?
ha mhm.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
reject
Have you kissed someone in '09 that means a lot to you?
absolutely
Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
well...i did. i do? i don't know
Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you?
oh my god, what is with all these questions
Has the last person you kissed, met your family?
no
Have you ever received a myspace/facebook message that made you cry?
nope.
Next time you will kiss someone?
when i waaaaaaaaant
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
abby
Do you like to cuddle?
more like love. ah!
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
yeah, yes i do
Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all?
sure
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Morphine city slippin' dues
So, lovers and friends. what a week it's been.
tomorrow is sunday, its onto a new week.
i've been with bridget and tony a majority of this week, they are so amazing!
i miss hanging out with bridget like this. we can just completely be ourselves and talk about anything.
we'll never judge each other and that's what i love.
i'm not going to lie, even though its been such a fun week, it has been rough as well.
but i'm not really so down anymore.
i feel like me again.
i'm looking for a second job this week, abercrombie doesnt quite pay the bills.
i am thinking about hosting at red fish or something, i like the atmosphere of it.
my dad has so many medical meetings there too, haha. it might be awkward.
Hey dad! let me seat you & your friends, and tell you about the wines we have tonight.
speaking of wine, i've mostly only been a white wine kind of person, but i've developed a broad taste for red wine too.
it makes me feel calm and serene. i like it.
anyways, thats enough writing for now, i must be on my way out.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
This weekend, I will be wearing nothing but duct tape.
No this isn't anything kinky, mind you.
haha, I will be constructing the COOLEST dress ever tomorrow.
First I'm going to get vibrant duct tape colors and mesh them into the design I have planned.
Then I'm going to purchase a long t-shirt, preferably large so I can chop it up how i'd like so it will fit the sketch I have.
Then after that I will stick my duct tape where I want it to go using just enough pressure to define the curves.
Erin is making hers out of cool things as well, we'll be working on this project tomorrow.
We will soon be completely ready for this weekend.
Today was fun!
I've been sort of busy the last few days and this week is going to be massively busy.
With all sorts of fun events and things.
I don't have much to say, so hey! I'll do one of those 10 people things.
-I miss you and it makes me sad that I have no idea how many times a year we will see each other, not many at all! maybe like....once. I love you.
- I'm sorry about how weird I've been acting the last couple weeks, things have been crazy and really insane. I've been neglecting attention towards you and for that I apologize. I haven't been myself and I'm not sure why, it's played a negative role on a lot of things for me lately. Out of all the years I've known you, you've been the strongest.
- I dont know what to say about that incident. I dont know what came over me, just know it wasn't a mistake. But I'm still sorry.
-All I can say is no one has ever treated me like you do and I dont know why you'd be that kind. I don't think I deserve it, you're just such a nice guy.
-For a while I have never thought of anyone higher. And out of nowhere, not seeing it coming, I have lost all respect for you and this was the last time you could disappoint me so. It still will never make sense to me.
- Out of everyone right now you have been there for me the most. No one has been able to help me out like you have, and when you say things I really do listen. You're my best friend and I couldn't have gone through so many things if it wasn't for you. I am so grateful.
- I don't know how much more of you I can take, this is just getting ridiculous.
- We've always had phases of hating each other or being really good friends, have you noticed it was never really in between? It's good to know that we trust each other so much now.
- You don't like girls! Okay, you just don't. No one cares either, just be yourself.
-I know things are hard for you but you always have me. and I know it may seem like the end of the world now but we're so young that instead of making it that way, you can flip it so that it's just the beginning. We still have time to make something new for ourselves!
No this isn't anything kinky, mind you.
haha, I will be constructing the COOLEST dress ever tomorrow.
First I'm going to get vibrant duct tape colors and mesh them into the design I have planned.
Then I'm going to purchase a long t-shirt, preferably large so I can chop it up how i'd like so it will fit the sketch I have.
Then after that I will stick my duct tape where I want it to go using just enough pressure to define the curves.
Erin is making hers out of cool things as well, we'll be working on this project tomorrow.
We will soon be completely ready for this weekend.
Today was fun!
I've been sort of busy the last few days and this week is going to be massively busy.
With all sorts of fun events and things.
I don't have much to say, so hey! I'll do one of those 10 people things.
-I miss you and it makes me sad that I have no idea how many times a year we will see each other, not many at all! maybe like....once. I love you.
- I'm sorry about how weird I've been acting the last couple weeks, things have been crazy and really insane. I've been neglecting attention towards you and for that I apologize. I haven't been myself and I'm not sure why, it's played a negative role on a lot of things for me lately. Out of all the years I've known you, you've been the strongest.
- I dont know what to say about that incident. I dont know what came over me, just know it wasn't a mistake. But I'm still sorry.
-All I can say is no one has ever treated me like you do and I dont know why you'd be that kind. I don't think I deserve it, you're just such a nice guy.
-For a while I have never thought of anyone higher. And out of nowhere, not seeing it coming, I have lost all respect for you and this was the last time you could disappoint me so. It still will never make sense to me.
- Out of everyone right now you have been there for me the most. No one has been able to help me out like you have, and when you say things I really do listen. You're my best friend and I couldn't have gone through so many things if it wasn't for you. I am so grateful.
- I don't know how much more of you I can take, this is just getting ridiculous.
- We've always had phases of hating each other or being really good friends, have you noticed it was never really in between? It's good to know that we trust each other so much now.
- You don't like girls! Okay, you just don't. No one cares either, just be yourself.
-I know things are hard for you but you always have me. and I know it may seem like the end of the world now but we're so young that instead of making it that way, you can flip it so that it's just the beginning. We still have time to make something new for ourselves!
Man Man is a great band.
It has a mix of all sorts of instruments, especially a smooth-sounding-saxophone ;]
plus, with a raspy unique voice.
it's very folkish as well.
I have been playing all their songs straight and not had one complaint.
Very relaxing.
by the way: you only don't like bluffton kids because you can't get any of them to fuck you anymore. it's about time you stay loyal to your boyfriend.
It has a mix of all sorts of instruments, especially a smooth-sounding-saxophone ;]
plus, with a raspy unique voice.
it's very folkish as well.
I have been playing all their songs straight and not had one complaint.
Very relaxing.
by the way: you only don't like bluffton kids because you can't get any of them to fuck you anymore. it's about time you stay loyal to your boyfriend.
Monday, November 30, 2009
and your eyes shine like Oppenheimer's as he talks about the boom!
hm, i'm glad to know that these blogs to get read, even by people i'd never expect!
I love having those 'i don't give a fuck about anythings days'
ha, that is the exact description of today.
Nothing bothered me, nothing excited me.
Every thought and feeling was numb to me.
It was the best thing ever. I went to target today and I heard a loud noise above my head and looked up to see an airplane really close to my head, it was skimming the sky so lose to my head. I think I could even make out all the imperfections of the plane and the writing on it. That close. If you know me, you know I have a weird thing about planes. They just creep me out and make me feel uncomfortable. But I was able to just look at it and think, I don't think I'd be that mad if it just happened to crash on my head. If it does, it does.
There was ups to this feeling today, but there was also downs.
I did something that I don't think I was ready to do just yet. I couldn't believe myself. Later I felt a cloud of, not regret but something along the lines of what the fuck happened. It was a mix of not caring about anything and being really pissed off. But it could be a good or bad thing, only time will tell.
I watched American Beauty with Derek today, and I was intrigued by the film. I can't believe it was my first time watching it, there are so many of these highly watched popular movies that I haven't seen. Yet I've seen so many and most of them some people haven't even heard of.
I am still disappointed that the majority of my friends don't even know what the movie 'Airplane' is. No one could not like Airplane. Ironic, my love for airplanes and everything. Yet I love watching it. I'll post the trailer of it at the bottom of this blog.
Things did get so fun today. Bridget Tony Cameron and I played soccer for about an hour on some random field, when it was kind of dark out. I wasn't that great but hey! I wasn't to shabby either. Then it was italian night at the Tiltons and I stayed over for dinner. We had to walk food over to neighbors that just moved in that her mom knew. Come to find that we know the boy that lives in the house, Anthony who is a year younger. haha, it was interesting. I'm getting crafty this week and making a duct tape dress. For this weekends events of course. It's going to be colorful and creative and I'll add a few other things from here to there.
Now I'm gonna finish part of the book I was writing forever ago that I never finished. I have to prove myself wrong and now stop in the middle, there's nothing worse than an unfinished story.
"This woman has got to be at a hospital."
"A hospital? What is it?"
"It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."
hahahah.
I love having those 'i don't give a fuck about anythings days'
ha, that is the exact description of today.
Nothing bothered me, nothing excited me.
Every thought and feeling was numb to me.
It was the best thing ever. I went to target today and I heard a loud noise above my head and looked up to see an airplane really close to my head, it was skimming the sky so lose to my head. I think I could even make out all the imperfections of the plane and the writing on it. That close. If you know me, you know I have a weird thing about planes. They just creep me out and make me feel uncomfortable. But I was able to just look at it and think, I don't think I'd be that mad if it just happened to crash on my head. If it does, it does.
There was ups to this feeling today, but there was also downs.
