I was kicked out last night :(
i guess it's my stubborn attitude that clashes with my dad.
ugh! he can just be the most selfish person on this planet. i'm not even going to get into that right now.
but trust me it is.
when you are more up for buying yourself the new itouch then put money towards your daughters SAT or ACT tests, you've got a problem.


I walked around a while last night when I got out. I was just wearing a kinda big tie dyed t-shirt that just barely covered the little shorts i was wearing. no make up on, and my hair straight and down a little below my shoulders. i looked like, a bum. wandering spanish wells crying, only a not-so-charged cell phone in hand. I just remember that walk. nothing could scare me at that moment, nothing could upset me anymore. i felt immortal (i had technique;] ....small joke). then I thought, well, while all this is nice and how relaxingly dark and great it feels out here. I'm gonna need a place to sleep tonight. I called Catie, a really amazing friend. She met up with me down her street and we talked and talked and talked. Then....we made brownies! Suddenly my not so great night was turning around just by being there. away from my house.
before we went to bed we stayed up for a while giggling under the covers about hilarious senarios. "sci fi is THAT way!"
I tossed and turned all night. All but thoughts on my mind like strong notes in Forte.
...and the fact that my wisdom teeth were coming in and that plus me crying hours before created a huge uncomfortable headache.

i'm home now. it's 8:30. saved by the bell is on. I really want to see this, I love kelly, jessie, zach, slater, screech, and lisa. i miss those guys dearly!
I may just fall asleep though.
Pants is in a really cuddly mood and keeps purring and trying to twist her little body beside me anyway she can, somehow trying to lay in my arms.
sounds good to me, i miss cuddling. right now, even pants will do.

meet me in montauk.

I already forget how I used to feel about you
Leave as fast as you came, no invitation, nowhere to go from here
I've been wandering around wondering how I got so
Fucking boring all the sudden so fucking scared... I'm not
you'd mean so much more to me if I remembered.


This song is amazing by Circa Survive. you need to check it out if you haven't already. It's thirteen minutes long, and there is only about 6 minutes of song in it. You hear what you think is the whole song, but then minutes go by of silence and a hidden song appears.
The whole song is referred to eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
an amazing movie, and the band must really be into it as well. Seeing as, another title of their songs is called "wish resign'd" which is from the film in a little poem type thing.
if you look up the lyrics, you will see so many lines that make you think of the film.
a lot of their songs have hidden references to Eternal Sunshine. Definitely one of the best songs on the album. as old as it is, i still like to come back to old albums i haven't heard in a really long time and grow more appreciation for it.

ooooo la, she was such a good girl to me.
ooooo la, the world just chewed her up, & spat her out.








...and after such a good shuffle. the blood brothers come on.

hello sunshine! come into my life.

there are so many great movies coming out!
i'm excited for a many of things.
aka this weekend.




blissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissbliss
blissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissblissbliss
blissblissBLISS!

scratch that.
things are totally looking up.

this song is absolutely beautiful. agreed?



drinking alone in the morning, reached a new low eh?
these dumb weekend habits are getting to me, and with family history it's not such a good thing.
i hate guys, they always make me feel like shit and nothing and i get down there again.
when i think something is working with someone, theres always a reason i come up with of why it's not or why it cant.
i can't wait to scurry off to college and make a new life for myself. all this place is doing to me now is haunting me everywhere i go, everyone i see.
the thing is, hilton head isnt even bad at all. it's a nice place and by reading really really old blogs on this thing, it seemed to be my 'hiding' spot. from beaufort. i described it as this majestic place that i could just run to when things got bad in beaufort, my safety zone. the place where there were all these new people who made me so incredibly happy i couldnt see anything else to do but just move there.
but what i didn't expect, what i didn't think i'd find, is a lot of those people just turned on me and greatly disappointed me. they changed drastically. i know i probably changed myself but i never changed my morals or how i treated people.
i still cherish my great friends who are always there and who will always be there. and the new ones i've met and have grown to truly enjoy.
i'll take them everywhere always, no matter where i go.
but for the others i wish i could just burry in the ground and never think of any of them again.
start something new, refresh.
too bad things can't be that easy, i really wish they could.
i can't believe how different things were only just a year ago when i officially moved here.
i can't believe how much these hypocrites have changed so quickly. some of them are younger than me so i can figure it's because they are finding out who they are and it's bound to happen.


i can't wait for next weekend.
my mini getaway.

i have a pulsing headache.
this weekend kept me busy, basically 24/7
a lot of it involved miss erin kaeding and desiree, anna and the gang.
we got caught up in a lot of shenanigans.
but this weekend, it's what i needed.
i definitely couldn't just sit at home.
i wish i could say.....


i don't know.
i need time, time time.

lots of it.