Reached a new high.
Now understanding so much.


and you're starting to really make me happy.
at first, I thought the age thing would be a little weird, but it's not that far off.
I mean, what. You're not even three years older than me.
That's not so bad....right?
you're way too perfect and adorable for me to pass up.
thanks for waking me up.
I'm finally really happy. : )

Trippiest dream ever, I concur.

So I had this really crazy dream last night. Weirdest one I have ever had in all honesty. Yet, I'd probably dream it over and over again if I could.
First off, there was this magical website. It was called, Animal.com
I went to it today, realizing it's only an animal planet thing. Anyways, in my dream, it was this really creepy magical website.
You press a button and the nearest TV turns on. There was this older man and an older woman, as the host, with crazy faces. Then there were video clips of my mom and I about 14 years ago-ish. Then it showed a clip of a pool, and my sister when she was 8, ice skating across it and looking at me from outside the tv and smiling. Then Patrick Swayze was there, dancing really stupid but he was younger from like, the Dirty Dancing era. All these weird things were on the Tv circling around and the volume was getting louder and the hosts came out of the TV and said, ready to go to the ZOO?! and then I nodded my head slowly, and POOF. I was in this zoo. I was standing in front of a fenced in area filled with horny elephants and a friendly goat wanting me to pet him.
I kept walking, there was a big Tilt-o-whirl thing, but it was a waterslide instead and...I can't really explain that one.
Anyways, I kept walking into these other rooms and dimensions. I walked into this salad buffet type thing with all these different salad dressings, and all the puppys kept poking out of them but when I tried to get one out of the dressing they would disappear. It was some illusion.
Then I saw Aaron, he is walking around too. He says, this place is freaking me out..
he was there because I remember in my dream before going to this link, I was talking to Aaron on MSN (in my dream of course) and giving him the link and I said, meet me here. And he clicked it and now we are both here, in this weird place. I have to hurry this up, basically it was a weird dream but the only way I got home was to look for this magical red milk carton and press a button on it. I didn't exactly want to leave though because everything was magic, I could turn two oranges into cereal bowls, and this woman turned my scarf into a flashlight.
Okay, bye!

"A really good song lyric because I can't think of one right now"

Todays blog will be about an interesting thought that came to my mind.
Why do girls like the 'assholes' over the 'sweethearts'?
Well, you see it's very simple if you see it this way. There is something that just annoys us to the very core. We love the excitement! We subconsciously like the fact that we get treated like dirt by jerks, because we can complain about it. Either to ourselves, or how many other girls like to vent, to their best friends. It's all a familiar game, you see. But then you question the obvious..
Why do we hate this act so much, yet keep getting hungry for more? What is it, that entices us to keep aiming for that kind. Because, we live for those little specs of pure surprise from those men. They will sporadically do something we'd say was cute, or heart-warming. Such as, saying something really adorable before they kiss us. A certain technique they may use while laying in bed with you, like the way they 'cuddle'. Would they call it cuddling? I don't know, but they aren't afraid to do it. Even I, myself, has had my share of 'assholes' (trust me) yet I haven't seemed to learn. I go through life thinking, Ugh! When will a decent guy just like me already. Truth is, they have. Same with a lot of girls, they think they aren't scoped out by the good guys but they really are. We are just too picky and turned off to the sweet approaches they automatically throw at us! Sure, it's all nice and dandy. But won't it get old? I know when I am with a guy who isn't known to do sweet things, when they ever did, it meant so much that I can't even put it in words. Girls love that feeling so much that they put aside all the shitty things that happen to them, just for the surprise. I realized this by thinking, I know some truly sweet guys and I have let them go so many times, even very recently. I've met a few people in the last few weeks who probably could be something but, the sweet texts and the cute-sy lines just get to be too much. I know a lot of people can agree.
The sad thing is, is it's the good guys who will take you on a genuine date.
It's the good guys who care more about you then what's in your...pants?
It's the good guys who are there longer.
It's the good guys who will love you in the end.

So why pass all those great things up, for that one spur of the moment feeling.
It's really not a right or wrong answer, for whatever that girl is more into.
It's just what you tolerate for yourself more. It's A, or it's B.
I haven't chosen yet.
When I seem to think I have all the answers.





this blog was inspired by: Sex & The City, Cosmopolitan July 2009, chats with Desiree late at night, the sweet guys that keep trying, and the other guys who never did.

mostly from Cosmopolitan though


yeah, this blog is super GAY

you arrogant little shit.
if that one little sentence in your blog was at all about me, which i'm 96% sure it was,
you definitely know nothing about me at all.

i haven't seen you since before summer (or kind of during it) and you supposedly know what i 'do'? you have no clue what i do, where i am, or who i am for that matter.
what the hell is wrong with you? i did nothing to ignite this, and gave you no reason to put me in such a....disgusting low light.
it will never make any sense to me, what so ever.

maybe that part in your blog had nothing to do with me, which would be reasonable seeing as it doesn't match me at all, i just know that's how you think of me. which i'm clueless to why, but besides that, it's just wrong to say those things about someone.
unless its really really true, then maybe it would be just a little bit more acceptable.