I did something that I don't think I was ready to do just yet. I couldn't believe myself. Later I felt a cloud of, not regret but something along the lines of what the fuck happened. It was a mix of not caring about anything and being really pissed off. But it could be a good or bad thing, only time will tell.
I watched American Beauty with Derek today, and I was intrigued by the film. I can't believe it was my first time watching it, there are so many of these highly watched popular movies that I haven't seen. Yet I've seen so many and most of them some people haven't even heard of.
I am still disappointed that the majority of my friends don't even know what the movie 'Airplane' is. No one could not like Airplane. Ironic, my love for airplanes and everything. Yet I love watching it. I'll post the trailer of it at the bottom of this blog.
Things did get so fun today. Bridget Tony Cameron and I played soccer for about an hour on some random field, when it was kind of dark out. I wasn't that great but hey! I wasn't to shabby either. Then it was italian night at the Tiltons and I stayed over for dinner. We had to walk food over to neighbors that just moved in that her mom knew. Come to find that we know the boy that lives in the house, Anthony who is a year younger. haha, it was interesting. I'm getting crafty this week and making a duct tape dress. For this weekends events of course. It's going to be colorful and creative and I'll add a few other things from here to there.
Now I'm gonna finish part of the book I was writing forever ago that I never finished. I have to prove myself wrong and now stop in the middle, there's nothing worse than an unfinished story.
"This woman has got to be at a hospital."
"A hospital? What is it?"
"It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."
hahahah.
before you read the contents of this blog, just know that this is absolutely adorable. the music video stars Charlyne Yi and Fred Armisen. Oh my god I am in love. ha.
what a long long night. it's 3:30 and i think i'm about to go to sleep. i could have fallen asleep an hour or two ago easily, but have you ever put off sleeping because you were afraid of what you'd dream about? I remember that was my favorite part is knowing what would grace my dreams. Now I am afraid to know. I kind of wish I still had my lame collection of my failed dream catchers, ha. when i was little, i was so blown away by them and how beautiful they were and i put so much faith in them for years to cure me of my night terrors. some nights I had great dreams, and honestly thought they were working their magic. But as I grew older I started to realize that it was all coincidence. They never actually saved me from my bad dreams, it was just a nice hobby to have faith in for a while until it grew old. Realizing this is how i am. I put so much faith into something and I push it until I just can't push it anymore, what seems do be a narrow never-ending spiral. Truthfully, everything I can think of that I had that experience with (object, or even human) always ends up letting me down and eventually I have nothing else to give. i recognize the feeling I had all those times of never going back to something and starting something new. and this time, I mean it. Unlike every other time I have felt remotely like this, for once nothing in me is saying i want to go back to it. not even the littlest bit like how it usually is with me. I find comfort in knowing this, I have so much youth but I always think of myself with little to no more time to do things right. I have to take advantage of the fact that I am young and more attractive then I will be years and years down the road, and I have so much to learn but me being the stubborn person I am hardly allows myself to learn anything at all.
It's really nice to be able to blog about one certain feeling rather than what has happened in my day hardly knowing what to say.
I finally have a muse for this one specific blog entry.
and now that it's out of my system, I won't need the same muse for another blog entry again.
Instead I will say, my thanksgiving was interesting to say the least. Most of it was spent in Beaufort because there wasn't much to do in Hilton Head anyways, and I had so many friends that wanted to see me there so it would have been a good opportunity to do so. My family is undoubtedly crazy to the core. No one is normal, except maybe Natalie. Here we have this little house and we're trying to be as festive as possible while I'm with my cute five year old niece playing Polly Pockets with her while her dad does coke in the bathroom. Nonetheless, the feast went rather well. Everyone got along just fine and I even learned how to make a pie! I always say, every woman needs to know how to make a decent pie. I feel like I am finally a woman now, ha.
I am going over to Dereks tomorrow, to watch a movie.
He wanted me to come over to see American Beauty with him.
I haven't seen it before but I remember exactly what it's about because I remember my dad watching it when I was really little but I didn't care to pay attention.
It's going to be weird going over there because everything is going to seem so different now.
I can't really explain it, it's weird.
I said weird a lot.
Now I'll just post random pictures from my moms house to wrap up this joyous blog and stop stalling myself from sleeping.
what a long long night. it's 3:30 and i think i'm about to go to sleep. i could have fallen asleep an hour or two ago easily, but have you ever put off sleeping because you were afraid of what you'd dream about? I remember that was my favorite part is knowing what would grace my dreams. Now I am afraid to know. I kind of wish I still had my lame collection of my failed dream catchers, ha. when i was little, i was so blown away by them and how beautiful they were and i put so much faith in them for years to cure me of my night terrors. some nights I had great dreams, and honestly thought they were working their magic. But as I grew older I started to realize that it was all coincidence. They never actually saved me from my bad dreams, it was just a nice hobby to have faith in for a while until it grew old. Realizing this is how i am. I put so much faith into something and I push it until I just can't push it anymore, what seems do be a narrow never-ending spiral. Truthfully, everything I can think of that I had that experience with (object, or even human) always ends up letting me down and eventually I have nothing else to give. i recognize the feeling I had all those times of never going back to something and starting something new. and this time, I mean it. Unlike every other time I have felt remotely like this, for once nothing in me is saying i want to go back to it. not even the littlest bit like how it usually is with me. I find comfort in knowing this, I have so much youth but I always think of myself with little to no more time to do things right. I have to take advantage of the fact that I am young and more attractive then I will be years and years down the road, and I have so much to learn but me being the stubborn person I am hardly allows myself to learn anything at all.
It's really nice to be able to blog about one certain feeling rather than what has happened in my day hardly knowing what to say.
I finally have a muse for this one specific blog entry.
and now that it's out of my system, I won't need the same muse for another blog entry again.
Instead I will say, my thanksgiving was interesting to say the least. Most of it was spent in Beaufort because there wasn't much to do in Hilton Head anyways, and I had so many friends that wanted to see me there so it would have been a good opportunity to do so. My family is undoubtedly crazy to the core. No one is normal, except maybe Natalie. Here we have this little house and we're trying to be as festive as possible while I'm with my cute five year old niece playing Polly Pockets with her while her dad does coke in the bathroom. Nonetheless, the feast went rather well. Everyone got along just fine and I even learned how to make a pie! I always say, every woman needs to know how to make a decent pie. I feel like I am finally a woman now, ha.
I am going over to Dereks tomorrow, to watch a movie.
He wanted me to come over to see American Beauty with him.
I haven't seen it before but I remember exactly what it's about because I remember my dad watching it when I was really little but I didn't care to pay attention.
It's going to be weird going over there because everything is going to seem so different now.
I can't really explain it, it's weird.
I said weird a lot.
Now I'll just post random pictures from my moms house to wrap up this joyous blog and stop stalling myself from sleeping.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
well ive flicked every switch that i could find on my way out just to upset you more
It's 3:30am and everyone is sleeping at my house. everyone that includes my mother, sister, 2 brothers, and niece.
I dont know why I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, I must be thinking about this whole long shift thing tomorrow night/friday morning. I'm really not so into the idea of working throughout the whole night and mostly morning, ugh! oh well, I will be working with fun people and I already have a couple kids separately bringing me red bull at different times to keep me up : )
This morning I woke up at around 11, and went home. I got ready super fast, shower and all, and probably looked partially sickening but I don't really care. I hung out with Gage for a little bit and took him to starbucks and back home, it was very quiet and awkward. I couldn't tell ya why.
I then drove myself back home to finish packing my belongings and took a really long time contemplating whether or not I should take Pants with me to Beaufort. I chose: Not. Only because We have 4 other cats here who would bully her to the point of no return :( And it's just a hassle...
I drove to Beaufort which didn't seem to take long because I made up some really sweet music videos in my head to the songs I was listening to, wearing sweet retro clothes doing SWEET dance moves and what not. I am the queen of run-on sentences, trust me. Anyways, so I get home to find that my mom and my niece AND brother Andre all have the swine flu. I guess they picked it up on the plane ride here from Wyoming. So every second I'm just applying anti bacterial to my hands. I watched Hook with my sister mom and nevaeh then got a call from Kristen to go to her house for a bonfire and celebrate her birthday. I met up with Kristen at her house where Andrew and Dave came over, two people I havent seen in FOREVER and then chelsea and nick were there. Oh, and her boyfriend Jason who she does everything and goes everywhere with. So it was nice seeing everyone and hanging out by the fire. I had to go home because my sister wanted to see me as well so I had to tell them all goodbye and leave. We spent hours going through old pictures and found these love letters my dad sent my mom which i posted one below actually. and some of them made me think..."Aw" and some really grossed me out.
It just makes me sad that no one writes love letters anymore. They werent just from my dad, she had some from guys during the 70's that would just say the most sweetest things. No one really writes genuine long love letters anymore. The only thing close to that I've ever received were those dumb little notes i'd get in like the early years of high school or middle school from boys who had crushes on me or emo kids. Now people just flirt through technologenic portals like phones or facebook. It's all cute but, I want something to remember someone by. Like, I know it sounds dumb, but even though my mom and dad are divorced she still has these letters that are evidence that they actually once really cared about eachother. I dont have any evidence like that for someone. Cause it's not like I can stuff facebook in one of my drawers, or wrap a sweet text message in an envelope somewhere. It kind of scared me a little too, I don't see myself getting a love letter anytime soon and then I thought....what if I never do?! Technology is only going to enhance from now so there will be more reasons to not write them but it's just more reasons to me TO write them.
we'll see.
i'm ranting.
that's what I do when I'm trying to tire myself out.
