It's been a while

I'm sorry guys. I've been more active on tumblr and honestly forgot about my blogspot.

Kind of contradicting what I said before.

That I'd keep up with this, and all.

Uh....what's new with me. Things are new. A lot of things are new actually.

First, lets see what I am MOST excited about! Concerts!

I am going to see Circa Survive in 7 days. They will be playing

at the music farm, which is insanely close to me. I already have my ticket, not missing this amazing opportunity.

Next, I will be seeing Andy Hull & Kevin Devine in December.

DSHGOIGHD! God, can't fucking wait for that. I haven't s

een Andy Hull live since I saw Manchester & Brand New like 4 or 5 years ago. And I took that show for granted. Yeah, weird how you can take shows for granted.

To be honest, I'm not really sure who reads this anymore. Everyone I follow stopped blogging, too. Except for Kristen. I still love your blogs, cutie!

I don't care though. I can always turn here for a personal little journal of some sort. Tumblr is kind of like this but it's more appropriate to actually blog here.

Only a semester of USCB and I am out of here. For good. I mean it, I don't like it here.

I like aspects of it, like my friends/boyfriend,

having decent weather and the beach.

But, I know I don't belong here. I guess when you're younger you belong wherever your family is, and then when you grow up everything changes. Even yourself.

I want to be somewhere fast paced and calm at the same time. I want to be somewhere with a good music scene and fun people.

I know exactly where I am going, too.

Where, you ask? don't worry about it.

this weekend was nice having bridget here and spending everyday together. I also got to take midnight walks with my lovely neighbor, Matthew, and we went to Fancy Q the next day.

Charleston is treating them well.

I visited Charleston the other weekend and had a lot of fun myself. mmmm.

A while back I saw Yeasayer in Savannah, they played with Washed out. It was one of the best live performances I have seen besides Metric. Oh good

ness, I felt as if I was in a dream. Definitely made me much more of a yeasayer fan...

Speaking of dreams, lately I have been wishing there was some switch to cut them off for the night. They've been to painful for me, dreams I could handle before but can't now. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Other than that....

everything is beautiful.

You were my Candy.

Day 1 - July 2002

It was Sunday and I was at the therapist when my dad found out my brother Michael was in the hospital and he got in a car accident. We rushed to the hospital. A few days later my mom called the cops on my dad. Well, my mom was just thinking about herself. But, we are hiding at Al's house and Joe's house. We are at Al's right now, we were just swimming and Alex got very mean and started to tease me! What else will go wrong!

It's my birthday and Michael talked! In spanish and in English. This is great!

Day two

Morning right now of all of our nightmare! I'm supposed to have my birthday party today at moms, but if I go back to Beaufort my dad will get arrested. I wanted my party so bad! I wish things would turn out better. What scares me is....It's not over yet.

4:50 p.m. -

At about 3:30 I called Mariah. She asked me where I was. I wasn't supposed to tell her but I told her that I would tell her all the details later. I'm allowed to tell Ashley, my friend, because her parents know about this whole thing so Ashley knows. This is so serious that it might go in the news paper! All my dad is doing is jut trying to see his son Michael. There should be no harm.

10:55 p.m. -

We just got back from the skating rink, when we decided NOT to rent a movie because it's too late. Everyone wants to go to sleep. I don't. So Alex, me, dad and Angela are going to watch a movie on TV but I don't like watching movies on satellite because the movies that are good are like almost over. But who knows, we could get lucky and get a movie from the beginning. I can't write right now because we're gonna watch something. I'll write later.

Day three-

We are on our way to Kennys house for his birthday party. I haven't had mine yet. It's going to be a 3 hour drive down to his house. Today or yesterday was supposed to be my party but I can't have it at all because my mother called the cops on my dad! This really sucks. I got an e-mail from my mom and my pen-pal. I'm not allowed to write them back because my mom might find out where we are and trace us down. I really wish I could at least write my pen pal back.

July 23-

Last night my dad was on the phone. When he got off, he told us that the cops tried to arrest Hulio because they thought he was my dad. Hulio is my brother Michaels step father! We're afraid that the cops might find us!

July 26-

I'm at school right now because if my dad didn't bring me home yesterday he would have been arrested. We will have to go to court on Tuesday though. It's been stressful for me. It's also my first day of 5th grade! I already missed the first week so I have to meet new people. I just wish someone could understand the things that happened to me..

August 7-

Sorry I haven't written in a long time. My mom has already been to court. She didn't tell me anything! I wish she would tell me what's going on, I'm confused! She told me my dad is brainwashing me and my dad is saying she is brainwashing me. Who do I believe? I don't know.

August 15-

The judge is trying to figure out who we are going to live with. My brother is dying to know. We all are. Things are so confusing. I feel like I don't know that much. My dad is telling me more than my mom is, I'm about to die here!

November 11-

I have been to a lot of therapists. They say something is wrong with me. I think I have to wait for my mom to take me to Dr. Saylor. Sometimes I can't wait anymore, the answer is waiting somewhere.

The rest of the pages have been torn out.

Everything I know about breaking hearts, I learned from you.

Just forget me, it's that simple.

Um, this is the worst fucking week.

Now to me, this either means I'm going to have one kick ass birthday weekend, or....

it could be the start of my midlife crisis.

Hi hi hi hi!

Okay, so as you have all PROBABLY noticed...

I am getting into Townes Van Zandt!

I used to listen to some of his stuff when I was younger but the truth is, Melanie at that age did not see the beauty in things so easily. I seemed so...two dimensional.

anyways...he is a dark folk singer and he is SO beautiful.

Ah! sends shivers down my legs.

I tried downloading all these torrents from him but they just won't work and I'm sad.

Other news- I just got a tumblr! and I promise you trusty blogspot, I will not neglect you. I will still write my most personal things here.

That's just for funzies.

(I hope I mean all of that, sometimes I can go back on my words)

I also decided not to talk about my 'love' life, whatever of it exists.

because it's just not needed.

and I have so much other things to blog about, anyways!

Instead of doing so, whatever sorrows I have I will not elaborate now, I'd rather be a girl and devour toasted coconut ice cream on my bed while watching when harry met sally.

OKAY. goodbye.

whiskey by my dyin' bed, tell me where to lay my head

not with me is all she said, early in the morning.

Yessssss

what

do you dream up while I tongue you down?

this is a really awkward blog to type, but

In case anyone was falsely informed-

being in the 'talks' with me does not mean getting your dick sucked.

ew. sorry, if you have no idea what I am talking about then just disregard this and do not ask me what it's about. ha.

I have buried you, every place I've been.

You keep ending up, in my shaking hands.

xo

If

I had a fucking dime for every time someone in my family goes to jail.

way to ruin my day, guys.

