Weirdest dream ever last night.
I was in a hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors about to have surgery done on me.
they kept sticking these needles in me to put me asleep.
I was supposed to get sleepy, but I never did. It had no effect on me.
They kept urging me to sleep, but I couldn't.
Thats where the title of this blog comes in.
They kept repeating it, just let the medicine work, you'll be a new person when you wake up I promise.
I never do remember falling asleep in that dream. But if I did, how would I dream being asleep? How can one dream about dreaming. and what would those dreams even BE.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
While you
are away, my heart comes undone.
slowly unravels in a ball of yarn-
the devil collects it with a grin.
you'll never return.
slowly unravels in a ball of yarn-
the devil collects it with a grin.
you'll never return.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I'm in love with the world, through the eyes of a boy
I've been having quite the amazing summer.
I've completely dropped people from my life, and added the ones who matter.
Like Gage, I'm finally able to admit that I am definitely over him this time. So over him, that I can put his name into one of my blogs for the first time ever.
You really know that someone is an asshole, when their friends apologize FOR them for being an asshole (without me even bringing him up to them first, too) and saying I deserve better. And not just one or two of their friends, either.
I do deserve better, and I know that now. Someone who doesn't just see me as a life failure and wants me to be happy and to do well.
I'm getting closer and closer to that.
All that I went through added up to the best of karma for me, as I see it. I have found so much happiness in everything around me. I have noticed that even my sleep has been much more peaceful.
Bridget and I kind of rekindled our friendship (again) last night. We have been very off and on lately, each of us change and grow apart, but then grow back together. It's completely weird. We really don't even have that much in common. But we can laugh for hours about pointless things which molds us mostly. I don't know if I'd consider us best friends again, because we have different ideas of fun sometimes but we are definitely friends.
I've also been watching a couple of episodes of Daria a day, as much as I can fit into my days lately that is.
I forgot how much I liked that show. Daria and her friend remind me of my sister Lacie and maybe that is why I like it so much. The way that they talk, or act so intelligent around the annoying popular kids and adults really makes me think about Lacie, actually haha.
And the fact that when SHE was a teenager and I was quite young, she'd always be watching it in the living room and I'd sit and watch it with her even though some of the stuff I didn't understand, it was nice to be watching something with her. She's amazing and I miss her a lot, I talked to her on the phone yesterday but not nearly as long as I wanted to. I was approaching the destination I was driving to as she called so we only had about 5 minutes, so I need to remember to call her back at some point today/tonight.
Cheerio mates, xoxo
I've completely dropped people from my life, and added the ones who matter.
Like Gage, I'm finally able to admit that I am definitely over him this time. So over him, that I can put his name into one of my blogs for the first time ever.
You really know that someone is an asshole, when their friends apologize FOR them for being an asshole (without me even bringing him up to them first, too) and saying I deserve better. And not just one or two of their friends, either.
I do deserve better, and I know that now. Someone who doesn't just see me as a life failure and wants me to be happy and to do well.
I'm getting closer and closer to that.
All that I went through added up to the best of karma for me, as I see it. I have found so much happiness in everything around me. I have noticed that even my sleep has been much more peaceful.
Bridget and I kind of rekindled our friendship (again) last night. We have been very off and on lately, each of us change and grow apart, but then grow back together. It's completely weird. We really don't even have that much in common. But we can laugh for hours about pointless things which molds us mostly. I don't know if I'd consider us best friends again, because we have different ideas of fun sometimes but we are definitely friends.
I've also been watching a couple of episodes of Daria a day, as much as I can fit into my days lately that is.
I forgot how much I liked that show. Daria and her friend remind me of my sister Lacie and maybe that is why I like it so much. The way that they talk, or act so intelligent around the annoying popular kids and adults really makes me think about Lacie, actually haha.
And the fact that when SHE was a teenager and I was quite young, she'd always be watching it in the living room and I'd sit and watch it with her even though some of the stuff I didn't understand, it was nice to be watching something with her. She's amazing and I miss her a lot, I talked to her on the phone yesterday but not nearly as long as I wanted to. I was approaching the destination I was driving to as she called so we only had about 5 minutes, so I need to remember to call her back at some point today/tonight.