It's working and I am excessively happy for that.
I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving, I'm not going to eat my body weight this year though and that's a promise.
I also hope my long-ish blog didn't bore anyone. I haven't blogged like this in a long time so I figured, hey, why not now?
This is me blogging-
as for how i feel.... I'm emotionally dead right now.
meaning, I must sleep.
love always,
mellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllface
I dont know why I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, I must be thinking about this whole long shift thing tomorrow night/friday morning. I'm really not so into the idea of working throughout the whole night and mostly morning, ugh! oh well, I will be working with fun people and I already have a couple kids separately bringing me red bull at different times to keep me up : )
This morning I woke up at around 11, and went home. I got ready super fast, shower and all, and probably looked partially sickening but I don't really care. I hung out with Gage for a little bit and took him to starbucks and back home, it was very quiet and awkward. I couldn't tell ya why.
I then drove myself back home to finish packing my belongings and took a really long time contemplating whether or not I should take Pants with me to Beaufort. I chose: Not. Only because We have 4 other cats here who would bully her to the point of no return :( And it's just a hassle...
I drove to Beaufort which didn't seem to take long because I made up some really sweet music videos in my head to the songs I was listening to, wearing sweet retro clothes doing SWEET dance moves and what not. I am the queen of run-on sentences, trust me. Anyways, so I get home to find that my mom and my niece AND brother Andre all have the swine flu. I guess they picked it up on the plane ride here from Wyoming. So every second I'm just applying anti bacterial to my hands. I watched Hook with my sister mom and nevaeh then got a call from Kristen to go to her house for a bonfire and celebrate her birthday. I met up with Kristen at her house where Andrew and Dave came over, two people I havent seen in FOREVER and then chelsea and nick were there. Oh, and her boyfriend Jason who she does everything and goes everywhere with. So it was nice seeing everyone and hanging out by the fire. I had to go home because my sister wanted to see me as well so I had to tell them all goodbye and leave. We spent hours going through old pictures and found these love letters my dad sent my mom which i posted one below actually. and some of them made me think..."Aw" and some really grossed me out.
It just makes me sad that no one writes love letters anymore. They werent just from my dad, she had some from guys during the 70's that would just say the most sweetest things. No one really writes genuine long love letters anymore. The only thing close to that I've ever received were those dumb little notes i'd get in like the early years of high school or middle school from boys who had crushes on me or emo kids. Now people just flirt through technologenic portals like phones or facebook. It's all cute but, I want something to remember someone by. Like, I know it sounds dumb, but even though my mom and dad are divorced she still has these letters that are evidence that they actually once really cared about eachother. I dont have any evidence like that for someone. Cause it's not like I can stuff facebook in one of my drawers, or wrap a sweet text message in an envelope somewhere. It kind of scared me a little too, I don't see myself getting a love letter anytime soon and then I thought....what if I never do?! Technology is only going to enhance from now so there will be more reasons to not write them but it's just more reasons to me TO write them.
we'll see.
i'm ranting.
that's what I do when I'm trying to tire myself out.
It's working and I am excessively happy for that.
I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving, I'm not going to eat my body weight this year though and that's a promise.
I also hope my long-ish blog didn't bore anyone. I haven't blogged like this in a long time so I figured, hey, why not now?
This is me blogging-
as for how i feel.... I'm emotionally dead right now.
meaning, I must sleep.
love always,
mellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllface
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
As I was rummaging through an old trunk of family photos and letters i came across an actual hand written LOVE LETTER from my dad to my mom, i was so surprised i found one.
I am going to type every word exactly here-
(i got permission from my mother to do so as well.)
7/30/85
Kathie-
It's becoming very hard to concentrate on much of anything down here. Just writing this letter to you is difficult, I can't think about writing, all I can think about is you sitting on my lap and kissing you all over. Baby I need to hold you I'd do anything just to be able to look at those great eyes of yours. The time is growing shorter but longer if that makes any sense. Impatient for you, is what this and all my letters are all about. Marrying you and loving you- Baby, I want you!!
Kisses + hugs to the kids!
kisses everywhere on your body!
Love Gus
p.s. I cant wait to party all night long with you.
Okay, then I found like three others and they are way longer and more descriptive, too gross to put up here..
anyways. happy holidays..
I am going to type every word exactly here-
(i got permission from my mother to do so as well.)
7/30/85
Kathie-
It's becoming very hard to concentrate on much of anything down here. Just writing this letter to you is difficult, I can't think about writing, all I can think about is you sitting on my lap and kissing you all over. Baby I need to hold you I'd do anything just to be able to look at those great eyes of yours. The time is growing shorter but longer if that makes any sense. Impatient for you, is what this and all my letters are all about. Marrying you and loving you- Baby, I want you!!
Kisses + hugs to the kids!
kisses everywhere on your body!
Love Gus
p.s. I cant wait to party all night long with you.
Okay, then I found like three others and they are way longer and more descriptive, too gross to put up here..
anyways. happy holidays..
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Do you remember when twenty-one years was old?
Thing 1, thing 2, thing 3, thing 4567, your ambitions are gone.
you're ruining everything that was once good in your life.
do you want to look back on your life in your eldest of years thinking everyday was merely the same?
but this overly repeated day had no significance to it, there's really not much to think back to, is there?
thing 1 and thing 2, relax! pussy will come when you just let it, otherwise your stuck with the kind you inevitably don't want.
other things, what are you doing! you are an apocalypse just waiting to happen. the most cosmic of cataclysm
i had more to rant about you guys but nothing worth writing down, it's kept in my head somewhere collecting dust with the other ransom thoughts that have never been released.
i find it better that way.
these are the most words i've publicly written in weeks, and to be honest i don't know what good this will even do. i don't know how any of these words would please anyones eyes. they aren't so attractive to even me. but it's one of those things where you just think, eh, i wanna do it.
i haven't seen desiree since halloween and i miss her quite a lot, that will be fixed today i suppose so hooray for catching up. i love her so!
i went to beaufort this morning for an appointment, woke around 7:40 am.
you know, getting up early is the new sleeping in.
i feel more rested then when i sleep til 1. isn't that the oddest? bodies just do surprising things like that, they can really be miraculous things. i mean...we have HUMANS come out of our vaginas. have you ever thought of that as just a really bazaar concept? i mean, we see these significant or lower than low people and i dont think we realize that they were inside someone else. in a non sexual way.
i think it would make more sense if there were plants sprouting out people then people coming out of ...me.
think about it, you go to the store and select how you want your person. size, hair, personality. then you grow it and they just erupt from these gooey leaves, as babies of course. i mean everything starts out small anyways.
but no
we come out of vaginas.
"while you are away, my heart comes undone. slowly unravels, into a ball of yarn."
the day you are here is the day i want more than anything.
you're ruining everything that was once good in your life.
do you want to look back on your life in your eldest of years thinking everyday was merely the same?
but this overly repeated day had no significance to it, there's really not much to think back to, is there?
thing 1 and thing 2, relax! pussy will come when you just let it, otherwise your stuck with the kind you inevitably don't want.
other things, what are you doing! you are an apocalypse just waiting to happen. the most cosmic of cataclysm
i had more to rant about you guys but nothing worth writing down, it's kept in my head somewhere collecting dust with the other ransom thoughts that have never been released.
i find it better that way.
these are the most words i've publicly written in weeks, and to be honest i don't know what good this will even do. i don't know how any of these words would please anyones eyes. they aren't so attractive to even me. but it's one of those things where you just think, eh, i wanna do it.
i haven't seen desiree since halloween and i miss her quite a lot, that will be fixed today i suppose so hooray for catching up. i love her so!
i went to beaufort this morning for an appointment, woke around 7:40 am.
you know, getting up early is the new sleeping in.
i feel more rested then when i sleep til 1. isn't that the oddest? bodies just do surprising things like that, they can really be miraculous things. i mean...we have HUMANS come out of our vaginas. have you ever thought of that as just a really bazaar concept? i mean, we see these significant or lower than low people and i dont think we realize that they were inside someone else. in a non sexual way.
i think it would make more sense if there were plants sprouting out people then people coming out of ...me.
think about it, you go to the store and select how you want your person. size, hair, personality. then you grow it and they just erupt from these gooey leaves, as babies of course. i mean everything starts out small anyways.
but no
we come out of vaginas.
"while you are away, my heart comes undone. slowly unravels, into a ball of yarn."
the day you are here is the day i want more than anything.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
i heard you fuck through the wall.
-What does your name mean? well, if you look it up it means 'dark beauty' or something, which i don't think i'm either dark or a beauty, ha.
-What exactly is your name anyway? it's just my name, it's really nothing else
-Have you kissed under water? no :( almost, though. but i'd really really like to...