Just watch the fireworks

So, usually...
my fourth of July...sucks!
because, I don't care to really outwardly make plans and celebrate it, it just always seemed dumb and I'd just do stupid things.
but THIS fourth of july was incredible! I woke up yesterday later than planned, I asked Desiree to come with me because I knew she'd love it, and we went to Beaufort. We went to Ryes house where we met up with patrick, michael, duffy, and kenneth. We separated from the boys for a bit to get 'girl' time, and so they could have man time. Desiree, Mariah, and I went to Luthers (this really good grille & bar downtown) and ate great food while listening to the acoustic performer. We walked around a bit and went to the Preserve to take a short swim at the pool and had deep conversations about boys and cliche things like that.
We head back to Mariahs house and meet up with duffy, patrick, and all of them once again and then Daniella, Jay, and Caroline come over too. This was like...my main squeeze before I left town. They are really awesome. Since the sands is like super close to mariahs house (and my old house) we just all decide to walk there because it was crawling with people to see the fireworks and the parking was awful, and we get to the beach area and almost immediately the fireworks set off. They literally go over our heads! I'm going to post pictures at the end of this blog. They were so close and huge and extravagant that it almost sounded like...bombs were going off. They were so fucking loud and vibrated the earth almost. It was so unreal, but absolutely mindblowing and beautiful. We all walk back and a few more people head over and we all have a drink or two (ha) to celebrate. Oh, and tyler and I sent each other like pictures of the fireworks we saw, I guess his was at some random wal-mart they were staying at in detroit and then he sends me ANOTHER picture, and I totally think it's going to be more fireworks but it's this UFO thing. And he told me it was a UFO and I got really creeped out because it looked real, but it turns out it was just a fan. ha, but his fourth of july seemed pretty interesting, he just needs to be back in SC rather than MI! Oh well, anyways, back to my wonderful night. We all watch Marble Hornets and I get scared out of my fucking MIND. there is this slender man in this youtube series and I researched it after and there really IS a slender man myth. This guy who has freakishly long legs and arms will randomly just show up in various photographs with children and he is wearing a tux. he'll be standing in the background. there are two really famous photographs that he is shown pretty clearly in around the 80's and the photographers were reported missing afterwards which is really ....odd. It scared me half to death. Daniella and I stayed up until 8:00 a.m. talking for hours and when I finally went to sleep I was so paranoid that a tall slender man was watching me. It's kind of like paranormal activity, even though I've never watched it, but it makes you so afraid of what goes on while your eyes are closed in bed. heres the link about the slender man myth, TELL me i'm not insane. Click to see the slender man!

Also, this kid Robby made me the most amazing video. Please view it here.

You'll be a new person, I promise, you will- you will!

Weirdest dream ever last night.
I was in a hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors about to have surgery done on me.
they kept sticking these needles in me to put me asleep.
I was supposed to get sleepy, but I never did. It had no effect on me.
They kept urging me to sleep, but I couldn't.
Thats where the title of this blog comes in.

They kept repeating it, just let the medicine work, you'll be a new person when you wake up I promise.
I never do remember falling asleep in that dream. But if I did, how would I dream being asleep? How can one dream about dreaming. and what would those dreams even BE.

While you

are away, my heart comes undone.
slowly unravels in a ball of yarn-
the devil collects it with a grin.


you'll never return.

I'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a boy

I've been having quite the amazing summer.
I've completely dropped people from my life, and added the ones who matter.
Like Gage, I'm finally able to admit that I am definitely over him this time. So over him, that I can put his name into one of my blogs for the first time ever.
You really know that someone is an asshole, when their friends apologize FOR them for being an asshole (without me even bringing him up to them first, too) and saying I deserve better. And not just one or two of their friends, either.
I do deserve better, and I know that now. Someone who doesn't just see me as a life failure and wants me to be happy and to do well.
I'm getting closer and closer to that.
All that I went through added up to the best of karma for me, as I see it. I have found so much happiness in everything around me. I have noticed that even my sleep has been much more peaceful.


Bridget and I kind of rekindled our friendship (again) last night. We have been very off and on lately, each of us change and grow apart, but then grow back together. It's completely weird. We really don't even have that much in common. But we can laugh for hours about pointless things which molds us mostly. I don't know if I'd consider us best friends again, because we have different ideas of fun sometimes but we are definitely friends.

I've also been watching a couple of episodes of Daria a day, as much as I can fit into my days lately that is.
I forgot how much I liked that show. Daria and her friend remind me of my sister Lacie and maybe that is why I like it so much. The way that they talk, or act so intelligent around the annoying popular kids and adults really makes me think about Lacie, actually haha.
And the fact that when SHE was a teenager and I was quite young, she'd always be watching it in the living room and I'd sit and watch it with her even though some of the stuff I didn't understand, it was nice to be watching something with her. She's amazing and I miss her a lot, I talked to her on the phone yesterday but not nearly as long as I wanted to. I was approaching the destination I was driving to as she called so we only had about 5 minutes, so I need to remember to call her back at some point today/tonight.

Cheerio mates, xoxo

bulletproof... I wish I was

Update:
Hi. It's been a while. Not really, but it's been a while since I've wrote an in depth blog.
Usually when people ask me, what's new? I have either nothing at all to reply to them, or whatever I DO say, I absolutely bore them with a pathetic answer.
But now, things are new. Not much but enough to keep me satisfied.
First off, I started a new job! I quit the superficial abercrombie, there was nothing rewarding about it. I barely even shop there anymore, and I could get paid better by babysitting.
The new job isn't ideal, but I can get used to it. Yeah, working for my dad again. But why not? I have different tasks this time, i.e. being a receptionist. I'm doing way more important things for the business rather than just filing and scanning/faxing shit. I mean I still do that stuff, but I also have to deal with patients, learn the abbreviations for medications and medical issues to be able to copy them from their file to log it into their patient files on the new computer system we have. I felt stupid. I had to enter in medical history for this one older lady, and on one of her sheets it said 'LBP'. I didn't recognize it and I asked one of the nurses what it meant, and they just stared at me for a few seconds and said "....it's lower back pain." I was just like, okay, I'll try to remember that next time? ha, but I've actually learned a lot of abbreviations so far so that is good. I get paid 10 an hour and I'm wanted to work three days a week from 9-5. which is a good 8 hours, so 8 times 10 is 80 and 80 x 3 = 240, and we get paid every two weeks to 240 plus 240 is a whopping 480 dollars! but you also have to take out taxes and realize that I'll probably slack and not work my exact amount of hours. so, lets just cut that number in half shall we?
also! not to mention the amazing new people in my life.
that are there for different reasons : )
new people:
1- you are fun to think about and I like you a lot.
2- you're cute! fun kid you are, and I'm glad you can trust me enough already to tell me these crazy personal things. I am always here to listen.
3- I don't know if your ideas of us being friends are genuine but I should be able to know very shortly.
4- you are a sweetheart and I think you can really help me out.
5- you're nice and your name is very unique, and I think you should date abby. ha.

I need to stop being so nice and driving my friends miles and miles to where they need to go and not get anything in return. Once in a while of course I'm happy to do that for them, but sometimes it is too much for me.

dfhsgfdhsgiosdhg.
Today was the best day I've had in a while!
I feel like I'm on cloud niiiiiiine.

I knew that it was stupid of me.
if he only desires one aspect of you, and will write songs for girls that have a face equivalent to that of a horse;
he is not worth it.

I will continue what I have started.
You.

Lovely little thing




thing thing thing thing thing

Just a waste of paint

This weekend has been fast and rapid.
I have been feeling more of the urge to escape, go go go.
But then, other times I don't want to go anywhere because my whole body is full with excitement.
I'm terribly up and down and rather confused.
Honestly, everything seems half and half.
It (seems) like half the people I care(d) for the most have been the largest disappointments, and don't have good intentions for me.
While the other half, completely surprise me and make me happy. What's sad is, the people who are being the greatest are the ones I never expected anything from. And the ones I held so much respect for, let me down.
It's only temporary, people do change. Have I? Sure. In little ways though, I still ultimately feel like myself. I have just been looking for ways lately to numb out all the negative and upsetting things in my life. All it's doing is backfiring though, which is scary.
I have always had a tendency of blacking out things I don't like and it always worked but for only a limited amount of time.
I've been doing that again, the upside is though that I've been convincing myself that I am so, so happy. Which is true and I believe that, but what happens when you feel like you're nearing your breaking point?
The question is, where what and who do you turn to?
Not an empty bottle, not untrusting characters. I've found the ones I've trusted. Certain friends that I may have pushed out of my life for dumb reasons, and captured them again. Each time I come back, I'm better. Each time they come back, they are better. For that, I cannot be happier that they are here.
And It's always nice getting to know people you didn't think you'd expect to get to know.
Because you don't really know where it'll take you. But, I'm more than willing to open myself up to possibilities.

