"Love is nothing more than an action."

It's sad when most of the sentences you say start out with "Well, my therapist says.."
But I think my therapist has a lot of good things to say, she seems intelligent. Only hearing me speak for an hour, it seems like she summed up my life better than I could in 16 years.
She wanted to talk to me about everything, my parents, my social life, school, love life.
I actually liked talking about my love life, when she referred to guys I've been with, she wouldn't call them boys. She'd call them men, and also referred to me as a woman. I felt silly hearing her say, "so how are the men in your love life?"
I wanted to say, men? I wouldn't quite call them that, I'm too young to think of people I associate with as men or women. But a part of me loved it, so I just nodded and kept on as if it wasn't anything absurd to be hearing. The truth is, I haven't ever been with men. I've been with boys. Even if they are older than me, they are still boys just because of how they are. When I explained that to her, because really, most of the guys I've had things with were only boys. She said... "I think it may be time you look for a man." I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I was a little dazed and confused. I said, "Well, when I think of men, I think of...way older." She clearly stated to me, that a man isn't necessarily defined by his age, but as how he see's the world. Maybe I'll have better luck if I take her advice, I just don't feel like picking back up again. She says that I make out my life to be more complex then I need to. That I really do have ambition, and I am a good kid. That I'm someone rare to find and that I have a lot in store for myself. It's just, that I can't begin to see it. For me, I try accepting everyone. I get warned about a lot of people in my life. Even if there are signs in front of my face, sitting there just staring me in the eyes. I tend to look past all of them to see the good in everyone. She thinks I do this because I can't do the same for myself. Its harder for me to see the good in me, or to think that I am worth anything. I don't think I've accomplished anything superior or really made a change in anyone's life. I don't think I'm pretty, and I feel original a lot of the time, but sometimes I don't and it kills me. I try to have my own thoughts even though I know I'm always wrong in the end, I just always want to prove things to people. It's like I'm reaching out so much to be something I can't put my finger on. So instead of looking for the good in me, I look for it in other people, no matter how bad I get treated or how I feel later on. Not just with guys even, but sometimes some friends and family. I've grown up around a lot of hostility as a child and I never had a chance to be a kid, without reality always breathing down my neck. That's cause a lot of the problems I have now, which is why I see this lady. Daydreaming was all I really had when I was little, its the only thing I could believe in or look foward too. I'd go to school and walk into my house which to me was a torture chamber, and I would just run to my room and just dream all those years away. Now here I am, things are better, but I got into a habit that I can just...daydeam all my problems away, and when I don't, that's when everything crashes down on me. Because of the things I grew up around it has made it hard for me to let people in, and to trust them. Now when I do, or start caring, I get proved wrong and the cycle starts over.
This doesn't make me weird or mean that I am giving up on anything. I'm not. I still give people chances, I still want to see the good in you.
Things are looking up, I believe.