-Are you afraid to cry in front of the opposite sex? no, i've done it before. try not to, however.
-Can you still be friends with an ex? sure. depending on if they did something to make me think they are a shitty person or not.
-Are you excited for anything coming up? most definitely, the end-ish of this month will just be absolutely amazing.
-What was the weather like today? it was rainy, actually. a nice day to spend inside doing overdue work.
-Did anything bother you lastnight? i'm sure there was something or other.
-Have you ever kissed under mistletoe? si, i have! : )
-Who should make the first move? well, i dont think it matters. but i know that i can be shy at times so it's usually the guy that does. but after a few times i'm able to make first moves on my own.
-Something you just find totally awkward: dereks mom.
-Why did your last relationship end? ha
-How old were you when you had your first kiss? like. twelve. yes, actually. movie theaters, taylor damude. the boy i had the biggest crush on since 3rd grade that i never really thought noticed me. and now, he's a flaming faggot, except not literally. he's just totally lame.
-What EXACTLY are you doing? this survey. now that i don't use myspace anymore, i need some excuse to do these things, right? it's the best when you need something to get you to sleep.
-What's the last funny thing you seen on tv? "This corn is like an angel.."
-Have you ever felt to low, you thought you wouldn't recover? of course.
-The last song you listened to was by? I've got Itunes on shuffle, and now i'm listening to Citizens of Tomorrow by Tokyo Police Club. Yay! okay. now Ice Monster just came on by MTB, who i SHOULD be seeing this weekend, ah fuck.
-You're more: sane or insane? definitely insane.
-Would the world be different without music? obviously..? that means that there are less careers, less creativity, so many other things
-Have you ever been to therapy/counseling? ha, that would be a yes
-Explain an out-of-body experience you've had: I never really understood that, I mean, I don't remember leaving my body and looking at myself. that's pretty fucking intense. but apparently it happens to everyone 'cept me.
-How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16
-Have you ever eaten something while high, that is disgusting to you when...
you're sober? yeah, it happened, whatever
-Ever watched the sun rise? mmmmm yes
-Some lyrics off the top of your head: she's gone across the border man, and you're never gonna see her again
-Out of all the people you know, who has the most over-protective father? my dad can be pretty damn over protective. then again, bridgets got one emotional dad, haha.
-Do you have any chronic illnesses or a mental diagnosis? noooooooooooowhyofcoursenot
-Do you blow dry your hair or let it dry naturally? let it dry naturally.
-If you've had stitches, where on your body were they? never had stitches, broken a bone, or got stung by a bee.
-Which of your five senses do you think is the best? my eyesight, never had a problem with it.
-The last funny thing a friend said? just the whole sarcastic conversation derek and i had on MSN a couple hours ago, what a funny kid!
-Describe your number four? I see this was made for myspace.
-What was the last thing you did that made you feel accomplished? writing writing writing
-What is the worst drug anyone has ever offered you? Meth
-A childhood memory off the top of your head: playing pokemon with johnny beard
-How many art classes have you had? two or three, other than that i took mostly drama and tv production classes
-Do you hate the way you feel, or feel the way you hate? i bet whoever thought of that question felt cool and smart
-Your zodiac sign and birthstone? Cancer and like, a ruby or some shit i dont know.
-What's the worst thing about you when you're angry? I turn green and get big and my shirt rips off my chest. oh wait...
-Who do you tell EVERYTHING to? nobody
-Have you ever been to a rehab facility of any sort? well i'm going through a certain boy rehab, very painful.
-Have you ever found something out you wish you hadn't? sure have
-What is your best experience in life so far? you
Is there anything you plan on buying soon? i just purchased really cute things from Urban i'm excited for
The last family member you kissed/hugged was? i hugged my dad a couple days ago
Ever had surgery? What? no i havent
Is makeup sex really all that great? mhm
Do you sleep with anything other than pillows, blankets, etc.? yes, pants. and a boy.
If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go? Caties, one of my best friends.
What's something you've always wanted to do? bah, there are so many of those
Has anyone ever called you beautiful? yes
What's your last text message say? "melanieeeeee!"
If you could be any animal, what would you be? flamingo
How about any celebrity? probably rachel bilson because i think she's so gorgeous and perfect. and has the best clothes ever, and the CUTEST personality.
-What exactly is your name anyway? it's just my name, it's really nothing else
-Have you kissed under water? no :( almost, though. but i'd really really like to...
-Are you afraid to cry in front of the opposite sex? no, i've done it before. try not to, however.
-Can you still be friends with an ex? sure. depending on if they did something to make me think they are a shitty person or not.
-Are you excited for anything coming up? most definitely, the end-ish of this month will just be absolutely amazing.
-What was the weather like today? it was rainy, actually. a nice day to spend inside doing overdue work.
-Did anything bother you lastnight? i'm sure there was something or other.
-Have you ever kissed under mistletoe? si, i have! : )
-Who should make the first move? well, i dont think it matters. but i know that i can be shy at times so it's usually the guy that does. but after a few times i'm able to make first moves on my own.
-Something you just find totally awkward: dereks mom.
-Why did your last relationship end? ha
-How old were you when you had your first kiss? like. twelve. yes, actually. movie theaters, taylor damude. the boy i had the biggest crush on since 3rd grade that i never really thought noticed me. and now, he's a flaming faggot, except not literally. he's just totally lame.
-What EXACTLY are you doing? this survey. now that i don't use myspace anymore, i need some excuse to do these things, right? it's the best when you need something to get you to sleep.
-What's the last funny thing you seen on tv? "This corn is like an angel.."
-Have you ever felt to low, you thought you wouldn't recover? of course.
-The last song you listened to was by? I've got Itunes on shuffle, and now i'm listening to Citizens of Tomorrow by Tokyo Police Club. Yay! okay. now Ice Monster just came on by MTB, who i SHOULD be seeing this weekend, ah fuck.
-You're more: sane or insane? definitely insane.
-Would the world be different without music? obviously..? that means that there are less careers, less creativity, so many other things
-Have you ever been to therapy/counseling? ha, that would be a yes
-Explain an out-of-body experience you've had: I never really understood that, I mean, I don't remember leaving my body and looking at myself. that's pretty fucking intense. but apparently it happens to everyone 'cept me.
-How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16
-Have you ever eaten something while high, that is disgusting to you when...
you're sober? yeah, it happened, whatever
-Ever watched the sun rise? mmmmm yes
-Some lyrics off the top of your head: she's gone across the border man, and you're never gonna see her again
-Out of all the people you know, who has the most over-protective father? my dad can be pretty damn over protective. then again, bridgets got one emotional dad, haha.
-Do you have any chronic illnesses or a mental diagnosis? noooooooooooowhyofcoursenot
-Do you blow dry your hair or let it dry naturally? let it dry naturally.
-If you've had stitches, where on your body were they? never had stitches, broken a bone, or got stung by a bee.
-Which of your five senses do you think is the best? my eyesight, never had a problem with it.
-The last funny thing a friend said? just the whole sarcastic conversation derek and i had on MSN a couple hours ago, what a funny kid!
-Describe your number four? I see this was made for myspace.
-What was the last thing you did that made you feel accomplished? writing writing writing
-What is the worst drug anyone has ever offered you? Meth
-A childhood memory off the top of your head: playing pokemon with johnny beard
-How many art classes have you had? two or three, other than that i took mostly drama and tv production classes
-Do you hate the way you feel, or feel the way you hate? i bet whoever thought of that question felt cool and smart
-Your zodiac sign and birthstone? Cancer and like, a ruby or some shit i dont know.
-What's the worst thing about you when you're angry? I turn green and get big and my shirt rips off my chest. oh wait...
-Who do you tell EVERYTHING to? nobody
-Have you ever been to a rehab facility of any sort? well i'm going through a certain boy rehab, very painful.
-Have you ever found something out you wish you hadn't? sure have
-What is your best experience in life so far? you
Is there anything you plan on buying soon? i just purchased really cute things from Urban i'm excited for
The last family member you kissed/hugged was? i hugged my dad a couple days ago
Ever had surgery? What? no i havent
Is makeup sex really all that great? mhm
Do you sleep with anything other than pillows, blankets, etc.? yes, pants. and a boy.
If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go? Caties, one of my best friends.
What's something you've always wanted to do? bah, there are so many of those
Has anyone ever called you beautiful? yes
What's your last text message say? "melanieeeeee!"
If you could be any animal, what would you be? flamingo
How about any celebrity? probably rachel bilson because i think she's so gorgeous and perfect. and has the best clothes ever, and the CUTEST personality.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Talk is cheap and darling, youre even using coupons.
ihop with cody catie and garrett in a few.
precisely random.
precisely random.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I've been down and I'm wondering why
these little black clouds keep walking around with me.
It wastes time, and I'd rather be high.
think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
but be free
so maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home.
I look around at a beautiful life, been the upper side of down
been the inside of out, but we breathe.
:)
these little black clouds keep walking around with me.
It wastes time, and I'd rather be high.
think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
but be free
so maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home.