I really wish I was going somewhere this summer, somewhere far. This would have been a better time to take that cruise.
God, would it be better.

No more wasting away, I'm almost 18! It seems so weird to me, I remember looking at that age as ...old. Like looking up to the 18 year olds and thinking, it will be forever until I can be that age and have that much freedom. And look as old as they do! But...I don't look older. Ha. In fact sometimes I think I look too young. But I've pulled off looking 18 & up before, so it can't be so bad.

This week will be a fun one.
Cheerio.

Okay

first off. I'm fuckiiiiiiiing

HAPPY.

second..

New amazing video, seductive & funny.

You give me Bieber Fever.

Hat time with Tyler G and Melanie!

Bahahahahahahahahah

Hooray, hooray- I'm your silver lining. : )

Cute cute cute.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go see Desiree's OPENING! Yay!

Have a good Wednesday, friends.

I'm gonna leave you the first chance I get

Hi. I like this little Macbook a lot.

We are going to get along just wonderfully.

When it comes to guys, I get myself in a lose-lose situation.

There is the flirty stage, and that's fun for the couple days that it lasts. Then, I realize that they are actually really starting to like me, and I get turned off and just stop talking to them all in all.

But I would have kept liking them if they didn't act so attached, and made it seem like I had to chase them.

I don't like the ones who stay tied on my fingers, but the ones who keep slipping off.

It sounds really fucked up, and it is, because I really just want to be swepppppt off my feet.

bah.

I need to get out of that mindset where romance is a game, so I can really be happy with someone I can stand still with.

Maybe it's time I let that one nice boy win.

thankfully- I'm finally opening up.

so let the sweeping begin.

I've got to get ready, Tony and Cameron are coming over. I'm going to take them around the island, I think they want to go to Harbor Town so maybe I'll take them there.

Have a good day, I heart (some of) you!

xoxo

Blogging is just fun to do

When it's late at night and you are in a big house you only sleep in once a year. All the lights are out, and the only thing you can smell is faded cigarette smoke & the only thing you can hear is the tall basement stairs creaking.

It's basically pretty relaxing. I'm taking a break from reading as well, a book called A Million Little Pieces.
It's cliche, yes, and I read it a long time ago but I don't really remember a thing.
I don't want to read anything else about crazy people or, in this case, mental institutions (loony bins as I like to call them) after watching Shutter Island for the first time.
Movie review! In case you havent seen this movie I will tell you now I may give out some spoiler alerts, so...beware?
I love movies like this, I have refrained from Shutter Island since it came out because typical me hates watching things that everyone talks about constantly and urges me to see it. So I was always just like, oh sounds good, yeah, I'll see it one of these days. Never did. Until vacation when my uncle who is obsessed with technology and has all these weird ass inventions and new gadgets lying around the house, offers to play it after burning it from the internet. So, I totally agreed to watch it. It would be with my family who has never heard of it before and I could be the one who says, oh yeah guys I know about this movie. And they wouldn't have a clue. So, we watched it tonight.
It completely played with my mind, it's creepy how fast someone could convince you that you are completely insane within five minutes if they had the right tricks up their sleeves. Sometimes I think that half the patients in the institutions these days are there for misconceptions of their mind. Anyone has what it takes to be as crazy as the next guy, he's just had different strings pulled. We could be in his shoes any day. Maybe. With a little lobotomy done, who knows!
Anyways, since all my friends kept glorifying the incredible twist in the ending of this movie, I had a feeling that the end was going to be just as it turned out to be so I wasn't quite as amazed as I hoped for. I had a feeling he was imagining certain people, and that he probably was the murderer of his wife and lived with a guilty conscience which is pretty common.

I can't sit here and act like a know it all.
I mean, it is like 'they' say, right? If you get surgery often, does that really make you a surgeon?




Fuck yes it makes you a surgeon, you bet your ass it makes you a surgeon, and don't you forget it.

This trip has been all that it was cracked up to be. Family, drunken gatherings (on my part), malls, attractions, hills, and reminiscing.
As usual, all that 'fun' has to come to an end, and that end is tomorrow. We are leaving to come back home to the flat land.
I wish I lived in a hilly area, with a fun quaint city where there were always things to do and shows to see. That's all I ask. I plan on doing so very soon.
I wasn't made to come to South Carolina, I wasn't ever made to live there.
Maybe it's not exactly here that I'd live, but it will have pretty green grassed hills and shit to do.

I put my niece to bed last night, and it was weird as hell because my mom packed her the little books I was read before bed when I was 6 or 7. I felt like a mom. I ran her bath, put on her pj's, brushed her teeth and tucked her under the covers. I sat facing her while reading a curious george story book as I noticed she didn't look satisfied. I asked what was wrong and she wanted me to get under the covers with her and lay beside her while I read. I decided, why not, and did as she asked. I felt her head drop on my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair which is almost an impulse for me to do, and I remember being in her place only years ago. I got so creeped out by time and how much things change and how it all slips through the cracks of my fingers.

I'm pissed at my dad too because I told him that I had someone taking care of my cat while I was gone and he said that was fine, and then I get a call from matt saying pants wasnt in my room. So then I call my dad and he says he threw her outside just because he had a stuffy nose and figured he was allergic to cats. asshole. I started having a meltdown and crying my eyes out, I called matt and just cried to him asking to look for her. I still can't believe I did that, how awkward. So he was like, mel i'm already on it and he was in my backyard in like 5 minutes and said her food was outside and that he saw an animal under my house but couldnt see what it was. All i remember is screaming at my dad on the phone about how much i hate him until i was on my aunts lawn curled up in a ball yelling in the phone for all the neighbors to see what a wacked out job I was. Goodness. Even now I still don't know where my cat is but Matt said he's been looking everyday and putting food in her bowl. I don't know if that should make me feel better or not. My sister kept comforting me because she could kind of relate to how I felt, she knew how much of an asshole my dad was, and kept saying how much of a good guy matt was and stuff and on and on about him when all i wanted her to talk to me about was my damn cat.

whatever. she better be there when i get back or i will just about lose it.
I'm really not a crazy cat person like I seem, it's just that I have raised her since she was a kitten so it just kind of sucks that this happened.
I care too much about other things and other people that it ends up leaving me a complete mess. I can never just focus on myself really.

