Just a waste of paint

This weekend has been fast and rapid.
I have been feeling more of the urge to escape, go go go.
But then, other times I don't want to go anywhere because my whole body is full with excitement.
I'm terribly up and down and rather confused.
Honestly, everything seems half and half.
It (seems) like half the people I care(d) for the most have been the largest disappointments, and don't have good intentions for me.
While the other half, completely surprise me and make me happy. What's sad is, the people who are being the greatest are the ones I never expected anything from. And the ones I held so much respect for, let me down.
It's only temporary, people do change. Have I? Sure. In little ways though, I still ultimately feel like myself. I have just been looking for ways lately to numb out all the negative and upsetting things in my life. All it's doing is backfiring though, which is scary.
I have always had a tendency of blacking out things I don't like and it always worked but for only a limited amount of time.
I've been doing that again, the upside is though that I've been convincing myself that I am so, so happy. Which is true and I believe that, but what happens when you feel like you're nearing your breaking point?
The question is, where what and who do you turn to?
Not an empty bottle, not untrusting characters. I've found the ones I've trusted. Certain friends that I may have pushed out of my life for dumb reasons, and captured them again. Each time I come back, I'm better. Each time they come back, they are better. For that, I cannot be happier that they are here.
And It's always nice getting to know people you didn't think you'd expect to get to know.
Because you don't really know where it'll take you. But, I'm more than willing to open myself up to possibilities.

I really wish I was going somewhere this summer, somewhere far. This would have been a better time to take that cruise.
God, would it be better.

No more wasting away, I'm almost 18! It seems so weird to me, I remember looking at that age as ...old. Like looking up to the 18 year olds and thinking, it will be forever until I can be that age and have that much freedom. And look as old as they do! But...I don't look older. Ha. In fact sometimes I think I look too young. But I've pulled off looking 18 & up before, so it can't be so bad.

This week will be a fun one.
Cheerio.