I look around at a beautiful life, been the upper side of down
been the inside of out, but we breathe.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
you were always half crazy, now look at you baby. make about as much sense as a nursery rhyme.
i know i said i wasn't going to blog for a while, but i couldn't help myself.
i used to despise having to come to beaufort, but it's been one of the best weekends in a long time.
not THE best of course, but one of them : )
there is nothing better than seeing people you haven't seen in a long time and seeing how everyone has grown. them seeing how i have grown myself, all of us in many different ways.
kristen, taylor, ansley, sasha, and a minor few other people i have spent most of my weekend with.
i forgot how much fun these guys are! we are all so silly around each other. once again, taylor and i make ridiculous videos.
we went from this video:
to this one:
hahaha! we're nuts. i look insanely nerdy, but that was the point. i love her to pieces.
we attempted to go dancing but that was a fail, the whole thing was canceled. all of us girls were dressed up so we went to outback instead and then night roaming downtown to get frozen coffee and meet up with friends.
ha, at outback i saw will holland, which was so awkward. i remember the last time i saw him...
ugh. yikes!
he was a tad flirty, and it was really super awkward so we asked if we could sit in a different section.
and kristen, since you read my blogs, i'll just let you know right now the dog show downtown today was SO incredibly adorable.
max was so handsome dressed up as a squirrel.
and i missed you sooo much, i loved seeing you! i can't believe i forgot how crazy we are together. i can't wait til you start coming to hilton head to see me : )
hopefully you will like my friends. i'm sure you will. i love you oh so much.
kbye.
i used to despise having to come to beaufort, but it's been one of the best weekends in a long time.
not THE best of course, but one of them : )
there is nothing better than seeing people you haven't seen in a long time and seeing how everyone has grown. them seeing how i have grown myself, all of us in many different ways.
kristen, taylor, ansley, sasha, and a minor few other people i have spent most of my weekend with.
i forgot how much fun these guys are! we are all so silly around each other. once again, taylor and i make ridiculous videos.
we went from this video:
to this one:
hahaha! we're nuts. i look insanely nerdy, but that was the point. i love her to pieces.
we attempted to go dancing but that was a fail, the whole thing was canceled. all of us girls were dressed up so we went to outback instead and then night roaming downtown to get frozen coffee and meet up with friends.
ha, at outback i saw will holland, which was so awkward. i remember the last time i saw him...
ugh. yikes!
he was a tad flirty, and it was really super awkward so we asked if we could sit in a different section.
and kristen, since you read my blogs, i'll just let you know right now the dog show downtown today was SO incredibly adorable.
max was so handsome dressed up as a squirrel.
and i missed you sooo much, i loved seeing you! i can't believe i forgot how crazy we are together. i can't wait til you start coming to hilton head to see me : )
hopefully you will like my friends. i'm sure you will. i love you oh so much.
kbye.
Friday, October 23, 2009
why would you try to spend a majority of one of the conversations we have to make me feel inferior and a little bad about myself because of a Window?
"Oh ladies, pleasant and demure, sallow-cheeked and sure
I can see your undies, and all the boys you drag about."
ciao friends, i'm gonna disappear for a while so i'm probably not gonna blog for a bit..
have a devine weekend.
"Oh ladies, pleasant and demure, sallow-cheeked and sure
I can see your undies, and all the boys you drag about."
ciao friends, i'm gonna disappear for a while so i'm probably not gonna blog for a bit..
have a devine weekend.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
oh, what do we have here
a survey on my friends, and on other things that i came across on a xanga. why not, i'm pretty much an insomniac anyways to care about the time.
Loudest? bridget tilton.
Funniest? derek wilson.
Prettiest? god, all my friends are hot as fuck.
Most Favors For? uh, probably driving around all my friends around when i did, but now i'm incapable of doing many favors now. it kind of upsets me.
Most Favors For me? desiree probably, she does a lot for me. she's great. catie does a lot too, she's one of the best people to have as a neighbor.
Most Inside Jokes With? i'd have to say desiree duff again, we've been through the most bazaar things.
Most Laughs With: bridget desiree anna taylor and even though i'm not really friends with mariah anymore, i've had so many laughs with her anyways.
People I Hang With Most? definitely desiree anna, catie and bridget. and my guy friends i guess.
Biggest GiggleBox? ...a gigglebox? ha, what the fuck. uh, taylor somers
Stupidest? sorry, van
Best Clothes? bah, i love taylors closet to death. liz really has good style too...(not your liz, desiree haha. even though she does have great style i'm speaking of a different liz.)
Most Atheletic? hilary
Whose Had The Most Boyfriends? um, drew?
Shortest? i'd say me but myself and i aren't that great of friends.
Biggest Drunkie? ....ha. must i pick one?
Biggest Pothead? see above.
Nicest? desiree
Coolest? gage saylor, for sure. :)
For A Million Dollars Would You...
Kill The President? no, kanye would have my ass.
Eat Another Person? ewwwww....no.
Same Gender Sex? probably.
Have A Triple Life? naw
Have Sex With A Black Man/Woman? probably not, haha. depends.
Kill Your Best Friends? now that is just nonsense
Start Over? sometimes i'd like to, it would be great if i could pick a certain time to do so. i have a great point of time in mind...
Go To Any part Of Army? sure
Become A Prostitute? guess i'm already a millionaire
...not
Become A USC Fan? for a million dollars....who would do that?
Become Famous? this is dumb.
Have You Ever...
Cheated On Someone? nope, even when it would never be considered cheating in the first place
Madeout With Someone's Boyfriend? uh.. i'm not really sure how to answer that
RegrettedLife? many times
Wish You Had Someone Else's Life? ha, yeah
Questioned Gods Existence? well yeah, hasn't everyone? even the more christian of people?
Smoked? yeah..
Drank? well golly gee never
Masturbated? hey!
Had Sex? mhm..
Been Happy For Someones Death? i can't say i ever was, no.
Wished Someone Was Dead? ha yeah
Had A Serious Problem? for sure
Been Seriously In Love? does it matter, really?
Been Really Jealous? hmmm, yes. ugh
So Mad Because You Know The Truth And They Don't BELIEVE You? ALL THE TIME, haha why did the survey spaz out when they asked that
Thought The Boy That Was Right For You Was With The Girl That Was Wrong For Him? well yes but no matter who you like you're bound to think who ever they are with is wrong for them, am i right?
Fill In The Word That First Comes To Mind:
I like: you
That so damn: fuck
Your pretty: pants
Your quite: bad at saying "you're"
I really hate: you
Spiders make me: eat them
I think you should: come to me
My name is: melanie mannequin
Hey: hey!
Boo: hey!
What...
Station is your radio set to: itunes
Are you found using more, the computer or tv: computer
Are your plans for the summer: let me tell you when it happens
Do you hear: broken social scene, actually alive in 85 just ended, now radiohead
Does your shirt say: increase the peace, i wear it once in a while to bed cause it makes me feel nude.
Is your favorite flavor gum: mmm the explosive minty kind
Was the weirdest thing your pet dragged in: pants brought me my panties once.
Are your initials: MKP, i hate my name, can't wait to change it
Is the first thing you say in the morning: nothing really, usually just a smile depending on what texts i see
Why...
Did you cry last: it was a sad tuesday
Did you get yelled at last: probably for not taking out that faggot jimbo
Did you get in a fight with your best friend last: i don't know
Who...
Made you cry last: no one intentionally
Hurt you last: eh
Slept over last: desiree
Is your funniest friend: didn't we go over this? derek.
Are your favorite band: couldnt tell ya just one. but i'm sure out of the like 2 or 3 people who read this knows what music i like.
Do you have an ipod? If so what kind? hmph. they all just end up getting stolen, of course.
Are you Hungry? who isn't semi hungry at 2 am?
Last thing you ate? moes at 3:30
If someone popped out of your closet what will you do? i'd probably scream and then just be like, what the fuck? why. hah, that reminds me of the time when catie and kara were making out in the guest room and gage popped out of these little attic things and was just like, ....hey guys! hahaha. random.
What kind of mood are you in? not a great one, to be honest.
What time is it? 2:11, i'll sleep after i post this
Describe your hair right now: i got out of the shower about 2 hours ago, so it's basically dry. it's got its natural wavy lock things going on, and for some reason i can't stop putting my fingers through it.
What is in front of you besides the computer/laptop? aw, my baaaaaaaby
Are you wearing glasses? naw
Do you hate anyone right now? EVERYONE, RAHHHHWWW
Think fast! Name a vegetable! zucchini
Did you name carrot? no.
Do you know a word in a different language that rhymes with orange? yeah, "bano" in spanish
Are you wearing pants, shorts, or skirt or dress? underwear, cunt
Last thing you did before you came online: washed my face
Are you happy? eh
Right now if the person you liked told you they hated you what would you do? i would just say, oh this is just one of those things you do to me
there were more questions, i'm just too tired.
who the hell is reading any of this anyways?
g'night lovers
ah, by the way.
how did i JUST see this video now? this is one of my old friends, ellison. i guess a friend he goes to SCAD wanted him in one of their videos, it's pretty good. i don't really like nine inch nails haha, but ellison is amazing. you should all watch him.
Loudest? bridget tilton.
Funniest? derek wilson.
Prettiest? god, all my friends are hot as fuck.
