i am the living ghost of what you need

I was told recently my breathing speeds up when I sleep.
That must be why it's always hard for me to wake up.


Warped Tour was really fun, I didn't expect my presence there this year ha.
Anna & I went with Gage & Terry. They invited Anna, and Anna would go if I went.
So I did. At least one of us was invited!
The weather was awkward, to say the least. Not my favorite bands, the line up wasn't too great but there were still some bands worth seeing. Oh, and JEFFREE STAR!
not the gross fat millionaires.

I totally crowd surfed. I almost fell but someone grabbed me by the string of my bikini.
That moment during Big D I just completely let loose, and just had the most amazing fun.
There were guys there that were just so nice and danced with me as if they've known me for forever, and girls that held my hands and spun me around like I was their best friend.
It was adorable, really.
The way back was long, we stopped at an Olive Garden but I didn't eat cause I wanted to put in my share for gas, it's the least I could do. At least Anna could eat, Gage would pay for her half of gas.
ha.
Whatever, anyways I got really emotional on the way back, half of the reason because I was really tired and that's when I get all psycho bitch, and teary. blech.
Also just because everything seems so different now, you seem different. It's not like it used to be, all the cute stuff is gone, and it's just not the same. I know people change and I understand, I know I'm a hard person to stay that way with for more than a week. It's just sad, knowing everything really is over, this is it. This is really it, isn't it.
It's the end. You're different, done with me and it showed more than ever yesterday by the way you looked at me.
I don't know what is next in any direction for me. People think there are so many options like it's just so easy but they don't understand fully. I don't understand fully myself. I just don't see anything at all.

And for guys, who will ever want me really. There is always going to be some girl in their past that they will contrast to me and she will always be better. There will always be something that I can't do that she does, or did. I just need to stop hating myself after all this time. Sometimes I am positive and believe I do have something to offer to someone in this world. God, why do I sound so fucking emo? Gross.

As for you though. You are so oddly nice to me, and we barely know eachother.
I don't know what to think of you, I've known you, or known of you for quite sometime and it's like now, I see how great you are. You're just so.... nice. : )


Desiree is really GREAT