But I did treat myself to a couple good things on this trip. I got a new black leather purse from urban outfitters, and a couple sexy cute dresses from there, and I got some lingerie from this little botique and some new heels and some other outfits around the mall. Retail therapy can tend to make me feel better, not always but most of the time. I don't go shopping that often, since now I have had to be the one to pay for everything like my clothes and food since I have a job. But I saved money especially this trip to finally take some time and shop for summer clothes.
On the way back home tomorrow I really want to stop by Roanoke, where I was born. I was told that we could, but who knows if they will want to. I really hope so. That is the cutest little town, and monsterous hills. The average person who lives there has a drive way as steep as a.....really steep waterslide. ha.

okay I'm running out of good similes for things so now that means I need to go to bed. or keep talking to my friends on Facebook IM who I've been ignoring for this blog. It's nice to get everything out. I do like blogging, I do.
I have so many things to do when I get home though, everyones been trying to plan things with me the second I get there between beaufort and bluffton and hilton head and it's hard to combine them all as soon as I get home. It just wont happen. But what will happen is me seeing sex and the city 2, I HAVE to see it, I am a sex and the city fanatic.
This was fun.

xoxo,
yours

She found a love and he found a victim

Here are some of the pictures from DC/Wax museum that my cousin took. I have way more but these are really interesting:

My apologies-

To the ridiculous blog that I posted last night.
Anyways, I am on my uncles laptop right now and can't be on long.
But so far this trip has been amazing! I've gone shopping already in this gorgeous mall, and bought really...'hot' things ;)
tehe. and... I went on a 10 mile hike today! It was beautiful and very hilly. (I love love love hills! anywhere with hills, is a happy place for me.)
While we were hiking over this old decayed train track, to a distance you could see a field resembling the sound of music. With TAGGED cows! It was so sad to know that they were running around all happy and cute and eventually they were going to have their heads chopped off. or something. Ugh! Humans can be the worst.

I feel renewed and refreshed after todays hike, and saw bunches of cousins I havent seen in a while and kept getting told how much i'm turning into a "blossoming" young woman. Bull-shit.
Ha, just because I grew tits since the last time they saw me doesn't mean i'm this whole new person. I think I look the same for the most part, unfortunately.
Wednesday we get to go to DC, we are going to go to the wax museum first as I've explained and then I'm going to try to get everyone to go to the Holocaust because I reallllly want to go there.

I love this movie! I havent seen it in a while until earlier today, it's called 'Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice" It was made in 1969 and it's about a group of two friends slowly getting involved in a foursome. They explore this out of therapy sessions. You'll have to watch it, by director Paul Mazursky. I don't know if you have or haven't heard of him but he's pretty good.




My sleep schedule has been a lot better, I've gone to bed before or around midnight the past couple nights. I hope I fall in the same pattern this week. Weirdly enough, I still wake up around 11, tired and groggy.

annnnd, you're a cute little texting thing.

I'm

completely and totally content.
with everything.
it's the best feeling,
and i'm having the BEST time.

Bahaha.

If Karla Compton and Davis Ruplinger had a baby:

Exhaustion. I've been getting absolutely no sleep at night, and we all know what that causes.
Bright red eyes the whole next day.
I'm going to try to go to bed pretty early tonight, because I was walking around like a zombie all day today.
And randomly falling asleep places. Matt came over today around 12 because he said he wanted to tan or something, but I fell asleep on him the whole time, passed out on one of the chairs by the pool. Then he left, and I went to go visit my friends elsewhere and pay a little visit to Moes because I haven't been there in forever. I almost fell asleep walking to the door! We ran into Frampie and Tyler G, and some other people I didn't know and that was awkward just because I felt completely out of it and gross but I didn't really care. Then Abby told me she didn't feel like eating there, and I agreed. Big time.
Then this OTHER Matt I know (Viskovich) called me and he wanted to hang out a little bit before he had to go to work so he was around Sea Turtle cashing a check somewhere and we decided to get milkshakes at Cheeburger.
Abby of course was going buckwild with his camera phone taking picture after picture and I was burying my face in my arms like, the WHOLE time. and finally matt grabbed his phone back, but asked for a picture of me anyways so I just slid on my glasses and said, fuck it, one.
Other than that, the milkshakes were really good. But theres times where I can't stand pictures being taken, and when I love them being taken. Today, was a no-no.
Then I went to Abby's and fell asleep on her while watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and then decided to just go home. So here I am. I'm about to go to bed, I'm just waiting for my 30 minutes to be up because I'm using Crest White Strips. Which are bothering me right now, they taste icky. Ugh!
I can't wait to get a good nights sleep. And wake up and feel wahndaful.
Tomorrow I'm going to Savannah, so I DO need my beauty rest!

-xoxo

: (

Today was wonderful and fun,
and tonight is terrible!
I've got a bag of frozen peas on my head laying in just a baggy old t-shirt,
and i've been throwing up all night.

I hate feeling sick!

That is all.
Does anyone know of something going around...?

A gloomy day- Indeed!

Ugh! It just puts a damper on my day when I wake up to thunder and rain.
Actually, to be honest, I love waking up to rain and thunder, but NOT when I wanted to spend the day outside in the gorgeous sun!
I was planning on going to the beach today too, but now because of the weather that plan is shot.
I have errands to run anyhow, and I must get on them after this blog is through.
A determined person I know says that even though the weather is terrible, he still plans on spending his day outside at the pool playing Tornado! That's how I need to be.
I can't let rain ruin....everything. Then again, my friends wouldn't be willing to do anything outside either. But, that doesn't mean it's not a good gym day!

I am so incredibly excited for this weekend. I leave for Fairfax Virginia. This is where all my family lives, and it's located around my birthplace (Roanoke, Virginia). Roanoke is a beautiful town, known for the star that sits up on a gigantic hill! It's been there for years and years and years and years and years...



Sadly, we will not be visiting Roanoke. But I am just as content with visiting Fairfax! I love my uncles house, I know it's weird but since everyone there smokes I have grown to love the smokey scent that is carried throughout each and every inch of the house. They've got the most AMAZING basement too! It's theme is the "'50's". There is a bar down there and a ping pong table AND soda and snack machines that were used in the 1950's or 60's! There is also an Adams Family pinball machine. I have gotten so good at getting high scores on that. I can also practice playing pool. Fairfax is also only 45 minutes outside DC. We will also be visiting DC, I'm going to do CRAZY shopping, and visit the wax museum! I cannot wait. I'd also like to visit the Holocaust or the Smithsonian museums. As you all know, the Holocaust is a museum concentrating on the concentration camps, and World War II. Jewish artifacts! Hooray! And, I've always been so interested in reading and watching movies about the concentration camps and how awfully the Jews were treated. (Check out The Pianist or The boy in the Striped Pajamas)
And the Smithsonian is just one of the most remarkable museums around! I've been once to both museums, but was too young to remember any of it. However, never have I ever been to a WAX museum!
This will most definitely be a fun week, AND not to mention we will be seeing Cheap Trick live. haha! How random...

Enough fantasizing about this fun week ahead of me, I am doing anything I can to keep my mind off of the things that are getting me down. I don't feel as if it's appropriate to write down what those things might be because they are fairly new and who knows what kind of mean things I'd say and regret later. All I know is I'm making a new change for myself, and for that I am proud. I talked to Ian who I've been friends with longer than most people I know in Hilton Head last night as well, and he can be more than comforting.
Who knows, maybe now I am going to find what I'm looking for and generally be the happiest girl.

And with that- the rain stops.
It's amazing.
With that que, I will put on my shoes, and continue on with my day.
I've also got Minus the Bear STUUUUCK in my head, so I have to listen to them as soon as I get in the car.

Cheers! : )

Lack of colour

I have something to share with everyone. Yesterday I visited Beaufort and saw my adorable (redheaded) neice, Nevaeh! She just got a brand new bike so I filmed her using it for a few seconds.... then she starts to film ME looking like an idiot riding it, I have never felt more ...old. I can't fit on the damn thing. Oh well. It was a fun day, also spent with my lovely friends!





Then I come home today, to realize...
everyones an ASSHOLE!
and by everyone- I do in fact mean you. But you know this.
ugh. I hate twitter, and facebook. Just works me up.