EDIT:
So I just took a shower right after I wrote all this. I realized how stupid it was to write this, I get so frustrated and I overwrite things I don't need to. Why should I care what someone I no longer have contact with says about me? like i said before, they don't know me, so don't let it bother me. I guess I was just so aggravated because it was the last thing i needed to see/read after what's going on with my brother and everything else. It was just the cherry on top. But it was immature and juvenile on my part to rant about this because I honestly shouldn't let it bother me. He can write whatever he wants but I know what he says is ridiculous, I guess I'm so afraid other people will buy his crap and see me as someone they really shouldn't. But, no use in letting it get to me. I could just erase this blog, but I figured I'd keep it just to look back and see how different i get when I'm truly angry. Now this stupid blog took away from the other blog I posted today, below this, which is fun and positive!

Sorry for the blog meltdown.
Now I find this all humorous.

Paul and Spanish. what a great combo! Love this.


Today was so great. I did a few hours concerning school, I got an excellent grade on my psych paper. The teacher even commented, "Is this a profession you wish to pursue?"
eh, no. As much as the whole generality of it all entices me in that direction, it's not something I will pursue. But I will definitely be able to study it!
Then Desiree came over around 2, we checked on anna and headed to le beach!
We ate at Stu's first, which was so wonderful. The guy that works there LOVES us!
We get to the beach, and there are barely any souls there. Except us and the elders. Maybe some seagulls too, they were there.
It felt so amazing, i love sitting under the sun. So relaxing, especially since the sun wasn't excruciatingly hot. It was perfect, got some color too.
Then we went to Java Joe's and had yummy drinks.
I then came home and took a really super long nap. It made me really tired though, like now I could probably go back to sleep.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to my orthodontist appointment and i'm getting SOOOO close to getting these stupid braces off, I'm so excited. I wonder what I'll look like, ha.

six more days until Washington State, can't wait to be in a completely different environment, you know? As beautiful as Hilton Head is, it can be pretty painful for various reasons.
So.....that's all I guess?


goodbye.

start-

i feel completely lost right now.
everything is way out of place, everything just slipped through my fingers.
there was a point in time where i think i had everything that i could ever want now, but all of it was taken for granted. i didn't seem to care. i didn't seem to notice the importance of all those valuable things.
now, so many things are missing.
my extremely adored Ipod, my 2 inch longer hair which i long for now, my car which i never understood how lucky i was, and people.
now all that's left is being here, all the time. no way out, and every thing is either destroyed or stolen.


actually, i'm really into school work right now. since i'm taking astronomy i havent been more interested in the solar system and all these really interesting aspects. and psychology has really interested me as well, i love learning more and more. music theory to me is really easy, but it's still fun.
everything else is just doable.

derek and i are going job hunting together this week. this will be so great, haha.
something i can look forward to is...YES getting my braces off. super soon.

theres certain things that make me pretty uncomfortable to read, so i make it so i won't ever have to. i just want things to be easier right now, hopefully that is understandable.
i'm glad it sums up that fun is being had, and happiness is reached but learning certain branches or causes of that needs to be hidden.

now, i have some old school sherlock holmes mystery novels to indulge in (Dr. Watson is on to something...), and i can end this awkward blog.


-end

ten people

1 you're artsy, wear cute glasses, skinny and like good music. completely 'indie'. but you're twenty and you smoke pot from time to time. pros and cons, pros and cons.. i just do not know

2 you're my best friend, never really noticed how much you cared until you seem to strive to see me happy at all costs. you couldn't ask for anyone better, really. you're beautiful and sometimes you fail to see it, but you should. i love you with all of my little heart.

3 you surprise me so intensely on how quickly you swap from the good to the bad side. i used to really really like you.

4 i don't know with you anymore. we're supposed to be the best of friends but i never know when to think you are mad at me or just in a bad mood. i feel like if i say something wrong, you will hate me.

5 you're being erased.

6 i thought there was potential there but when you came back down i realized that you just aren't quite my type. i don't know what my type is for that matter. you're a great person though, you really are.

7 i'm glad things have been looking up for you, and myself as well

8 i miss you so much, i know i shouldn't because all you are is trouble and brought drama all around every group of friends. but you had so much life in you that i was always smiling. i don't know what happened.

9 you're an asshole, and you know it. you always blog and whine about how you feel like you're lonely and have no friends and that everyone left, but not many people left are willing to be friends with such a dick as yourself. not many at least.

10 i see you have gotten yourself in a really sticky situation, i want you to do the right thing but i also just want to see you happy. if you go the road you want, you will hurt someone and you know this. but either way, aren't you hurting them all in all? you are smart enough to do what's best, you are a great person. i love you a lot.