OKAY!.

lets talk about space ships or anything 'cept you and me okay?
lets talk about space ships or anything 'cept you and me okay?
okay.

don't look now but theres a spider crawling on the wall behind you
i should have paid attention in algebra

your mouth is open wide, the lover is inside.

okay..
well i haven't blogged in a while.
honestly nothing is really different, nothing has really changed.
my birthday was fun. i'm sixteen, but i don't feel different.
the party consisted of going putt-putting, haha.
everyone came back to my dads house for a pool party thing.
then garrett and gage left and it was me, desiree, bridget, anna, and terry. i had to take terry home before he could eat pizza & cake with us. lame.
but overall it was a fun birthday.
other than that, i'm taking each day at a time. i'm not making any plans for anything.
for the rest of the summer i just want to go with the flow, and do things in the moment. no planning ahead. actually, that was a great conversation me and bridget had today. its like, these are the years to be completely free, not be obsessed over planning out your childhood, or being work-obsessed. i guess you should be school obsessed, but that's something that i'll never be. when we're adults we dont have an excuse to be carefree. theres going to be that bill we need to pay, taking care of our familys, & not being taken care of so contently and precise as we are now. the future really does freak me out. motion city soundtrack speaks the honest fucking truth. every year that goes by just scares me more and more. it seems like yesterday, i was counting down the minutes til i turned 10 years old. i remember, counting down the last 10 minutes haha. it seems like yesterday, because thinking "yay, i'm going to be a two digit number" that was six years ago. it felt like 6 days ago. im going to be 22 6 years from now, saying "i remember turning 16 like yesterday." isnt that weird? well if today is yesterday then i'm not ready for tomorrow to come yet.
if you could make sense of that, then thank you. because explaining it just seems like too much work at this point.
well. to all of you reading, i hope i know you tomorrow.

i'll talk about anything

i'll talk about anything
blankets or bays
to hear you speak the words you say
out of curiosity is it over now?
for once this time its been listed still.
its all for the pleasure of that one little pill
but to hear you get deep
in a conversation so mild
its the one i wait for only once in a while

ill talk about anything
about cameras or the waves
its all about us this time thats safe to say
not the flash from the light or the candid shots
but after today its in the roots that rot
i've got a million years to spare but whats it all for
to hear your thoughts come out' a little more
its the one i speak of
that time of day
to hear everything we've wanted to say

ill talk about anything
the rug on your floor
its just a little more expensive then what we bargained for
i've got it in a jar but marked shut for cause
its after this we wont know at all
but i've got this secret
you've been dying to know
i dont know what it is yet
after that i'll go but while i'm waiting i just want say
i'll talk about anything
its better that way

But all I ever really wanted was a little peice of you.

My birthday is in 4 days :)
I'm pretty excited because its my sweet 16. It seems like everyone's leaving town or something though :(
but it's okay, i'm sure it will be a great birthday.
So tonight I went out to eat with my dad @ outback. & i realized how different it was from when I was a little girl. I never tried to see if I knew anyone around me, or anything like that. That was never a care in my mind. Things are just really different now. & also, I'm really considering moving in with my dad, because I kind of want to live in Hilton Head. It seems like all that I do in Beaufort now is stay at home & work. My friends there are always busy now or can never do anything. I dont know why, I just felt like more people cared enough to hang out with me here.
& i'm not the person to just sit at home, I love being out and with people. I love meeting new people especially. its just always so exciting when i come to hilton head, it actually feels like people care about me. The beginning of summer, i was in beaufort most of the time, and i was really close to my friends and we'd do things every day. but like the last week i haven't heard from them. i guess that can be a lot of different things though, all i know is im tired of everything there and i just kind of want to get out i guess.
& this is going to sound utterly and completely selfish and i swear i've never said anything like this before, but i really can't wait until things go my way for once. how i want them. not hearing people say "dont get your hopes up". because i do and i get hurt, no matter what the situation is.
hopefully tomorrow will be an amazing day, who knowwwws!
maybe i'll find something amazing to do.
i don't feel good so i think i'm gonna go.
okayyyyy byeeeee!

