hearts & karma

I was so excited for today that I could barely sleep last night.
I wake up and get ready to get my hair done at 11:30.
i call my father and ask him where he is, and he's like, uhhhh. sorry i had to go do rounds at the nursing home, i'll call Paul and see if he can take you. (his office manager)
turns out he cant either, so the appointment was canceled and moved to 1:45.
so my dad comes home and drops me off at the hair salon.
I was very pleased with the hair dressers work.
I wait outside, it starts pouring.
I call him for the 43543578th time, and finally he answers.
he takes about 20 minutes to show up, because he forgot to pick me up.
we were supposed to look at the car lot afterwards, but his girlfriend is now almost at the house and he tells me to wait another day. I didn't make a big deal out of this, I just told him I was disappointed because he told me from the start of the week that this was the day we'd go. (by the way, i'm not spoiled. he's making me make the payments on the car and i'm fine with that. just need a way to get around!)
he then starts complaining and complaining about my 'flaws' in the car and makes me feel like shit. he said i don't know what responsibility is. the truth is, i really do. before i moved here i had tons of responsibility, and even here. i do a lot of things and chores around the house because he doesn't get home until clearly midnight. he tells me, that i'm spoiled and ungrateful. which i also don't think is quite true when he doesnt really hand that much to me, i have to steal one of his 8 ipods because he won't let me borrow one of his. and half the time when friends and i go out to eat, someone has to pay for me. he labels me all these horrible things all in 10 minutes when he has no right to because he doesn't even know me. nonetheless, try to know me.
I told him all I wanted was for him to show me more affection, and instead of yelling at me all the time. all he did was suck his teeth and roll his eyes and mock me.
he starts asking, why are you so depressed and difficult, i can't handle this anymore. you tick me off. you havent been taking your medicine have you?
i say, no.
why?
well, because, i can't go to my appointments and get a prescription for refills because i can't rely on you or anyone else to take me.
he then tells me that once again that is my fault. which ultimately i guess it is, but it's still hard to do these things when no one can help me out.
he picks on me more, i start to cry. we are almost at home.
he tells me, oh god. stop crying like a two year old. go upstairs when we get home, i don't want you to embarrass me in front of Marlene. (His beloved girlfriend)
The thing was, crying like a two year old I imagine a temper tantrum. tears were barely coming out of my eyes, and I was silent. But maybe he is around unique toddlers.
I hear marlene come in the door, me upstairs. I hear a change of mood even in his voice. he's laughing, they're kissing. he seems happy. something he could never be with me.

today was a fail, and a let down.
i can blame this all on him, but i think in general, it's just me who i should blame.