"From my boat, I can see your house. And when the lights are on, I can watch you move"

Hi! I just wanted to let you guys know about a great band that I have been very into for years, Mew.
Mew has a very unique sound and I can never get sick of them, and they really have this creative side that I haven't even noticed much before!
In every song, there is some hidden message. They are almost impossible to figure out though.
My favorite Mew song has always been 156, but now it's Eight flew over, One was destroyed.
But, I will show you the music video that was made by Mew and finally I think I am starting to understand the little cartoon they put together. People are always trying to create some meaning behind this confusing music video, but I like to take bits and pieces and put a story together myself.



My blogspot might cut it off a bit, but if you are determined enough to view this than you will find a way I'm sure.
I'm not going to go into my description of what I think it's about, but I'd like to hear yours!
Mew is one of the top bands that I would love to see live- however, unfortunately they are from Europe. Meaning, they don't come here! Maybe they will, and I'll be a lucky lucky girl. Or maybe one day I'll be in Europe.... : )

hmmm. I doubt I'd be in Europe to see them perform, if I can barely make a plan for myself to go see a show only 4 or 5 hours away! Ugh. I am so useless sometimes, I swear.
But- I always have good intentions.

Anyways, please take some time and get to know Mew because they have many enticing songs and lyrics, oh not to mention the beautiful instruments they use! I just love foreign bands.
My favorite album they have is Frengers, and here are some recommended songs from that album. (actually, I'll probably list mostly ALL the songs on the album, but I'm putting them in the order that I like the best at least :] )
- Eight Flew Over, One was Destroyed
- Symmetry
- 156
- She Came home for Christmas
- SheSpider
- Snow Brigade
- Am I Wry? No
- Comforting sounds
- Her Voice is beyond her Years
- Behind the Drapes

Songs I like from other albums are:
- The zookeepers boy (From: And the Glass Handed Kites)
- Cartoons and Macrame Wounds (From: No More Stories..)
- Intermezzo 1 AND 2 (From: No More Stories..)

and I could go on, but... I'm sure you can find your own favorites, I gave you enough of mine!
In the mood for MORE foreign artists? Check out Sigur Ros, Bjork, FOTOS, Anathallo, Gobbledigook, ect.
I hope you all enjoy what you hear, and if you don't, then no worries.
And I hope you guys all have an amazing summer! So far, I've had some fun, but also it's been pretty stressful! Definitely not getting into that. Here is what I've been up to :











In a couple pictures you are probably wondering, what is up with the strawberries? Well, My friend Kristen and I decided to take a day to pick strawberries! We went to Dempsey Farms located in Beaufort, SC (Helena Island) for only 3.45 a bucket! And I'm talking about 20-30 extremely fresh picked strawberries juicy and sweet, and ready to eat. Thats a better deal than any supermarket can give you, I suggest that you start picking your OWN fruits and vegetables, it's a great hobby to get into for the summer. (and cheap!)

now, I am so tired and I am going to call it a night.

goodnight!

ass.

hm

Being John Malkovich.
....it's a pretty good movie.


blogging seems to be something I don't do anymore.
I have 8 unpublished blogs within the last 2 or 3 weeks, good ones, but unfinished.
I always think I'll finish them at some point, but always just say....fuck it! and I start on a new one.
then that new one, becomes a replica of my old one, unfinished and mediocre.

I'd post them all for the beauty of their imperfections, but I'm not because I'd say they were too personal.

I've been working extra at abercrombie lately, they are raping me with shifts.
I feel like someone else when I work there, someone who abides by the A&F dress code, one who will chat about Gossip Girl with the blonde bimbo 23 year old managers. One, who is not me at all. But... do I care? No. I have been making acceptable money, and this isn't a job I'll be keeping for years to come. For whatever job that might be, it will be me. Somehow.
Or, maybe I'll end up at a cubicle and hate my life. And get pissed when someone takes my stapler. Or moves me to another cubicle. Or doesn't give me any of the fucking cake.


I never thought I'd still be texting this person from the cruise. From Atlanta, and he is a jew.
But.... there is nothing wrong with that.
I have to wake up early tomorrow to spend the morning making one epic breakfast with my friends.

I am really starting to enjoy cooking.
I know I have made plenty cooking errors in my time, but, everyone makes mistakes.
and I've definitely fixed those errors, I am one determined girl to be the best cook she can be : )

That was gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Oh well! night you all, have the sweetest of dreams that your little heads can imagine.
xoxo

lovin's for fools

crazy how I feel, living without you
inside this house that we built
seems like the window's finally open letting the memories out
go on and love her
love her forever
I will not tell her I told you to
you'll never know dear, how much I love you.
lovin's for fools

maybe you'll find me walking in the garden
looking for something pure
roots that are growing deeper and deeper,
maybe you'll pull them too

well go on and leave here, leave here forever
no one can make you do what you do
you'll never know dear how much I love you
lovin's for fools, lovin's for fools.

Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

Yes.

420 is the most idiotic made up holiday there is.

Oh, sister.

Time is an ocean, but it ends at the shore.

So. I can't really explain how much fun I had this week, just because....I honestly can't ha.
I can still feel the motion of the boat when I'm just sitting here.
I didn't realize how many amazing people are out there, I met really wonderful people.
Also, I couldn't help but to not think about home at all while I was gone, I felt completely renewed.
I uploaded some pictures onto my facebook of the trip too, which are pretty swell in my opinion.

I don't even want to write anymore.
I miss everyone already, but I'm still euphoric.
Um... yeah. well,

That's all I am going to type out now.

If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart.

aw, i just came across one of these on facebook and i'm definitely in the survey-filling-out mood.
it's like the age of the myspace. i used to love when people would ask me to post a survey.

What's on your bed?
my bed always has so much random shit on it. like now.... a skirt, victorias secret catalog, towel, an Ipod cord, my phone, a half full water bottle, panties and a bra. it will all be knocked off my bed in, oh, 5 minutes.

You just drank 52 shots, what would you be doing?
I'd get the gold chariot, or float through the ceiling.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
i don't have anything against them, i just dont trust my mind and the decisions it makes. i know i wouldnt be happy with it at some point.

What did you eat for lunch today?
since i've only had the appetite for one meal a day, i guess you can call it lunch. but...mellow mushroom. oh, speaking of, they offered me a job there. thoughts?

Are you satisfied with your life, right now?
i'm young, of course.

Who was a better teacher, your math teacher this year or last year?
:( my computer is my math teacher. and the last math teacher i had was fat and black and hated the world.

Want something you can't have?
just anthony green, what a dreamboat!

Are you currently frustrated with anyone or anything?
i don't know these days.

Are you looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend?
no.

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
sometimes it would be nice to forget, because i forgive too fucking easily.

Do you know anyone who smokes weed?
oh golly no!

Are you talking to someone while doing this?
si!

Have you ever had a really big fight with your best friend?
hasn't everyone?

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
guilty.

Do you like anyone?
i lyke sum1.

Are you a jealous person?
i used to be miles away from being a jealous person.

Do you think age matters in relationships?
like most things, it depends.

Is any part of you sad at all?
mhm

Would you run down the street naked if you earned150$?
um...yea?

Are you drunk?
haha, no.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 10 days?
yes

Where will you be 2 hours from now?
either sleeping or remaining awake, theres no telling at this point.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
not at all!

Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today?
yep

Someone tells you, "you have a drug problem", you say?
lil ol me?

What was the first thing you did this morning?
put on some pants

Would you go out in public looking the way you do?
i'd probably get called a prostitute or get raped. especially if its on that road out just outside spanish wells.

Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail?
it's really long!

Do you get drunk every weekend?
no

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
yes

Did you start 2010 single?
eh

What color was the last towel you used?
purple

Did you enjoy your weekend?
it was highly enjoyable

What does your phone do when it receives a new text?
brand new serenades me, or it vibrates seductively.

