hmm

I'm taking a risk on you.
Don't let me down.

..Maybe you're the right kind of nice that I need.

I will possess your heart.

oh how so much has been going on.
busy busy busy..

lets see.
i spent the night with bridget last night.
we went to outback that night, and met up with Gianna and then later Charlie & Julie.
& almost Jake Littletons, but decided not.
I finally got to see my LOVE, mister Sean Kernan. We met up with him & drove around and then eventually took him home.
The next morning, Bridget and I did ab work outs and went on a walk, got toned for our new hot beach bodies that are slowly forming ;)
after that, we met up with Gianna again, and drove around in her cute little BMW & went to the beach. It was so nice outside, yet it could have been much hotter. I wore my cute dark green & white bathing suit, which my boobs were like HUGE in. haha.
We went to the tiki hut & met up with some guys and tanned. It was a huge group, and we got little daiquiris and stuff!
Then we went to Sonic & home. I came home & took a shower, when Haley came by. We met up with people, went to dinner, and then to a little 'get-together' some friends were having :)
It was insane. Yet worth-while, I had fun. It was great seeing Derek again <3 & we took really cute pictures! haha, then I met Stephen Padgett and his friend Musso? Idk..
They were really nice as well. It was so much fun!
Haley is spending the night tonight and then I guess we are going to Battle of the Bands tomorrow.
Woo..

Agh, but things are just weeeeird. I wanted to go to 'square one' again, but certain thoughts wont leave my head, and uncomfortable things I think about just make it awkward. And to be honest, really it just disgusts me that you are going back on your word of being with her again, it's just...ew. So because of that it's hard to just put that out of my mind and be completely okay with you again.

fml.
[cliche cliche]
but fmylife.com is hilarious.

also, the new PostSecret!
This is my favorite, because I feel it fits me most ;p tehe!

we're falling but holding, i don't wanna take up anymore of your time.

I want to write so much, I have so much to write.
But I can't because it will be read.

I'm making a new blogspot, where only I know it and nobody else, so I can write whatever I want :)
It's going to be me pouring everything out that I was never able to even tell myself.
Basically, this new blogspot I'm going to have is me telling myself the harsh truth that I'm not able to hear from other people.
I can talk about whoever I want, HOW-ever I want because no one will be reading it.
This is going to be great.

...Tomorrow is going to be REALLY weird, and random.
hahaha, I'll talk about that in my other blog.

but none of this stuff will be bitchy or 'The Hills' like.
and most of its going to be about me anyways.
I'll still use this blogspot a lot though.

this is stupid.

idiot, idiot, idiot.

So upset.

My parents really get to me sometimes.
My dad is fucking bipolar, one day he will say that what i want to do is fine. then the next, he decides to be a dick and say, no! i change my mind, because now i don't trust you that late at night in a different state.
when really, nothing bad would have happened. i'm old enough to take care of myself, i'm not 13 or 14 years old anymore. i'm going to be 17 super soon, and then not long after i'll be on my own.
tonight, he told me "oh well, i just found out i'm going out of town so i'll let you buy your tickets as soon as i know your mother can take you."
so as soon as she picks up he is like "MELANIE WANTS TO GO TO A CONCERT AND NO GIRLS WILL BE THERE AND IT'S GOING TO BE LATE AND I DONT LIKE THIS. oh yeah could she stay with you that weekend?"
So of course my mother freaks out and says no, and my dad starts randomly YELLING at me saying, NO SEE I KNEW THIS WASNT A GOOD IDEA, FORGET IT.
so, i say, why would you even begin to listen to parental advice from her when she abandoned me all the time when i was really little for some sketch black guy that is a child molester and basically cheats any chance he gets. you abandon me for that, when i really couldnt have taken care of myself then. i havent talked to her in weeks, she lied to me about getting back with him again, and now she tries to act like she has all this say in my life?
this may be harsh, but fuck you mom. you are the reason i don't go to public school right now due to deeper reasons.
you are the reason, that i don't get along with you now.
you are the reason, that i don't fall for the good guys.
you are the reason, that i could never go home after school in junior high because you had more important things to do with him,
you are the reason, that i was always afraid of going home
you are the reason, i never felt like i even HAD a home then,
and now you are the reason, that i can't go to HoH.
good job, you really are some mother.
This is the one thing that I have been looking foward to for a while, and I can't even go anymore because of you guys.
everything is ruined now.
thanks.
now back to the rest of what will now be one of the shittiest weeks yet.

I will go in this way, & find my own way out. I won't ask you to stay, but I'm coming to much more

First I'll start off with how CUTE this!

Haha, STUPID thing around it's neck. Like, What. Why? hahaha. brat.


My dad has been really sick since Sunday.
I'm a little worried, I woke up to the dog un-walked, and him not here and his bed is unmade.
If you know Gus, he always makes his bed before he goes anywhere. No answer on his cell, and I don't think he's at work.
The only thing I can guess is he went to the emergency room, this morning or last night and I must have slept through it. It's scary though, I hope he's okay. I don't know what I'd do if something terrible happened, I mean he just had a stroke.

Nevermind, he called. He just went to do rounds at the nursing home, guess he's feeling better.
Even though he is fine, and still here, I still feel like I lost someone else.
It sucks a lot, to know that it will never be the same again. Even though we have the future, I've never been one to rely on the future.
At least we are back to the way we started in the first place. Friendly! :D
There will still be missed memories, but everything will be fine.

Catie, and I are going to the gym after school in Bluffton, I'm pretty sure. Well she has to wait until she gets out of her therapist appointment, which ends at 5 then we can go.

I'm sleepy and I think I'm going to go back to bed.
I wish.
My teachers here, meaning I have school work to do. Yippeeeeeeee...
Such a bad time for me to put in any concentration.
Too many things on my mind.
Including somebody new :]

I also have been wondering something. It might sound really stupid, but I wonder if people from Africa or other foreign countries have cell phones.
& if they do, I wonder if they have the same carriers like, Sprint, or Verizon.

There'll be a golden ladder reaching down, when the man comes around

it's sunday, and it's raining intensely.
my sister is in the shower, so i decided i'd take this time to blog.
last night was fun, we went to the movies and around town and charleston is very nice.
but around 12 everything seemed to collapse, my family, and my grandmother might have cancer, a couple friends back home might have gotten arrested..
it's so odd!

it also seems, when i go somewhere even for only a couple of days, all these crazy things happen.
i got online for like, 3 minutes last night and 3843058 people FB IM'd me telling me about what dramatic events occurred while i was gone.
it was sort of overwhelming, but i was also glad to put in my words to them, and help them out with other issues.

now, all i'm asking is for everyone to be straight up with me about...everything. i don't have time to play games, nor do i want to.
i'm sick of people tip-toeing around me to protect my feelings, don't worry about them.
just...tell me what's up.

garrett burke got a twitter, YES!