what a long long night. it's 3:30 and i think i'm about to go to sleep. i could have fallen asleep an hour or two ago easily, but have you ever put off sleeping because you were afraid of what you'd dream about? I remember that was my favorite part is knowing what would grace my dreams. Now I am afraid to know. I kind of wish I still had my lame collection of my failed dream catchers, ha. when i was little, i was so blown away by them and how beautiful they were and i put so much faith in them for years to cure me of my night terrors. some nights I had great dreams, and honestly thought they were working their magic. But as I grew older I started to realize that it was all coincidence. They never actually saved me from my bad dreams, it was just a nice hobby to have faith in for a while until it grew old. Realizing this is how i am. I put so much faith into something and I push it until I just can't push it anymore, what seems do be a narrow never-ending spiral. Truthfully, everything I can think of that I had that experience with (object, or even human) always ends up letting me down and eventually I have nothing else to give. i recognize the feeling I had all those times of never going back to something and starting something new. and this time, I mean it. Unlike every other time I have felt remotely like this, for once nothing in me is saying i want to go back to it. not even the littlest bit like how it usually is with me. I find comfort in knowing this, I have so much youth but I always think of myself with little to no more time to do things right. I have to take advantage of the fact that I am young and more attractive then I will be years and years down the road, and I have so much to learn but me being the stubborn person I am hardly allows myself to learn anything at all.
It's really nice to be able to blog about one certain feeling rather than what has happened in my day hardly knowing what to say.
I finally have a muse for this one specific blog entry.
and now that it's out of my system, I won't need the same muse for another blog entry again.
Instead I will say, my thanksgiving was interesting to say the least. Most of it was spent in Beaufort because there wasn't much to do in Hilton Head anyways, and I had so many friends that wanted to see me there so it would have been a good opportunity to do so. My family is undoubtedly crazy to the core. No one is normal, except maybe Natalie. Here we have this little house and we're trying to be as festive as possible while I'm with my cute five year old niece playing Polly Pockets with her while her dad does coke in the bathroom. Nonetheless, the feast went rather well. Everyone got along just fine and I even learned how to make a pie! I always say, every woman needs to know how to make a decent pie. I feel like I am finally a woman now, ha.
I am going over to Dereks tomorrow, to watch a movie.
He wanted me to come over to see American Beauty with him.
I haven't seen it before but I remember exactly what it's about because I remember my dad watching it when I was really little but I didn't care to pay attention.
It's going to be weird going over there because everything is going to seem so different now.
I can't really explain it, it's weird.
I said weird a lot.
Now I'll just post random pictures from my moms house to wrap up this joyous blog and stop stalling myself from sleeping.
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