Now that you're leaving, I love you like never before

Ughhhhhhhhhhh.
Days are going by so fast & I feel like I'm going NOWHERE.
At times I'll just be super happy, like nothing can get me down.
& others I just feel really really low about myself. I just never feel good enough for people, and even sometimes myself. I don't understand, because even though people may not believe it, I DO want to make people happy all the time. Its like they don't notice and I'm wasting my time.
And as stupid as this sounds, I've been noticing other people a lot lately. Like I'll be super jealous of someone. & not just the way they look or something, but of what they have. No, not money or other pointless things like that. I mean that they have people that they are in true love with, that love them back. & they are so young, but SO happy. Every kid I know is suddenly falling in love, but I just havent really gotten the memo to find someone for myself. Or when I really start to like someone somthing just has to mess it up and then its...over. & it makes me so upset and I get the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. I honestly just dont feel good enough for anything or anyone anymore. & I know that sounds stupid and emo but it's true and I don't like admitting it. It's come down to where I just don't know what to do. And I'm not writing this to be like 'ohhhh i want LOVE that's all!'. Because I understand I'm just 15, [16 in 9 days!] and I know I have so much time. But I just don't like feeling like....this. I have no idea what 'this' is, but its a really weird and unsatisfying feeling. When my friends or anyone come to me with any problem at all, I listen and I always know exactly what to say to make them feel better and help the situation, but with myself I have no IDEA what to do. I can not give advice to myself, I just cant.
Hopefully I'll get through whatever I'm talking about. Because I really don't know what I'm talking about or how to explain what I'm feeling because its intense and I can't come up with the words so this blog probably sounds so stupid.
I just, do not like this feeling.
That is all.
Okaybye.

I'm a sucker for a kind word.

Okay. I am really getting SICK of people.
Fuck all my next door neighbors, all they do is start drama. The most immature kids I know.
They are so fake, and like, talk shit about me and my friends when I don't even have anything to do with them. Because all they are now are fucking losers to me. Seriously, they are sad with their own lives so all they do is talk about people to make themselves feel good.
So don't act like you like certain people, even act like your 'best friends' with them, then say awful things. I'd rather see you show me how much you don't like me JUST so I can show you how much I don't like you either :).
It wouldn't even be a big deal if I didn't live next to these low life idiots.
& to be honest I just really hope they are reading this.
All I have to say to them is, grow up and get a life. Make yourself happy so you can show people how you truly are. Otherwise, just be best friends with yourself. That way when your the only person you know, and talk shit about you TO yourself, maybe you can see how ridiculous it is.
Try it! You totally should.
& when you fall asleep at night holding on to your pillow, feeling so satisfied, just know. That your really just alone.
Until you grow up thats all you will really ever be. Your older now, you dont have an excuse to do immature things, you just seem retarded.
Well, I could say so much more about this but to be honest, I dont give a shit about you guys.


On a lighter note:
Tomorrow should be a lot of fun.
Im going swimming with Kristen tomorrow, & who knows what else ;)

kbye!

& he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends.

Hahaha, I just listened to Heidi Montag's song 'Higher'. SO CHEESY! and the music video is ten times worse, lmao.

ANYWAYS. My 4th of July was amazing. The first part sucked, when I had to work though. I sold like $86 worth of ice cream, when I usually only sell like 10 dollars worth of it.
Then I head over to Abby's house. Her boyfriend Mark was there and he picked up Julia and they were just waiting for me. Since Abby was sick, I took Julia over to the sands too meet up with a bunch of people to watch the COOLEST fireworks ever. We kinda came at the end so that was...lame. Then it was a bitch getting out because there were so many cars & people so Julia & I rolled down all the windows and blared GANGSTA jams, and all the old people stared at us hahaha. We drove over to Gregs house and met up with Kristen and Jake and them. We did a bunch of things after that then I went back to Abby's and made her a BATH WITH CANDLES! It was romantic, except I didnt like get in it or anything because that would be awkward and lesbian.

Uh. So yeah. I guess now Bridget & her mom might come to Beaufort and eat at plums because I WORK THERE. But I'd go with them and stuff. I mean, that should be pretty fun.
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 13 DAYS GUYS! I am so excited...
I wonder what I'm going to do for it since I suck at planning out things, really. I'd like to have a pool party or something though. Who knows, maybe I'll just go out to dinner or something. But it's my sweet 16 so I wanna do something really fun, and cool you know?
I don't know whats so sweet about turning 16 though, its just a random age. Its like saying a sweet 82 or something. I guess it means you can start working because places hire kids at 16? I do not know. I guess I'm just bored and talking about stupid things like I always do.
You know what is actually really fun? Going on youtube and watching videos about whats going on with the celebrities these days. Especially the ones Perez Hilton is in haha. He knows everything!

