another post, another rant. i figured i'd just keep you updated. even though i wrote pretty late last night, oh so much has happened since. last night i fell asleep without a thought in my mind. and i know that because i usually remember things i think about before i drift off to sleep. but last night, i got nothing. but what i do know is i went somewhere, yet thats too personal for this blog itself. hell, maybe i'll start a diary and say things ive always wanted to say in here. well lets just say i woke up feeling pretty good, a clean mind and everything was okay. my mom comes in asking me if my alarm had gone off, and i told her in fact that it did. about 10 minutes from when she came in, and that i was simply resting my eyes for a little bit- i had plenty of time to do nothing this morning, no one to pick up and nowhere to go. she asks me if i took the medicine the handed me last night, and i said i didnt. so she made me take it today. i hate that pill, it makes me feel weird. i had to take it last year and it made me feel like a robot, 'cept with less metal and screws in my body. she started saying things that upset me, just a little. things as in how i have problems and i need to suck it up, and take what she gives me. after a while she was basically calling me psychotic. and who knows, maybe i am. maybe everyone is, no one is sane most of the time anyways. so, tears just started pouring down my face and i grabbed my keys and left. i started driving somewhere and i didn't know where i was. i know it wasnt school, thats a damn sure. towards the middle of the day i realized this was stupid, i need to come home. but beaufort to me isnt home anymore, being with my dad, and the house in hilton head? thats home to me now. i feel understood here and so much more relaxed. anyways, i head to bluffton and eventually i got there. my dad wasnt at his office so i head towards the house, and of course he was there. i thought the first thing he would do is yell mercifully at me, and tell me what a fuck up im becoming, thats what i expected at least. but he listened to me, word for word. i could tell me was because when he's not, he just cuts you off and the conversation usually only has one side to it. but i guess in this conversation there was one side. and for once, he was on mine! actually my side, he was agreeing with everything i said. he wanted what was best for me, made several phone calls and took me to breakfast. i wont get into things that are being worked on right now, but my life is coming together again, and its because of him. parents do have benefits, after all. so much madness has overtaken me in the last week, its incredible. but i'm sane, i'm living, i'm breathing, and i'm going to be okay...
my dad took me to breakfast in his car today and i was just sitting there. i got all these flashbacks of being a little girl again. i remembered sitting there, in the passenger seat listening to his cheesy spanish and electro-pop music. but i didnt complain, because even though i hated it so much, i loved the feelings that came back into me as when i was little. it was a reminder to me that i was really happy once upon a time. no, im not saying im a depressed little freak. sure, i go through some depression and anxiety but its not like that all the time, and i dont want this blog giving out the wrong idea. i was just such an easy-lucky-free kind of girl.
well, my dads home and we're going to barnes and noble to get a diary and maybe a few books for me to start reading.
thanks for reading, its good to know that you do.
-me
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