Cheerio mates, xoxo
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
bulletproof... I wish I was
Update:
Hi. It's been a while. Not really, but it's been a while since I've wrote an in depth blog.
Usually when people ask me, what's new? I have either nothing at all to reply to them, or whatever I DO say, I absolutely bore them with a pathetic answer.
But now, things are new. Not much but enough to keep me satisfied.
First off, I started a new job! I quit the superficial abercrombie, there was nothing rewarding about it. I barely even shop there anymore, and I could get paid better by babysitting.
The new job isn't ideal, but I can get used to it. Yeah, working for my dad again. But why not? I have different tasks this time, i.e. being a receptionist. I'm doing way more important things for the business rather than just filing and scanning/faxing shit. I mean I still do that stuff, but I also have to deal with patients, learn the abbreviations for medications and medical issues to be able to copy them from their file to log it into their patient files on the new computer system we have. I felt stupid. I had to enter in medical history for this one older lady, and on one of her sheets it said 'LBP'. I didn't recognize it and I asked one of the nurses what it meant, and they just stared at me for a few seconds and said "....it's lower back pain." I was just like, okay, I'll try to remember that next time? ha, but I've actually learned a lot of abbreviations so far so that is good. I get paid 10 an hour and I'm wanted to work three days a week from 9-5. which is a good 8 hours, so 8 times 10 is 80 and 80 x 3 = 240, and we get paid every two weeks to 240 plus 240 is a whopping 480 dollars! but you also have to take out taxes and realize that I'll probably slack and not work my exact amount of hours. so, lets just cut that number in half shall we?
also! not to mention the amazing new people in my life.
that are there for different reasons : )
new people:
1- you are fun to think about and I like you a lot.
2- you're cute! fun kid you are, and I'm glad you can trust me enough already to tell me these crazy personal things. I am always here to listen.
3- I don't know if your ideas of us being friends are genuine but I should be able to know very shortly.
4- you are a sweetheart and I think you can really help me out.
5- you're nice and your name is very unique, and I think you should date abby. ha.
I need to stop being so nice and driving my friends miles and miles to where they need to go and not get anything in return. Once in a while of course I'm happy to do that for them, but sometimes it is too much for me.
Hi. It's been a while. Not really, but it's been a while since I've wrote an in depth blog.
Usually when people ask me, what's new? I have either nothing at all to reply to them, or whatever I DO say, I absolutely bore them with a pathetic answer.
But now, things are new. Not much but enough to keep me satisfied.
First off, I started a new job! I quit the superficial abercrombie, there was nothing rewarding about it. I barely even shop there anymore, and I could get paid better by babysitting.
The new job isn't ideal, but I can get used to it. Yeah, working for my dad again. But why not? I have different tasks this time, i.e. being a receptionist. I'm doing way more important things for the business rather than just filing and scanning/faxing shit. I mean I still do that stuff, but I also have to deal with patients, learn the abbreviations for medications and medical issues to be able to copy them from their file to log it into their patient files on the new computer system we have. I felt stupid. I had to enter in medical history for this one older lady, and on one of her sheets it said 'LBP'. I didn't recognize it and I asked one of the nurses what it meant, and they just stared at me for a few seconds and said "....it's lower back pain." I was just like, okay, I'll try to remember that next time? ha, but I've actually learned a lot of abbreviations so far so that is good. I get paid 10 an hour and I'm wanted to work three days a week from 9-5. which is a good 8 hours, so 8 times 10 is 80 and 80 x 3 = 240, and we get paid every two weeks to 240 plus 240 is a whopping 480 dollars! but you also have to take out taxes and realize that I'll probably slack and not work my exact amount of hours. so, lets just cut that number in half shall we?
also! not to mention the amazing new people in my life.
that are there for different reasons : )
new people:
1- you are fun to think about and I like you a lot.
2- you're cute! fun kid you are, and I'm glad you can trust me enough already to tell me these crazy personal things. I am always here to listen.
3- I don't know if your ideas of us being friends are genuine but I should be able to know very shortly.
4- you are a sweetheart and I think you can really help me out.
5- you're nice and your name is very unique, and I think you should date abby. ha.
