and if you say theres no truth & who cares- how come you say it like you're right?

eh, blogging's not so terrible I guess.
It just grows more and more of a non-private affair.
You start out making one of these things not knowing what to expect, just throw your every thought down not thinking about who will read it and what not.
Just seems like now the whole world knows, and it seems pointless I guess.
I'd rather write in my diary again, you guys probably don't remember but throughout the winter I kept a journal. A leather back beautiful journal. It holds all my winter and fall secrets. How I felt before and a little after new years. It's sitting close to me, yet I'm afraid to read it. I'm afraid to look back on what I felt then, and reminiscent...very awkward times and situations. There were a lot, but also some of my favorite times ever.

I don't regret anything, none of the anger I might have jotted down here and there, none of the mistakes or frustrations. Although I think none of it as a mistake, but things that happened. No, I'm not talking about anyone or anything in particular. There were many changes around that time period. So writing in that journal really was emotional, I'm afraid that if I read it again, I'll remember all of it just as it was and just think of myself as pathetic. You write things sometimes not suspecting psychotic words and outbursts, you think of it as just a journal entry. Getting feelings out, but then when you look back on it, it's like the devil and god were raging inside of me. (Can you guess what album title I got that from? Haha)
I will quote an appropriate lyric from Bright Eyes;
"Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is."

I can relate to this a lot. A lot of things I think of, write, talk about, how I feel about someone is so drastic, so blown up. Things you should or shouldn't have acted on.
By the morning, my mind is peaceful again and sometimes I feel a little melodramatic.
It's interesting, the phases of your mind, a psychology thing really.
It just changes, SO much and so frequently but at the same time...
it never changes at all.

This summer seems depressing, friends are leaving for college, and one has already left.
Many of them are just...leaving.
I feel as if I'll be forgotten. They will all enter this new world, of new people and lifestyle.
While I'm "Just that girl I used to know back in my hometown."
Still stuck here, while it's a nice place it is. It's really a wonderful place to live and we take it for granted.
But at the same time, I'd like to get out too. I feel like I never will.


So much for quitting the blog-life.
I'm a hypocrite, don't you just love me?