Have any stalkers?
lawl..

Do you trip a lot?
yes, i stumble everywhere

If some one paid you $100 would you dance in the middle of times square?
who the fuck wouldn't? i'd dance BECAUSE i was in times square.

On average, how good do you think your life has been so far?
um, so-so. ups and downs. but good. yeah

Who's your last text from?
a lovely friend

And what did it say?
"Look at the moon!"

In the last 6 months can you say you cared about someone?
immensely

Why aren't you dating the last person you kissed?
i love how you automatically know we aren't dating

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
"Hey!"

Do you like to cuddle?
love love love!

Will you regret your next kiss?
since i can see the future and everything...?

Ever had a guy best friend?
yes

How is your last ex doing?
just fine i'm guessing

Who is the last person you promised something?
I can't think right now

Is anyone that you know celebrating their birthday today?
lets check facebook shall we?
austin willis greene is!

Are you a loud person?
i DEFINITELY can be one.

Honestly, if you could go back three months and change something would you?
na, whats the point

Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
i dont think there's a huge difference.

Are you ticklish?
only in places where i will never reveal

What's the relationship with you and the last person you talked on the phone with?
it was my dad. he was asking me why i wasn't home yet. and now, i'm home.

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
...female? i think?

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
not that i can recall. so no

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
always is a long time, so, there's no telling

Do you have any piercings?
2

Has anyone ever underestimated your intelligence?
all the time! : ( sad!

Would you ever marry the last person you talked on the phone with?
ew, what the fuck

Do you sleep on your stomach?
at various points during my slumber.

What do you hear?
george lopez and his nasty as fuck voice, just because sex and the city JUST ended.

Where is you mother?
she is in beaufort.

What are you doing this weekend?
leaving you all

Do you like Miley Cyrus?
no

Is the last person you kissed hot or cute?
crazy sexy

How many people do you trust with your life?
i dont know

Known anyone who killed themselves?
yeah.

waste it on

i'm home home home home home.
only for a week however, then off to the Caribbeans.
words can't express how excited i am for this, i've been counting down the days.
i'll meet so many new people (not like i'll stay in contact with anyone ha) and explore so many different places!
i never vacation to far places, it's just too overwhelming.

my sisters house this weekend was loads of fun as well.
except, i feel kind of bad for saying this, but when my mom & my niece paid a surprise visit to us on saturday, i was kind of bummed.
my sister always lets me drink wine with her and talk about things we wouldn't talk about around my mom, or the 5 year old.
and it turned into this g-rated stay instead of what i was planning on.
saturday night we all sat down to watch a movie and natalie and i had a couple great ones picked out when my mother chimed in "no girls, nevaeh can't watch that. how about....where the wild things are!"

oh. my. god.
no.
thankfully, i got us out of watching that one.
to me, where the wild things are is one of those movies where it's great and all when you see it, but not worth really seeing again.
it's weird because everyone was so gung ho on it. even after they saw it.

so, we ended up seeing the fucking blindside.
who fell asleep after 10 minutes?
melanie did.

i woke up to everyone sobbing, i kind of just rolled my eyes at them and turned around to continue sleeping, ha.

then, today my mom had us take stupid pictures through a cell phone. they turned out terrible, the quality sucked and i was wearing this stupid brown shirt/dress thing and it was so early!
but i uploaded a couple of them anyways just because i was smiling without my braces and everything.
i'm slowly starting to learn how to smile, it was so confusing at first. but it's getting easier.

as for outside of the getaway world,
everything is just stupid. really. fucking. stupid. aka, PEOPLE.
i can't wait to go to cofc.
graduation is only soon after everyone elses though, i hate how confusing my school system is!
it sucks, i just want to leave.
i also cant wait to really start studying psychology. and experience living without parents. it will be a fun time.


anyways, whatever, i don't need anyone.
because i'm going to have a kick ass time in one week.
and... i just don't care anymore!

now, i'm going to pay a visit to some pals.

goodbye

La la la.

Ah, the perks of being a....

hilton head citizen.




now off to enjoy this absolutely breathtaking day.

always,
mel

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry? I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

hm, i am sitting in front of my laptop blogging once again.

hello my darlings.
so to catch up-
my braces have at once been removed (although when i go to the dentist soon they are going to shape them up a lot and make them look real nice)
and i've reunited with a couple old friends.
one of which i could have sworn i'd never talk to again, but predictable me does not hold grudges for too long.
especially with people i've been friends with for so long.
however, it will never be like it was before.
this is how i can explain it in a corny analogy-
we've gone down completely different roads yet we are able to meet at various rest stops.

in other words- only time will tell.


today, in the middle of traffic i witnessed a boy stop his car just to pick a flower for his girlfriend.
it's not close to any personal experiences of mine, yet i've regained some faith in humanity.
even through any shitty days i may have, if i saw that again then i'd still be left smiling.

as of now, i've got a couple events i am looking forward to.
this weekend, and leaving the fucking country from april 3rd-10th.
oh, well the end of april i'll be seeing circa survive in atl.
i don't care who believes me, piss off!

i just purchased this for spring and all of the events it holds: click me!

yippee.

there is so much going on right now that i don't understand. i wish that the outcomes of them didn't leave me feeling like shit about myself.
no amount of meaningless compliments from facebook chat makes a helping dent.
even from exboyfriends from 7th grade that won't say a single thing if the intention wasn't to make me smile.

i overlook so much.
but i am a happy girl.


i need a new ringback tone. hm... lets see.
thought of one.

i set it!
goodbye old ringback tone.



well, cheers to the first time blogging in a long time.
i can't ponder my feelings right in my own head,
god forbid a blog.
who knows what i wrote is valid.


sincerely,
me

I hope writing you that peace offering letter wasn't the most stupid thing.
maybe- it was the smartest. maybe things can almost go back to normal.


tune in.

I bid you adieu.

hm, what happened to blogging. it was a 2 month fad.
well, for a majority of people, that is. i've been using this stupid thing for about two years.
a lot of blogs unread of course, and I have no problem with it.

recently the fads are (still) twitter, and now the contagious formspring, spreading like small pox. even though that's non-existent now. i think.
anyways, i have a formspring. i made it about three months ago but only knew two other people that had it and didn't want to post it around because i was a little uneasy about the concept of the website. now, i figured i'd really try it out. it just causes frustration, people get a high from posting pointless questions with a masked identity.
i've asked a couple dumb questions myself, but only to close friends that i always tell them about later. or a couple to that girl jean, which now i feel bad about. meh.

i haven't really been up to too much lately. i've been working my butt off with school work and running errands and going to work.
plus for the last few weeks, i've been at the gym almost daily. not to get built like those determined women...

ew. no. ha, but you know, just to stay healthy and fit. also, my diet has improved as well. but i'm not quite lame enough to get into detail about it.

well, i really thought i had a lot to blog about but i'm not thinking of words too proficiently.
the internet has taken too much out of me, i'm sick of it.
and talking to people on it.
it's confusing because i misjudge peoples emotions too easily, and it either makes me really happy, upset, or pissed.
if you talk to someone online, anyone, daily- conversations are not always going to be what you want them to be. emotions and emphasizing words or phrases are too difficult to be correctly conveyed.
which is why i'm so fucking sick of 'cyber-world' like facebook, msn, aim, even twitter sometimes.
it just gets to be annoying.
so. everyone. i'm proudly announcing that I am going to refrain from the internet (other than my studies) for the next few days. or, i'll try to at least ha.
so don't think about contacting me by putting slight pressure on the keys of your keyboard.
there's not much effort or thought involved.
you can come see me, or by using cell phones.
it don't maaaaatter.

well, to you twatting, facebooking, social-networking punks, ciao!

