if you were headphones..



...where would you be?
i need you, to make this plane ride for me somewhat sane.
so please come out of your hiding spot, love of mine.

:(

text me while i'm in new york?
yes?

frustration.

1. if i could hire someone to kill you i would. you are the definition of a homewrecker. you fucked up everything with my family. your new plan now is take her and turn her into a piece of shit just like you. then leave her with nothing. you go on acting like you love her after you cheated on her, saying you have changed and make her think that you are more in love with her than ever before, when you were caught recently hitting on girls way younger than you at starbucks. you are a lie, you are fake, you are nothing. once a cheater always a cheater, you were like this in college and you are still like it now. thanks for messing up my family you cockroach nigger.

god you are all the fucking same.

2. I want to write a song, but whats the point. it's not like i'd be able to play it or have a melody behind it.

3. being hit on by 8 & 5 year olds at hot tubs aren't so flattering. and when their brothers from some college in Athens come up to sit by us and offer us beer and a chance to get to know us better...
is just creepy.

'where the sunshine slows, always keep me close.'

stay with me, you're the one that I need.
you make the hardest things seem easy
keep my heart, somewhere drugs don't go
where the sunshine slows, always keep me close
If only you could see, the stranger next to me.
you promise, you promise that you're done. but I can't tell you from the drugs.
don't let go. we'll dig a great big hole. down an endless hole, we'll both go.
"you're so blind!
you can't save me this time, hope comes from inside.
and I feel so low tonight"
I wish that you could see this face in front of me
you're sorry, you swear it: you're done.
but I can't tell you from the drugs

this is way beyond my remote concern of being condescending

would you know I like to sing?
would you know I have trouble telling time?
would you know I overdosed on honey when I was 6?
would you know how badly I want to visit somewhere new?
would you realize I'm not as happy and positive as I come out to be?
would you know I have an obsession with sex & the city?
would you know I have terrible edicate when going out to eat?
would you know I either talk too much or not enough?
would you know I like to put soy sauce on everything?
would you be able to tell when I'm feeling uncomfortable?
would you know the things that make me tick, and the things that make me melt?
would you know I love sleepy-time tea?
would you know I'm naturally dirty blonde?
would you be able to name any of my secrets?
would you know science has always been my worst subject?
would you know the only types of books that I read?
would you know the magazine I read every month?
would you be able to know when I'm lying, even if it's about something small?
would you know that I always have a messy room?
would you know my favorite band, my favorite movie?
would you know I hate throwing up?
would you know I am a terrible driver but pretend like I'm the best?
would any of this bother you?

pour us a road, we'll both drink & drive.

I spent the night at bridgets last night (:
I had the most amazing day yet. I woke up, & it was TUESDAY which I love (no homeschool-day.)
& I woke up to a cute little 'good morning sunshine' kind of text from Paul-Michael :D
[I'm a complete sucker for those texts.]
and then, I put on my cute dark green & white striped bathing suit. I headed over to Desiree's house around...11:30ish. We had it planned to go over to her pool to tan & maybe swim but her pool was closed for the season :/ So we were like, hmm, which neighborhood pools can we crash that may be open? We couldn't really think of any so decided to just go over to the Tiki Hut.
It was really warm outside there, but extremely windy which made it a little cold..
we found 2 great chairs to lay in by the pool, in perfect positioning of the sun.
I think we layed out for a good 2 hours and a half. I also think I got sun poisoning, because I broke out in this weird allergic reaction above my boobs, in the middle of my chest and it started itching really bad. and then I got really dehydrated. So then we went to Stu's (Dez's first time there!) & we got yummy sandwiches and headed back. We stopped by to see Van at Old Navy for a few minutes, and it was wonderful seeing him. Then I had to go to my dad's office so I could get some gas money, but when I went inside, by then I was really dehydrated and like, passed out. It was bad, I've been in the sun too much. Better than doing it the artificial way and looking

...orange.




ANYWAYS.
then I went to bridgets & then Target, and I got a strapless green bathing suit which is splendid.
OH! and when we got home, we made her sister a really huge ass birthday dinner. We made chicken & shrimp fettucini alfredo, with a side of grilled veggies.
I made the chicken and shrimp. She boiled noodles & grilled the vegetables, and we both worked on the sauce.
I marinated the chicken in a dash of honey mustard and soy sauce with a touch of teriyaki.
and soy sauce & a little teriyaki for the shrimp. All together, it was perfection.
See, I can cook ;)
Now I'm home & it's 8:43 and I am exhausted. My teachers not coming until 10 so I guess I can sleep for another hour.
bye, blog that I haven't really spent much time in anymore!

hmm

I'm taking a risk on you.
Don't let me down.

..Maybe you're the right kind of nice that I need.

I will possess your heart.

oh how so much has been going on.
busy busy busy..

lets see.
i spent the night with bridget last night.
we went to outback that night, and met up with Gianna and then later Charlie & Julie.
& almost Jake Littletons, but decided not.
I finally got to see my LOVE, mister Sean Kernan. We met up with him & drove around and then eventually took him home.
The next morning, Bridget and I did ab work outs and went on a walk, got toned for our new hot beach bodies that are slowly forming ;)
after that, we met up with Gianna again, and drove around in her cute little BMW & went to the beach. It was so nice outside, yet it could have been much hotter. I wore my cute dark green & white bathing suit, which my boobs were like HUGE in. haha.
We went to the tiki hut & met up with some guys and tanned. It was a huge group, and we got little daiquiris and stuff!
Then we went to Sonic & home. I came home & took a shower, when Haley came by. We met up with people, went to dinner, and then to a little 'get-together' some friends were having :)
It was insane. Yet worth-while, I had fun. It was great seeing Derek again <3 & we took really cute pictures! haha, then I met Stephen Padgett and his friend Musso? Idk..
They were really nice as well. It was so much fun!
Haley is spending the night tonight and then I guess we are going to Battle of the Bands tomorrow.
Woo..