Most Favors For? uh, probably driving around all my friends around when i did, but now i'm incapable of doing many favors now. it kind of upsets me.
Most Favors For me? desiree probably, she does a lot for me. she's great. catie does a lot too, she's one of the best people to have as a neighbor.
Most Inside Jokes With? i'd have to say desiree duff again, we've been through the most bazaar things.
Most Laughs With: bridget desiree anna taylor and even though i'm not really friends with mariah anymore, i've had so many laughs with her anyways.
People I Hang With Most? definitely desiree anna, catie and bridget. and my guy friends i guess.
Biggest GiggleBox? ...a gigglebox? ha, what the fuck. uh, taylor somers
Stupidest? sorry, van
Best Clothes? bah, i love taylors closet to death. liz really has good style too...(not your liz, desiree haha. even though she does have great style i'm speaking of a different liz.)
Most Atheletic? hilary
Whose Had The Most Boyfriends? um, drew?
Shortest? i'd say me but myself and i aren't that great of friends.
Biggest Drunkie? ....ha. must i pick one?
Biggest Pothead? see above.
Nicest? desiree
Coolest? gage saylor, for sure. :)
For A Million Dollars Would You...
Kill The President? no, kanye would have my ass.
Eat Another Person? ewwwww....no.
Same Gender Sex? probably.
Have A Triple Life? naw
Have Sex With A Black Man/Woman? probably not, haha. depends.
Kill Your Best Friends? now that is just nonsense
Start Over? sometimes i'd like to, it would be great if i could pick a certain time to do so. i have a great point of time in mind...
Go To Any part Of Army? sure
Become A Prostitute? guess i'm already a millionaire
...not
Become A USC Fan? for a million dollars....who would do that?
Become Famous? this is dumb.
Have You Ever...
Cheated On Someone? nope, even when it would never be considered cheating in the first place
Madeout With Someone's Boyfriend? uh.. i'm not really sure how to answer that
RegrettedLife? many times
Wish You Had Someone Else's Life? ha, yeah
Questioned Gods Existence? well yeah, hasn't everyone? even the more christian of people?
Smoked? yeah..
Drank? well golly gee never
Masturbated? hey!
Had Sex? mhm..
Been Happy For Someones Death? i can't say i ever was, no.
Wished Someone Was Dead? ha yeah
Had A Serious Problem? for sure
Been Seriously In Love? does it matter, really?
Been Really Jealous? hmmm, yes. ugh
So Mad Because You Know The Truth And They Don't BELIEVE You? ALL THE TIME, haha why did the survey spaz out when they asked that
Thought The Boy That Was Right For You Was With The Girl That Was Wrong For Him? well yes but no matter who you like you're bound to think who ever they are with is wrong for them, am i right?
Fill In The Word That First Comes To Mind:
I like: you
That so damn: fuck
Your pretty: pants
Your quite: bad at saying "you're"
I really hate: you
Spiders make me: eat them
I think you should: come to me
My name is: melanie mannequin
Hey: hey!
Boo: hey!
What...
Station is your radio set to: itunes
Are you found using more, the computer or tv: computer
Are your plans for the summer: let me tell you when it happens
Do you hear: broken social scene, actually alive in 85 just ended, now radiohead
Does your shirt say: increase the peace, i wear it once in a while to bed cause it makes me feel nude.
Is your favorite flavor gum: mmm the explosive minty kind
Was the weirdest thing your pet dragged in: pants brought me my panties once.
Are your initials: MKP, i hate my name, can't wait to change it
Is the first thing you say in the morning: nothing really, usually just a smile depending on what texts i see
Why...
Did you cry last: it was a sad tuesday
Did you get yelled at last: probably for not taking out that faggot jimbo
Did you get in a fight with your best friend last: i don't know
Who...
Made you cry last: no one intentionally
Hurt you last: eh
Slept over last: desiree
Is your funniest friend: didn't we go over this? derek.
Are your favorite band: couldnt tell ya just one. but i'm sure out of the like 2 or 3 people who read this knows what music i like.
Do you have an ipod? If so what kind? hmph. they all just end up getting stolen, of course.
Are you Hungry? who isn't semi hungry at 2 am?
Last thing you ate? moes at 3:30
If someone popped out of your closet what will you do? i'd probably scream and then just be like, what the fuck? why. hah, that reminds me of the time when catie and kara were making out in the guest room and gage popped out of these little attic things and was just like, ....hey guys! hahaha. random.
What kind of mood are you in? not a great one, to be honest.
What time is it? 2:11, i'll sleep after i post this
Describe your hair right now: i got out of the shower about 2 hours ago, so it's basically dry. it's got its natural wavy lock things going on, and for some reason i can't stop putting my fingers through it.
What is in front of you besides the computer/laptop? aw, my baaaaaaaby
Are you wearing glasses? naw
Do you hate anyone right now? EVERYONE, RAHHHHWWW
Think fast! Name a vegetable! zucchini
Did you name carrot? no.
Do you know a word in a different language that rhymes with orange? yeah, "bano" in spanish
Are you wearing pants, shorts, or skirt or dress? underwear, cunt
Last thing you did before you came online: washed my face
Are you happy? eh
Right now if the person you liked told you they hated you what would you do? i would just say, oh this is just one of those things you do to me
there were more questions, i'm just too tired.
who the hell is reading any of this anyways?
g'night lovers
ah, by the way.
how did i JUST see this video now? this is one of my old friends, ellison. i guess a friend he goes to SCAD wanted him in one of their videos, it's pretty good. i don't really like nine inch nails haha, but ellison is amazing. you should all watch him.
ugh.
hiiiiiiii.
learned how to unicycle, coffee, and gazebo.
what if we wake up from all we've known to be life..
and we are fucking aardvarks.
i know why certain people are weird with me today, it's cause i SUCK big time!
but i will tell you something, a nice fizzy bath will hit the spot.
incense anyone?
-always,
me.
ah, memories
hiiiiiiii.
learned how to unicycle, coffee, and gazebo.
what if we wake up from all we've known to be life..
and we are fucking aardvarks.
i know why certain people are weird with me today, it's cause i SUCK big time!
but i will tell you something, a nice fizzy bath will hit the spot.
incense anyone?
-always,
me.
ah, memories
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
| well hello there. ive come to make a confession. just kidding, but i got your attention... didnt i? okay now, tell me this, are things not completely WEIRD lately. i'm not sure what it is, and i cant point it out, and everyone reading this either completely understands or completely thinks i'm insane, which i probably am, but that's not the point. the air just feels different these days.. its like.. something in the wind is making me feel like something is completely wrong, and i cant even point it out. like being alone in a crowd of people, being freezing next to a heater, screaming in a room full of deaf people, standing untouched in the middle of an avalanche, or just falling asleep when your completely awake. don't ask me what im talking about because im not even sure if im trying to explain it right. things just don't feel ... right. like everyones either perfect or completley lost. im still trying to figure out where i stand in that. all i can say is, a jazz record does clear things up for a bit. - love you all yours, ever so truly. mmmmmmm... |
you are just like an avalanche, cold as i might have guessed. but at least i'm covered up for now.
well hi,
I don't know why I haven't been blogging as much as I have before, or how much often I even will.
lately, it almost seems pointless to blog about what's going on.
people notice that i write things that only make sense to me, and they question it.
"what did that one thing you write mean?"
"who are you talking about in your last blog?"
then i think, man, my blogs must really be confusing. so what's the point in even writing them? who am i pleasing by writing?
here i complain, yet my fingers still scurry around the keyboard and words are put down.
i watched the sixth sense for the first time ever, today.
this morning actually. aaron talked me into seeing it, every time i would almost get to watching it before today i'd chicken out because people would tell me how scary it is.
the truth is that the movie has been out for so long, even people who have never seen it knows that bruce willis is a ghost the whole time. the 'twist' has been out the day the movie went to theaters, so that little part was ruined for me. I didn't find it as scary as i had it in my head. it was a tad creepy but not really scary to me at all.
but trust me, this morning i would have much rather been doing something else than watching the sixth sense.
even though during this short time you weren't with me much, i still treasured every second.
but i'm guessing it's over. for now. and i don't know or even care if everything before was just talk but i thoroughly enjoyed it all, every word.
i'll be missing so much.
i had the loveliest of walks today. i was wearing weather appropriate clothes and it felt delicious outside.
i talked to bridget for a bit, we are planning a sleepover sometime this week.
then i guess either i'm going to the lakehouse this weekend (which i'm not sure if i really want to go) or bridget and i are going to savannah to look for halloween costumes.
i don't want to dress slutty this year. but i do want to be a cute-sexy thing.
just need to find out what that 'thing' is..
no set halloween plans yet, but i'll hopefully be doing something extremely fun.
i watched where the wild things are this weekend, while i thought it was essentially one of the cutest movies i've seen in a long time, i did have different expectations.
nonetheless, it was lovely.
[i never say lovely...]
i think i am getting a car fairly soon. i've been trying to nag my dad as much as i can by telling him to take me here and there, and picking me up places. i've even pulled the whole, i'm so sad because i can't leave the house card. but ultimately, i really want a job. honestly, i really want one.
i want to be making my own money and not have to ask my dad for allowance anymore, i'd like to do things more independently. step one: get a car, and get there.
besides, i'm tired of making my friends have to come out here and get me. i miss being able to do that for them, and get myself where i need to be.