I will end this blog with this video. ha, first aaron posted it on my facebook saying it was me in 5 years (which i would hope i'd be less greasy looking, but i would totally perform a seductive yet classy number if i could.) and from there, i've grown to find it quite catchy.

ah, neat.





i want you most at your best.

HFOIGDSHGIODFHG!
frustration....station?


i love nice people.

boy you're just a stupid bitch, and girl you're just a no-good dick.

i felt, it's time for a blog.
even though i've got nothing too important to say, and less people read my blogs lately (well, except for a few friends, and some family) and... eh. it's overdue, i guess.
for starters, it was one of the fastest weekends ever. I mean, my god. Friday seemed like this morning.
and it's now Sunday. Well, technically 'monday' but, we're just going to say sunday.
Friday was definitely one of the most cutest days in a long time. Now and then, I wish I could replay it. Other times, it seems too surreal. Whatever it was, it was a happy-making day, so worry not.
My skin is bugging me. I hate the freckles on my arms, and the cold weather just doesn't make it feel good to touch, or look at. I feel that way at least. I'm always mostly happy with my skin in the summer, not because there's somewhat of a natural bronze tone, but it feels healthier.
Fortunately, it's slowly getting warmer. It was so beautiful today!
I spent most of it outside. I even played basketball..
That's because Bridget, Abby, and I were outside at Hampton Lakes trying to find things to do. It was really warm, but not quite warm enough for the pool. So, we laid out in our little sundresses by the pool and talked for a while. Then I turned my head and saw a cute little playground. Exploring is what we did. We played and played, and it was heaps of fun.
then next to the play ground was a tiny secluded basketball court, with a bin of basketballs and all these grills scattered around the court for grillouts and like 10 picnic tables. In our dresses, we played basketball. It looked ridiculous. I made lots of baskets, even one from half-court! (I don't know the basketball term for that.)
We played Horse and Around the World. Ha. and then laid on the court, in close perimeters, with the sun beating down on our legs.

Wow, did I really just type out my whole day at Hampton Lakes? Who the hell would even want to read that? Oh man.

my mind feels like an absolute minefield. i don't even know where to start. even if i did, it's too personal to blog about. i don't like it though, it's too much to even think. there is too much going around in there, it's driving me crazy.

ay yi yi.
on that note- sleep i go.
it feels like someone left a fiery torch down my throat that i can't retrieve.

blood bank

i am so late with good bands.
it's always bands or artists that i know i would like if i got into them, just because other people like the same band but i'll be to stubborn to listen to it if it's because someone else told me to.
and then months later, i end up listening to it for myself and then i really enjoy it, and then i'm just...really late.
ha.
that made no sense, oh well.
right now i'm listening to lots of 'The Tallest Man on Earth' my favorite track being 'where do my bluebirds fly'


this is going to be a busy week.
it's a good thing though. getting things done, can be really good karma.

i still really want to go see circa survive. and i am, i found someone to accompany me. it's kind of far, but i really really want to go. davis is going as well.

so today in a parking lot, i saw a man bowling. his stance was kind of...eh. he had no ball or pins. but hey, at least he was having fun.

nothing is the same anymore, almost everything i can pinpoint is something different then it was even a year ago.
that including myself. i realized that i always complain about changes in my blogs, but i noticed i never said anything about myself changing. if it's for the good, or if it's for the bad, i can't tell.
i'm not satisfied though, with whatever it is. maybe it's who i hang out with, maybe it's things i do.
but i don't feel like my interests have changed at all. even if i go to parties, i never really have fun. and even if i'm in the car with my friends and they play music, i don't always like it, sometimes not at all. my music taste is really only the consistent thing in my life right now. although i go through 'instrumental', 'acoustic', or 'oldie' phases, it's still always the same.
nothing else i can honestly say is consistent.
even my college plans have changed a lot. the beginning of the school year, i wanted to go to SCAD for fashion. until i realized, i won't have much of a future in that. i think it hit me that i'm not good at constructing outfits when Erin and I were making dresses for davis's little hipster party made of duct tape. i thought mine looked neat, but then i looked at erins and got jealous.
hers was way better than mine was.
then again, she's one of those people that tends to be better at just about everything than i am.
but my dress, well, it actually sucked, and failed to fit over my ass.

so, after realizing my lack in fashion talent (just because i like to wear cute clothes, doesn't mean it's my career path) i noticed how interested in psychology i was. when i was little, i used to tell my parents how i wanted to be a psychologist one day. and i really did. in fact, i never wanted to stop being one. so i developed this plan to go to CofC to major in that. Mainly, because my favorite atmosphere is a city and that would be the best choice for an instate college being in a city which i largely admire. and, who knows, if i go there i can always transfer to somewhere else in another state. but that's not to be thought about now.

that is my plan as of now. but once again, since nothing is consistent, who knows. the one thing i do know, is i won't end up at a football obsessed school and go to tailgating parties and be around a bunch of tool-guys.
no. not my type. you can really tell a lot about a guy, just about what city or town they live in.
i cant wait to meet a whole sea of them.
the guys here just seem boring, and they seem dumb.
oh. and perverted. i don't know why guys think that is a turn on to girls.

well, this might be my last blog for a while. i have too much to do this week to bloooooooooooooog.

cheerio.


by the way-
this is beautiful.

I don't think valentines day can get anymore fucking lame right now.

I feel like I look like Alice in Wonderland right now.


amazing.

'My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
bring you back to the bar, get you out of the cold
a sober straight face gets you out of your clothes.
& they're scared, that we know all the crimes they'll commit
who they'll kiss before they get home.
I will lie awake & lie for fun and fake the way I hold you,
let you fall for every empty word I say.'

so go and riddle me over.

joy.

today was the longest of days.
i've been bitter, i've been tired, and all these terrible feelings.
and it wasn't until 3 or 4ish that I knew why.
this sucks.

because,
i even turned down movie night with bridget. i feel like a complete monster right now!
but, later davis and i went to la hacienda.
i realized that guy everyone talks about 'yates' was sitting two booths behind us.
davis knew who he was right away just because of his distinct voice. God! I had to hear this kid blabber about politics for an hour using really cheesy words with great annoyance.
and then i was trying to look over to see what he looked like, almost peeking behind my booth, and stumbled out like the idiot i am.
ha, it was quite humorous.

although this day has basically been, awful, my night was pretty good.
i got to video chat too, i have always loved that


at work, i saw a man who strangely resembled steve martin (i guess it's not hard to do if you have the right hair and nose), and i made a note to never tell someone they looked like steve martin again.

it's frustrating when people have tried to get with you in the past, then say awful things about you afterwards, and then get persistent about getting with you again.
it's not going to happen.
sorry.
i may be available but i am also very, very selective. too selective, i may add.
this may or may not be a problem. i'm not sure anymore.

it makes me a little sad when i see people slowly start to change. i favor people the most when they are different from everyone else and feel no need to conform to the lifestyles around them.
this is to no one in particular- it's honestly about a couple people i can name on the top of my head right now.

my most listened to song right now is riddle in londontown by state radio.
it's from their older album us against the crown, but i forgot how absolutely beautiful it is. i wish i could remember if they played it when i saw them live or not.
can't remember for the life of me.

i really really hope this is a good month. and march. and april.
i said in my last blog that it was going to be, but i honestly never really know.
i make all these plans, but will i do them?
i want to. i have to.
seeing as my dad will be out of the....country the majority of the month, it's a good possibility.

bah. it's 12:57. meaning it's a whole new day and i can leave yesterday behind me.
when i wake up, i can only hope the day is nothing but beautiful.

ouuuuuuuuuuuch!
pants just totally attacked the shit out of me, ha.
i thought we were just playing around and then she just went nuts.
:(


I love pants and all, but, my arm really hurts right now so I'm really close to just selling her or something, ha.


i've never been a huge 'superbowl' fan, so bridget & i attended some stupid little superbowl get together, and basically ate their chips & dip and left.
i turned on the puppy bowl on her tv and we concluded that was way better.
seemed as if everyone else smoked a 'super' bowl for the 'superbowl'!