I need to stop being so nice and driving my friends miles and miles to where they need to go and not get anything in return. Once in a while of course I'm happy to do that for them, but sometimes it is too much for me.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Just a waste of paint
This weekend has been fast and rapid.
I have been feeling more of the urge to escape, go go go.
But then, other times I don't want to go anywhere because my whole body is full with excitement.
I'm terribly up and down and rather confused.
Honestly, everything seems half and half.
It (seems) like half the people I care(d) for the most have been the largest disappointments, and don't have good intentions for me.
While the other half, completely surprise me and make me happy. What's sad is, the people who are being the greatest are the ones I never expected anything from. And the ones I held so much respect for, let me down.
It's only temporary, people do change. Have I? Sure. In little ways though, I still ultimately feel like myself. I have just been looking for ways lately to numb out all the negative and upsetting things in my life. All it's doing is backfiring though, which is scary.
I have always had a tendency of blacking out things I don't like and it always worked but for only a limited amount of time.
I've been doing that again, the upside is though that I've been convincing myself that I am so, so happy. Which is true and I believe that, but what happens when you feel like you're nearing your breaking point?
The question is, where what and who do you turn to?
Not an empty bottle, not untrusting characters. I've found the ones I've trusted. Certain friends that I may have pushed out of my life for dumb reasons, and captured them again. Each time I come back, I'm better. Each time they come back, they are better. For that, I cannot be happier that they are here.
And It's always nice getting to know people you didn't think you'd expect to get to know.
Because you don't really know where it'll take you. But, I'm more than willing to open myself up to possibilities.
I really wish I was going somewhere this summer, somewhere far. This would have been a better time to take that cruise.
God, would it be better.
No more wasting away, I'm almost 18! It seems so weird to me, I remember looking at that age as ...old. Like looking up to the 18 year olds and thinking, it will be forever until I can be that age and have that much freedom. And look as old as they do! But...I don't look older. Ha. In fact sometimes I think I look too young. But I've pulled off looking 18 & up before, so it can't be so bad.
This week will be a fun one.
Cheerio.
I have been feeling more of the urge to escape, go go go.
But then, other times I don't want to go anywhere because my whole body is full with excitement.
I'm terribly up and down and rather confused.
Honestly, everything seems half and half.
It (seems) like half the people I care(d) for the most have been the largest disappointments, and don't have good intentions for me.
While the other half, completely surprise me and make me happy. What's sad is, the people who are being the greatest are the ones I never expected anything from. And the ones I held so much respect for, let me down.
It's only temporary, people do change. Have I? Sure. In little ways though, I still ultimately feel like myself. I have just been looking for ways lately to numb out all the negative and upsetting things in my life. All it's doing is backfiring though, which is scary.
I have always had a tendency of blacking out things I don't like and it always worked but for only a limited amount of time.
I've been doing that again, the upside is though that I've been convincing myself that I am so, so happy. Which is true and I believe that, but what happens when you feel like you're nearing your breaking point?
The question is, where what and who do you turn to?
Not an empty bottle, not untrusting characters. I've found the ones I've trusted. Certain friends that I may have pushed out of my life for dumb reasons, and captured them again. Each time I come back, I'm better. Each time they come back, they are better. For that, I cannot be happier that they are here.
And It's always nice getting to know people you didn't think you'd expect to get to know.
Because you don't really know where it'll take you. But, I'm more than willing to open myself up to possibilities.
I really wish I was going somewhere this summer, somewhere far. This would have been a better time to take that cruise.
God, would it be better.
No more wasting away, I'm almost 18! It seems so weird to me, I remember looking at that age as ...old. Like looking up to the 18 year olds and thinking, it will be forever until I can be that age and have that much freedom. And look as old as they do! But...I don't look older. Ha. In fact sometimes I think I look too young. But I've pulled off looking 18 & up before, so it can't be so bad.
This week will be a fun one.
Cheerio.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Okay
first off. I'm fuckiiiiiiiing
HAPPY.
second..
New amazing video, seductive & funny.
You give me Bieber Fever.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Hooray, hooray- I'm your silver lining. : )
Cute cute cute.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go see Desiree's OPENING! Yay!
Have a good Wednesday, friends.
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