..and wow, adam brody is severely attractive.
bah, i feel so cliche thinking he is cute now.
ha, i remember in middle school, taylor somers and i worshiped his poster.
i might as well stop blogging while i'm ranting about stupid shit.
g'night friends.
i really like this song : )
I don't know why I haven't been blogging as much as I have before, or how much often I even will.
lately, it almost seems pointless to blog about what's going on.
people notice that i write things that only make sense to me, and they question it.
"what did that one thing you write mean?"
"who are you talking about in your last blog?"
then i think, man, my blogs must really be confusing. so what's the point in even writing them? who am i pleasing by writing?
here i complain, yet my fingers still scurry around the keyboard and words are put down.
i watched the sixth sense for the first time ever, today.
this morning actually. aaron talked me into seeing it, every time i would almost get to watching it before today i'd chicken out because people would tell me how scary it is.
the truth is that the movie has been out for so long, even people who have never seen it knows that bruce willis is a ghost the whole time. the 'twist' has been out the day the movie went to theaters, so that little part was ruined for me. I didn't find it as scary as i had it in my head. it was a tad creepy but not really scary to me at all.
but trust me, this morning i would have much rather been doing something else than watching the sixth sense.
even though during this short time you weren't with me much, i still treasured every second.
but i'm guessing it's over. for now. and i don't know or even care if everything before was just talk but i thoroughly enjoyed it all, every word.
i'll be missing so much.
i had the loveliest of walks today. i was wearing weather appropriate clothes and it felt delicious outside.
i talked to bridget for a bit, we are planning a sleepover sometime this week.
then i guess either i'm going to the lakehouse this weekend (which i'm not sure if i really want to go) or bridget and i are going to savannah to look for halloween costumes.
i don't want to dress slutty this year. but i do want to be a cute-sexy thing.
just need to find out what that 'thing' is..
no set halloween plans yet, but i'll hopefully be doing something extremely fun.
i watched where the wild things are this weekend, while i thought it was essentially one of the cutest movies i've seen in a long time, i did have different expectations.
nonetheless, it was lovely.
[i never say lovely...]
i think i am getting a car fairly soon. i've been trying to nag my dad as much as i can by telling him to take me here and there, and picking me up places. i've even pulled the whole, i'm so sad because i can't leave the house card. but ultimately, i really want a job. honestly, i really want one.
i want to be making my own money and not have to ask my dad for allowance anymore, i'd like to do things more independently. step one: get a car, and get there.
besides, i'm tired of making my friends have to come out here and get me. i miss being able to do that for them, and get myself where i need to be.
..and wow, adam brody is severely attractive.
bah, i feel so cliche thinking he is cute now.
ha, i remember in middle school, taylor somers and i worshiped his poster.
i might as well stop blogging while i'm ranting about stupid shit.
g'night friends.
i really like this song : )
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Alabama, Arkansas,
I do love my ma and pa,
not that way that I do love you.
holy, moley, me, oh my,
you're the apple of my eye,
girl I've never loved one like you.
man oh man you're my best friend,
I scream it to the nothingness,
there ain't nothing that I need.
well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie,
chocolate candy, Jesus Christ,
ain't nothing please me more than you.
ahh home. let me go home.
home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh home. let me go ho-oh-ome.
home is wherever I'm with you.
la, la, la, la, take me home.
mother, I'm coming home.
I'll follow you into the park,
through the jungle through the dark,
girl I never loved one like you.
moats and boats and waterfalls,
alley-ways and pay phone calls,
I've been everywhere with you.
that's true. laugh until we think we'll die,
left with on a summer night,
never could be sweeter than with you.
& in the streets you run afree,
like it's only you and me,
jeez, you're something to see.
ahh home. let me go home.
home is wherever I'm with you.
ahh home. let me go ho-oh-ome.
home is wherever I'm with you.
la, la, la, la, take me home.
I do love my ma and pa,
not that way that I do love you.
holy, moley, me, oh my,
you're the apple of my eye,
girl I've never loved one like you.
man oh man you're my best friend,
I scream it to the nothingness,
there ain't nothing that I need.
well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie,
chocolate candy, Jesus Christ,
ain't nothing please me more than you.
ahh home. let me go home.
home is wherever I'm with you.
Ahh home. let me go ho-oh-ome.
home is wherever I'm with you.
la, la, la, la, take me home.
mother, I'm coming home.
I'll follow you into the park,
through the jungle through the dark,
girl I never loved one like you.
moats and boats and waterfalls,
alley-ways and pay phone calls,
I've been everywhere with you.
that's true. laugh until we think we'll die,
left with on a summer night,
never could be sweeter than with you.
& in the streets you run afree,
like it's only you and me,
jeez, you're something to see.
ahh home. let me go home.
home is wherever I'm with you.
ahh home. let me go ho-oh-ome.
home is wherever I'm with you.
la, la, la, la, take me home.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
wouldn't it be funny if half the people who came to the show tonight paid 28 dollars just to hear silversun pickups play lazy eye?
ha, oh wait...
i'm overly excited for tonight, i've been listening to silversun pickups now for a very very long time, every song is so soothing to me.
cage the elephant, gotta be honest, haven't really been a huge fan all that long but I do enjoy their music as well.
can't wait to see everyone, too!
ha, oh wait...
i'm overly excited for tonight, i've been listening to silversun pickups now for a very very long time, every song is so soothing to me.
cage the elephant, gotta be honest, haven't really been a huge fan all that long but I do enjoy their music as well.
can't wait to see everyone, too!
Monday, October 5, 2009
this rehab ain't working for me no more. i need my fix of you.
I have to be one of the awkward ones.
honestly, today I have run into so many awkward situations, it is unbelievable.
I am trying to look forward to the things coming up, say for instance..
silversun pickups & cage the elephant tomorrow!
this wonderful fellow, scott frank, works with some radio station and works at shoreline or monkey business and all those other local venues when bands come and meets them.
he's going to hook me up & let me go back stage & everything. I am so excited.
I also have this dilemma. November 11th: ATL- Get up kids & Kevin Devine or in Orlando, Minus the Bear is playing.
I have been dying to see MTB live for forever now, I just found out they are playing the same day! I'd probably definitely go but I made such a big deal about this other show and the Get up kids are finally back together again and Kevin Devine melts me like no other.
But bahhhh, Minus the Bear has an album coming out so this is a good way to hear them advertise it.
I don't know what I am going to do yet. Ugh!
Maybe I'll figure it out soon enough, I still need to scope out some people who'd like to join.
I made a 96 on my first psychology exam.
That and astronomy are my most strong subjects. I also am doing very well in music theory.
I'm taking like, 2 math courses which are insane, idk what I am in them. Then AP British literature is just really boring. out of all the english classes I could have taken, I chose that one.
But school is going well, I can't wait to graduate.
Although I do pretty soon, it feels weird, I don't feel old enough to be almost done with highschool.
I remember when my older sisters graduated high school and thinking, wow they are so old.
It's just so odd to me. Seventeen just feels so young.
I'm sleepy though, I must sleep.
hmmph, i don't know what i am supposed to feel or think of you right now. I'm so confused.
honestly, today I have run into so many awkward situations, it is unbelievable.
I am trying to look forward to the things coming up, say for instance..
silversun pickups & cage the elephant tomorrow!
this wonderful fellow, scott frank, works with some radio station and works at shoreline or monkey business and all those other local venues when bands come and meets them.
he's going to hook me up & let me go back stage & everything. I am so excited.
I also have this dilemma. November 11th: ATL- Get up kids & Kevin Devine or in Orlando, Minus the Bear is playing.
I have been dying to see MTB live for forever now, I just found out they are playing the same day! I'd probably definitely go but I made such a big deal about this other show and the Get up kids are finally back together again and Kevin Devine melts me like no other.
But bahhhh, Minus the Bear has an album coming out so this is a good way to hear them advertise it.
I don't know what I am going to do yet. Ugh!
Maybe I'll figure it out soon enough, I still need to scope out some people who'd like to join.
I made a 96 on my first psychology exam.
That and astronomy are my most strong subjects. I also am doing very well in music theory.
I'm taking like, 2 math courses which are insane, idk what I am in them. Then AP British literature is just really boring. out of all the english classes I could have taken, I chose that one.
But school is going well, I can't wait to graduate.
Although I do pretty soon, it feels weird, I don't feel old enough to be almost done with highschool.
I remember when my older sisters graduated high school and thinking, wow they are so old.
It's just so odd to me. Seventeen just feels so young.
I'm sleepy though, I must sleep.
hmmph, i don't know what i am supposed to feel or think of you right now. I'm so confused.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm so sick of people.
I do one goddamn thing this weekend that is blown up to be a huge deal.
I went to Charleston. I stayed with a good friend of mine that I have known for forever who attends the school. We stayed out for the night.
Since when does that mean I automatically do immature whore related things?
Erin didn't really know the people we were staying with all that well and she posted a comment saying "I stayed on this guys futon" to someone, I can see how that can seem a little sketchy.