Agh, but things are just weeeeird. I wanted to go to 'square one' again, but certain thoughts wont leave my head, and uncomfortable things I think about just make it awkward. And to be honest, really it just disgusts me that you are going back on your word of being with her again, it's just...ew. So because of that it's hard to just put that out of my mind and be completely okay with you again.

fml.
[cliche cliche]
but fmylife.com is hilarious.

also, the new PostSecret!
This is my favorite, because I feel it fits me most ;p tehe!

we're falling but holding, i don't wanna take up anymore of your time.

I want to write so much, I have so much to write.
But I can't because it will be read.

I'm making a new blogspot, where only I know it and nobody else, so I can write whatever I want :)
It's going to be me pouring everything out that I was never able to even tell myself.
Basically, this new blogspot I'm going to have is me telling myself the harsh truth that I'm not able to hear from other people.
I can talk about whoever I want, HOW-ever I want because no one will be reading it.
This is going to be great.

...Tomorrow is going to be REALLY weird, and random.
hahaha, I'll talk about that in my other blog.

but none of this stuff will be bitchy or 'The Hills' like.
and most of its going to be about me anyways.
I'll still use this blogspot a lot though.

this is stupid.

idiot, idiot, idiot.

So upset.

My parents really get to me sometimes.
My dad is fucking bipolar, one day he will say that what i want to do is fine. then the next, he decides to be a dick and say, no! i change my mind, because now i don't trust you that late at night in a different state.
when really, nothing bad would have happened. i'm old enough to take care of myself, i'm not 13 or 14 years old anymore. i'm going to be 17 super soon, and then not long after i'll be on my own.
tonight, he told me "oh well, i just found out i'm going out of town so i'll let you buy your tickets as soon as i know your mother can take you."
so as soon as she picks up he is like "MELANIE WANTS TO GO TO A CONCERT AND NO GIRLS WILL BE THERE AND IT'S GOING TO BE LATE AND I DONT LIKE THIS. oh yeah could she stay with you that weekend?"
So of course my mother freaks out and says no, and my dad starts randomly YELLING at me saying, NO SEE I KNEW THIS WASNT A GOOD IDEA, FORGET IT.
so, i say, why would you even begin to listen to parental advice from her when she abandoned me all the time when i was really little for some sketch black guy that is a child molester and basically cheats any chance he gets. you abandon me for that, when i really couldnt have taken care of myself then. i havent talked to her in weeks, she lied to me about getting back with him again, and now she tries to act like she has all this say in my life?
this may be harsh, but fuck you mom. you are the reason i don't go to public school right now due to deeper reasons.
you are the reason, that i don't get along with you now.
you are the reason, that i don't fall for the good guys.
you are the reason, that i could never go home after school in junior high because you had more important things to do with him,
you are the reason, that i was always afraid of going home
you are the reason, i never felt like i even HAD a home then,
and now you are the reason, that i can't go to HoH.
good job, you really are some mother.
This is the one thing that I have been looking foward to for a while, and I can't even go anymore because of you guys.
everything is ruined now.
thanks.
now back to the rest of what will now be one of the shittiest weeks yet.

I will go in this way, & find my own way out. I won't ask you to stay, but I'm coming to much more

First I'll start off with how CUTE this!

Haha, STUPID thing around it's neck. Like, What. Why? hahaha. brat.


My dad has been really sick since Sunday.
I'm a little worried, I woke up to the dog un-walked, and him not here and his bed is unmade.
If you know Gus, he always makes his bed before he goes anywhere. No answer on his cell, and I don't think he's at work.
The only thing I can guess is he went to the emergency room, this morning or last night and I must have slept through it. It's scary though, I hope he's okay. I don't know what I'd do if something terrible happened, I mean he just had a stroke.

Nevermind, he called. He just went to do rounds at the nursing home, guess he's feeling better.
Even though he is fine, and still here, I still feel like I lost someone else.
It sucks a lot, to know that it will never be the same again. Even though we have the future, I've never been one to rely on the future.
At least we are back to the way we started in the first place. Friendly! :D
There will still be missed memories, but everything will be fine.

Catie, and I are going to the gym after school in Bluffton, I'm pretty sure. Well she has to wait until she gets out of her therapist appointment, which ends at 5 then we can go.

I'm sleepy and I think I'm going to go back to bed.
I wish.
My teachers here, meaning I have school work to do. Yippeeeeeeee...
Such a bad time for me to put in any concentration.
Too many things on my mind.
Including somebody new :]

I also have been wondering something. It might sound really stupid, but I wonder if people from Africa or other foreign countries have cell phones.
& if they do, I wonder if they have the same carriers like, Sprint, or Verizon.

There'll be a golden ladder reaching down, when the man comes around

it's sunday, and it's raining intensely.
my sister is in the shower, so i decided i'd take this time to blog.
last night was fun, we went to the movies and around town and charleston is very nice.
but around 12 everything seemed to collapse, my family, and my grandmother might have cancer, a couple friends back home might have gotten arrested..
it's so odd!

it also seems, when i go somewhere even for only a couple of days, all these crazy things happen.
i got online for like, 3 minutes last night and 3843058 people FB IM'd me telling me about what dramatic events occurred while i was gone.
it was sort of overwhelming, but i was also glad to put in my words to them, and help them out with other issues.

now, all i'm asking is for everyone to be straight up with me about...everything. i don't have time to play games, nor do i want to.
i'm sick of people tip-toeing around me to protect my feelings, don't worry about them.
just...tell me what's up.

garrett burke got a twitter, YES!