I love how I'm putting quotient marks over superbowl.

meh, it's not such a great night and all i want is to watch sex & the city except that can't happen.
but.
Dinner with Davis tomorrow, yipee!




Cheers to an exciting next few months, aye?

circa survive in march?

oh, a girl can hope.

put on a pretty face, you'll always win.

here I am, it's 3 a.m. yet again.
of course, I'm able to sleep. I know I'm tired enough.
let's just say, if my body ran half as much as my mind did, i'd be in great shape.
I spend too much time worrying about things I can't control.
I should cut that out.

Minus the bears Into The Mirror is pretty good.
I love how late I am to everything.
but I don't see it as a race.

twitter is dumb. depending on who you have on your list, I guess.
people that say awful things and get way out of line for nothing at all,
they are either just completely over-dramatic or...
a little insecure. or both. either way, i'm not one to pick at them. I just need to really watch what I say on twitter.

I watched 'Guess who's coming to dinner' today, with Katharine Hepburn ha. So cute, I love old movies.

well, i wasn't even planning on writing a blog tonight. didn't want to. I just figured it would be a quick cure for my slight insomnia.
I sure hope it was.
I need to wake up early to shower and catch a movie with some friends at noon!

-always

i'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a boy


gonna start sleeping with a black light over my bed.

yeah, gonna do it.

cheerio mates.

"suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints, so my boyfriend has no clue of how much i've been touching you."

March 16th will be amazing, end of the brace-face era!
I'm so used to how I look now, I don't know how I'll get used to this.
But it will be new, and I can't be more excited.

Today was another Beaufort day, seeing as it was an appointment day.
I saw a couple friends & then an old acquaintance of mine, Lucas, took me to lunch.
Apparently he saw me driving or something & sent me a text. I didn't even have his number anymore so it was weird, I had no idea who it was at first.
But overall, it was alright. We talked about what has been going on in our lives, and sadly I saw how he's done nothing at all with his life except rot in a small shared smoked out apartment with his old high school drop out friends, playing Marble Blast Ultra on Xbox live daily, as well as the other x box games the boy species play. It's just so weird.
and the first thing he could say to me after all this time was, "wow. you've grown."
Other than all of that, it was enjoyable.

I am getting rather frustrated with my laptop these days. It keeps overheating, and I don't even do that much on it.
I just started playing tetris and after five minutes, it keeps freezing and making that loud sound computers make when it sounds like they are breathing really heavily, and they are so warm.
I wonder if Macs do this....

probably not. But I will not conform!
I'm trying to stay old school as long as possible, even though any sorts of laptops arent old school, technology is moving too rapidly. What will be after the Mac, Itouch, I....pad? What is next? IRobot? ...wait, that's a movie.
but seriously. When my sisters were my age, they talked to their friends more on the phone then on these stupid new things now. I won't even go into this, I'll rant forever. Nobody wants that haha.

um, i'm tired. adios!

weekend was nice.
things are weird.
tomorrow might make me smile.
people are dicks.
people are sweet.
i want sweet.
i don't understand sports radio shows.
i have hours of sleep to catch up on.
jean tweets too much.
i don't really know her.
i'm deleting people on twitter.
need a new book to read.
olafur arnalds is a beautiful composer.
the moon tonight swept me off my feet.
i realized my hate for the word delicious.
i'm getting sick of the word pants, wouldn't have called it right?
being brunette is lovely.
i'm so frustrated.
in all sorts of frustrating ways.
this is obnoxious.
maybe i forgot how to blog.
maybe..
i...


fuck

you must stick up for yourself, son. nevermind what anybody else done.

Wow, I definitely looked at my MSN profile just now, and found pictures literally from 6th and 7th grade.
Here is proof that I was blonde, and also proof that I was an AWFUL looking blonde. These are horrendous, I had so many awkward stages growing up. Oh well. Ha, I love how a few blogs back I posted a bunch of old pictures, who would have thought I would find even older ones?










but the worst one of all :




Haha, wow, heres to one of the most embarrassing blogs of my life.
There are so much more pictures too. But I'm not even going to go there.
Oh well. It was middle school, and, I don't feel as awkward.
Yet, I am pretty awkward.
This is entirely awkward to be honest. Why am I posting this

I also can't believe I'm watching Dead Man on Campus, haha I haven't seen this in so long.
wow.
Blast to the past!

meh.

godspeed you black emperor: two thumbs up.

what i've been into.

so, i've been listening to nothing but instrumentals this past week.
i've been enjoying them more recently for two reasons:
a) it's a chance to really take in every note played by every instrument, rather then trying to focus on the lyrics someone is singing. sometimes, the music just comes out more beautiful. it gives me this...insane, orgasmic rush. (sorry for using imagery.)
b) you can kind of be more creative with these songs. i always paint a picture to it, and tell some sort of story or think of situations heavy on my mind. it intensifies mostly everything i'm thinking of.

lately, it's been a lot of explosions in the sky and various broken social scene songs, along with other orchestra music I downloaded from many sources. I'm still looking for more, new things.
mmm, theres this one broken social scene song that absolutely stuns me. it's so unbelievably chilling and it's called : I slept with Bonhomme at the CBC.
I'm pretty sure Bonhomme is french for snowman, and I found out that CBC stands for 'Canadian Broadcasting Corporation"
so, I found that interesting. and Lacie, since you read this, this is the song I was talking about that i'm pretty sure i want to walk down the aisle to on my wedding day. especially during the part where the japanese sounding instruments come in. i posted a video of this song below if one of you has never heard it. It would be the most perfect wedding, hopefully I'm still as into the song by then as I am now.
I also especially love, love & mathematics, alive in 85 & Da da da da.

Explosions in the sky, my favorites are Yasmin the light, First breath after coma, Glittering blackness, Your hand in mine, The birth & Death of day, and Catastrophe and the cure. A lot of these come from "All of a sudden I miss everyone", "The earth is not a cold dead place" & "Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Live Forever"

So check some of those out while you're at it. The only difference is, explosions in the sky is ALL instrumentals, and Broken Social Scene isn't. these are just songs I really like, but all of their stuff to me is amazing.

This doesn't mean at all that I favor instrumentals over lyrical music. I like it all the same, it's just recently for some reason it has really been fantastic. I go through music phases, i'm sure a lot of you know that. I never stop liking something, i just listen to something else more than other things for a while. Like, around christmas I was listening to all oldies & classics. Which I love to death, but now, it seems to be instrumentals. and I think it's just lovely.

here is the video. please enjoy as I have. try even falling asleep to it, it creates a peaceful rest. oh, and either wait for or skip to 2:35 ish, that's the part that really draws me in.



By the way- this is lyrical but I just now introduced myself with Yeasayers new album "Odd blood", and I really like it! I don't know why I'm overdue on this, I really liked All Hour Cymbals. the first album sounded more...raw? I don't know, they definitely have different sounds to them but I love it!