But in all honesty it wasn't at all. I didn't hook up with anyone at all that whole night. Didn't want to and didn't plan on it. So I don't care if "3 out of 5" students at CofC have an STD, simply because I don't care to have any contact with them to get myself accounted with one. I just wanted to have a mini getaway this weekend because I did not feel like being here.
Friday night was a lot of fun, going camping with Bridget & Tony, was amazing. It was really chill, and we just made fools of ourselves. Indian dancing to tribal music on Ipod speakers around the bonfire, making s'mores, going kayaking and being completely silly goons.
It was perfect, three friends just enjoying the outdoors :)
And although everyone made a huge nothing out of Charleston, overall it was a fun time.
Not something I will be doing very often however, it was an experience.
From now on, I will no longer care about the stupid things people inquire. i'll just have myself a good fucking time, and not worry about a thing.
I do one goddamn thing this weekend that is blown up to be a huge deal.
I went to Charleston. I stayed with a good friend of mine that I have known for forever who attends the school. We stayed out for the night.
Since when does that mean I automatically do immature whore related things?
Erin didn't really know the people we were staying with all that well and she posted a comment saying "I stayed on this guys futon" to someone, I can see how that can seem a little sketchy.
But in all honesty it wasn't at all. I didn't hook up with anyone at all that whole night. Didn't want to and didn't plan on it. So I don't care if "3 out of 5" students at CofC have an STD, simply because I don't care to have any contact with them to get myself accounted with one. I just wanted to have a mini getaway this weekend because I did not feel like being here.
Friday night was a lot of fun, going camping with Bridget & Tony, was amazing. It was really chill, and we just made fools of ourselves. Indian dancing to tribal music on Ipod speakers around the bonfire, making s'mores, going kayaking and being completely silly goons.
It was perfect, three friends just enjoying the outdoors :)
And although everyone made a huge nothing out of Charleston, overall it was a fun time.
Not something I will be doing very often however, it was an experience.
From now on, I will no longer care about the stupid things people inquire. i'll just have myself a good fucking time, and not worry about a thing.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I was kicked out last night :(
i guess it's my stubborn attitude that clashes with my dad.
ugh! he can just be the most selfish person on this planet. i'm not even going to get into that right now.
but trust me it is.
when you are more up for buying yourself the new itouch then put money towards your daughters SAT or ACT tests, you've got a problem.
I walked around a while last night when I got out. I was just wearing a kinda big tie dyed t-shirt that just barely covered the little shorts i was wearing. no make up on, and my hair straight and down a little below my shoulders. i looked like, a bum. wandering spanish wells crying, only a not-so-charged cell phone in hand. I just remember that walk. nothing could scare me at that moment, nothing could upset me anymore. i felt immortal (i had technique;] ....small joke). then I thought, well, while all this is nice and how relaxingly dark and great it feels out here. I'm gonna need a place to sleep tonight. I called Catie, a really amazing friend. She met up with me down her street and we talked and talked and talked. Then....we made brownies! Suddenly my not so great night was turning around just by being there. away from my house.
before we went to bed we stayed up for a while giggling under the covers about hilarious senarios. "sci fi is THAT way!"
I tossed and turned all night. All but thoughts on my mind like strong notes in Forte.
...and the fact that my wisdom teeth were coming in and that plus me crying hours before created a huge uncomfortable headache.
i'm home now. it's 8:30. saved by the bell is on. I really want to see this, I love kelly, jessie, zach, slater, screech, and lisa. i miss those guys dearly!
I may just fall asleep though.
Pants is in a really cuddly mood and keeps purring and trying to twist her little body beside me anyway she can, somehow trying to lay in my arms.
sounds good to me, i miss cuddling. right now, even pants will do.
i guess it's my stubborn attitude that clashes with my dad.
ugh! he can just be the most selfish person on this planet. i'm not even going to get into that right now.
but trust me it is.
when you are more up for buying yourself the new itouch then put money towards your daughters SAT or ACT tests, you've got a problem.
I walked around a while last night when I got out. I was just wearing a kinda big tie dyed t-shirt that just barely covered the little shorts i was wearing. no make up on, and my hair straight and down a little below my shoulders. i looked like, a bum. wandering spanish wells crying, only a not-so-charged cell phone in hand. I just remember that walk. nothing could scare me at that moment, nothing could upset me anymore. i felt immortal (i had technique;] ....small joke). then I thought, well, while all this is nice and how relaxingly dark and great it feels out here. I'm gonna need a place to sleep tonight. I called Catie, a really amazing friend. She met up with me down her street and we talked and talked and talked. Then....we made brownies! Suddenly my not so great night was turning around just by being there. away from my house.
before we went to bed we stayed up for a while giggling under the covers about hilarious senarios. "sci fi is THAT way!"
I tossed and turned all night. All but thoughts on my mind like strong notes in Forte.
...and the fact that my wisdom teeth were coming in and that plus me crying hours before created a huge uncomfortable headache.
i'm home now. it's 8:30. saved by the bell is on. I really want to see this, I love kelly, jessie, zach, slater, screech, and lisa. i miss those guys dearly!
I may just fall asleep though.
Pants is in a really cuddly mood and keeps purring and trying to twist her little body beside me anyway she can, somehow trying to lay in my arms.
sounds good to me, i miss cuddling. right now, even pants will do.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
meet me in montauk.
I already forget how I used to feel about you
Leave as fast as you came, no invitation, nowhere to go from here
I've been wandering around wondering how I got so
Fucking boring all the sudden so fucking scared... I'm not
you'd mean so much more to me if I remembered.
This song is amazing by Circa Survive. you need to check it out if you haven't already. It's thirteen minutes long, and there is only about 6 minutes of song in it. You hear what you think is the whole song, but then minutes go by of silence and a hidden song appears.
The whole song is referred to eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
an amazing movie, and the band must really be into it as well. Seeing as, another title of their songs is called "wish resign'd" which is from the film in a little poem type thing.
if you look up the lyrics, you will see so many lines that make you think of the film.
a lot of their songs have hidden references to Eternal Sunshine. Definitely one of the best songs on the album. as old as it is, i still like to come back to old albums i haven't heard in a really long time and grow more appreciation for it.
Leave as fast as you came, no invitation, nowhere to go from here
I've been wandering around wondering how I got so
Fucking boring all the sudden so fucking scared... I'm not
you'd mean so much more to me if I remembered.
This song is amazing by Circa Survive. you need to check it out if you haven't already. It's thirteen minutes long, and there is only about 6 minutes of song in it. You hear what you think is the whole song, but then minutes go by of silence and a hidden song appears.
The whole song is referred to eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
an amazing movie, and the band must really be into it as well. Seeing as, another title of their songs is called "wish resign'd" which is from the film in a little poem type thing.
if you look up the lyrics, you will see so many lines that make you think of the film.
a lot of their songs have hidden references to Eternal Sunshine. Definitely one of the best songs on the album. as old as it is, i still like to come back to old albums i haven't heard in a really long time and grow more appreciation for it.
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and I got home late tonight.
I feel as if I'm neglecting Pants. I don't like myself for that reason.
I also feel bad because I'm one of those people who never check their messages. I could have my inbox filled with lots of messages on my phone and never get around to listening to them because I just never feel like it. But I always do eventually, it's just now we're so spoiled with technology it just feels like there are so many other ways to notify someone with something. All these new things are involved with phones, these high tech iPhones, applications, sending pictures and videos, texting, and i can only go on. you never hear "my voicemail" anymore. it's a little sad, i admit. anyways, my family is very old fashioned, leaves lots of voicemails. apparently my sister lacie left me a message or two on christmas that i didn't even know I had until she notified me on another popular portal we have today, which would be known as "Facebook". It's kind of awkward to respond with, uh yeah about that, i don't really use my voicemail. that just sounds stupid. So, not only do I feel like I'm neglecting Pants, but even my own family.
Is it normal to go through different phases with music? for a while, I'll be listening to basically nothing but acoustics and soft/calming things (like Elliott Smith, or The Get Up Kids, things like that). or for a while, i'll be into more upbeat things. But now, I've been into all this old shit. It's all things that I have always loved but spent less time listening to rather than the new-er music I have. Even things like old jazz like Astrud Gilberto or Tom waits. I played a couple mixes I made long ago with pure beatles songs, I love Obla-di Obla-da! & Penny Lane, and so so many others. Jim Morrison & The Monkees have been on my recent list as well as on my heart. Gary Puckett, Gene Pitney, Maria Muldaur, Bebel Gilberto. I had a long discussion of some of this and some of that old jazz with one of those late night talkers. I never talk to him, but when I do it's always a good conversation.
Hey, this year is almost over.
this means New Years is soon, meaning that night should be a lot of fun.
the last time I had a New Years Kiss is with one of my old boyfriends from the old land I used to live on from like 2 or 3 years ago.
Other than that, I don't really know why but I just didn't have one of those epic new years kisses you hear about. I am aiming to get one this year. No matter where I am, or who I am with.
By the way, if this doesn't make my night, I don't know what else will.
CLIIIICK MEEEE!!
Goodnight, crazies.