Lack of sleep

really isn't doing any good on me.
mentally and even physically.


i hate insomnia, i have way too much on my mind.
i'm sick of always thinking.
that's all i do, on top of worry about where i stand with people, or if things are good between me & someone.
or what if i don't wake up tomorrow and not be able to do the 845083 things i have to do because i overslept.
or what if my sister gets mad that i can't see her this weekend because i'm going to north carolina instead because plans clashed and now i don't know what to do.
or what if this weird lump in my neck is actually a tumor.
or what if i continue pissing people off because my agenda is too fucked up to plan things out anymore.
or what if i fail this year because i don't do my work when i'm supposed to because i want to see my friends more.
i just really need to breathe. i've been so fucking stressed out this whole damn week, even before that.
there's pressure surrounding me and i'm trying to be as happy and positive as i appear to be.
my most truthful blogs come out at night, i find. then i regret posting them the next day and why?
because i worry about what people think of me. great, i'm one of those people.