And he has my last name.
Im out,
HOLLA!

I can be so much more than this.

Okay so despite my last depressing blog, today turned out to be pretty good.
all you really do need are your friends. seriously, catie and bridget were here for me all day.
it made them happy just to see me happy. thats so amazing to me.
we went to the beach and stuff and i had so much fun just being with them.
we have so much fun and can laugh about anything.
then bridget and i went out to dinner with my dad and his friends at this japanese restaurant and that was SO funny. his friends were so young and he was drunk.
i LOVE my dad, haha he is a trip.
anyways bridget is getting out of the shower and im going to see if we are really going to pull of this whole 'all nighter' thing.
its already 4:15!
pretty good i think.
mmk, i'll be updating and whatnot.
<3 ME!

MEH,

its been like an hour?
AND ITS STILL A BAD DAY.

Maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Today.
is a bad day.
I don't even feel like talking to anyone, and thats so opposite from me, I LOVE talking.
Especially to people.
Not that I talk to myself...ever.
You know what else is SUPER weird? I don't even feel like EATTING. Which is the absolutely complete opposite of me.
Urgh!
& theres a bunch of creepy construction men out of my window.
My dad ordered a new hot tub to put in our patio by the pool, and they have been here for hours.
Just looking sketchy.
I want taco bell though, I'm not really un-hungry anymore. I knew that wouldn't last long, haha.
But, its still a bad day and I really don't feel like writing right now. So tonight I'll sum up the whole day and we will SEE if it gets better.

The kindness of strangers.

Mmmmk.
So tonight was the concert. It was amaaazing.
YMC & LITM did amazing. Ian basically rocks at singing, Garrett is the best drummer EVER, and Gage and Tyler are badass at bass and guitar. It was a lot of fun. I went with Catie and Kara.
There were a lot of awkward moments though, as well. I am definitely not getting into that haha.

Today was a ton of fun overall though. I woke up & got a text from Caroline K. asking me what time we should go to the beach. We met up for lunch before hand at Fuji's. The most AMAZING japanese restaurant in Beaufort. I got chicken & fried rice and vegetables. Of course, I got extra shrimp sauce. Oh yeah, we were there with Chandler too.
Then we went to the beach and were there for about like 3 hours. That was fun, spent a lot of it just talking about everything. Literally everything! So I went to Abby's house after that and got half-ready for the concert there. Then I went home and got MORE ready and went to Hilton Head. Met up with Catie, and so on. I explained the concert already. If you didn't go, you missed out.
Other than THAT. I'm really confused about a lot of things...
I don't know what to do in some situations and it is really starting to bug me.
Sometimes I get jealous of how easy my friends have it with this certain area.

NEVERMIND! This is dumb, I'm going to bed.
No one reads these anyways.
But I like writing.
It's kind of relaxing.


Sincerely,
Me(:

I change my mind so much I can't even trust it.

Soooooo.
this summer has been pretty funfilling. I've been in Beaufort this week, haven't really been to hilton head once this week.
I've been hanging out with Abby, & basically? The only thing we do it spend money at places to eat food. But its cool with me, i like food.
Oh and tomorrow, well I guess today, I'm going to Shoreline Ballroom to see YMC & LITM perform, AND it's going to be AWESOME!
you guys all need to come and show some support.
I'm so excited to finally see these boys play, because i really never have.
I dont know what to blog about right now to tell you the truth, I just figured I should because I haven't written in here in days. I'm not that interesting..
Well I take that back. I can totally be interesting! It just has to be the right momento. Chicka-yeah!

So Julia comes home from Ireland on THURSDAY. Who is stoked about that? ME! That's who. Abby & I are going to decorate her room, or staircase or something sweet like that.
She called us & told us that she is so excited to be coming home because she was there for a month.
No matter where you are somehow you always just want to go home even if you think you hate it soooo much. Thats why you should never, ever, move to your favorite place in the world. Save that place for your vacation spot. Cause I learned that anywhere you live you will get sick of it, eventually. Like even kids in California get bored of where they live.
I'm rambling.
I always do that though.


hmmmmmmmmmm.
well. I guess I'll let you stop reading my boring.....blog.
so. bye.