blogging is most appropriate right now.
today was so....STUPID.
this is how it went, in a nutshell.
-sleepy/neutral
-annoyed (texts)
-relaxed (shower)
-good
-good
-great
-alright
-blah
-giddy
-cold (grillin)
-joyful
-satisfied (moes)
-freezing
-happy
-just okay
-bored
-growing tired, really really bored
-angry
-frustrated
-unconscious (nap)
-MAD
-let down
-bias
-fun
-cute
-awkward
-really awkward
-home.
Each day I feel like I pick something new up about a person. Whether it be delightful, or unpleasant. If there is one thing I cherish more, it's feeling comfortable enough to confide in someone. To get treated with pure honesty. It disappoints me to no end when I learn that someone I enjoy shows some of those traits. Especially when there are two completely different stories on both sides and you just want to believe them both because they sound so good from that persons P.O.V.
I'm so sick of the "he said/she said" games. She said that you said this and that about me, but he said that you did this and that, yeah but she blah blah blah, no i never told him any of that, no she told me you said this. Jesus Christ.
It's too much, I feel way past this. Just fucking be straight up with me, don't worry about my 'feelings'.
The Grillin today had it's ups and downs. I saw some people I haven't for a while, talked to them for a bit, that was good. I wasn't in a social mood at all today however and didn't really feel like talking to anyone or meeting any of the people I haven't met before there (which was surprisingly more than I thought). I enjoy these people, don't get me wrong. And I usually have fun at these gatherings but for some reason I wasn't feeling it today. Usually I'm more outgoing and put myself in more conversations and strike things up but today all i thought about doing was going home. And I probably would have but Erin drove me. The truth is, I don't hang around those kids enough to be able to comfortably weave myself in little conversations. Not today atleast. Wasn't one of my better days. Also It's been kind of bothering me that I have felt so inferior to this in particular person. She's pretty, sweet, basically everything I think I'm not. She's like, 'the golden girl'. It seems like she has what it takes to get whoever or whatever she wants, and while I really enjoy her I still feel kind of low compared to her. Maybe it's my fault, that I will sit and compare myself to someone. But all these guys are in love with her and she doesn't have to do much for them to be taken away by her while I feel the complete opposite. It's just been this weird little thing that has been eating at me the last few days and it's nice to write it down instead of locking it in my head. I know it's a stupid thing to be bothered by, I'm just....too hard on myself sometimes I guess. And for the cherry on top (by the way, I hate starting my sentences with 'And' I know it's incorrect english in most cases but I don't care, who is judging?) anyways, for the cherry on top, I felt as if I was getting a bunch of young aged worthless drama hurled at me from two people that really mattered to me. I thought that act was put to an end and buried into a deep grave. While it all seemed juvenile and stupid, some of it really did kind of hurt, just seeing how the day was strewn about.
When the day was slowly ending, Catie & I and others went to the movies to see Nine.
It was a very enticing movie, very sexy. Penelope Cruz did a little sexy strip tease [she is SO gorgeous: I love her!], and Nicole Kidman had a sexy role as well. It was taken from a Broadway play, I wasn't too crazy over the movie though but it wasn't not worth it either.
All of us ate at Fancy Q before hand, I got a yummy Philadelphia roll and they gave us this tasty fried oreos & whipped cream thing for dessert. It was only the second thing I had to eat all day. Normally my days have consisted of eating one or two meals. It hasn't been three in god knows how long. Not because I am self conscious of my body (which I guess I kind of am but that has nothing to do with how I diet), it's really just because I don't find the time and I'm not hungry that often. The benefits of this of course is the weight that I lose.
If I had a list for everyone that I miss in some way, it would be a really long list. The list would contain people that I haven't seen in years, people that I haven't seen in what-seems-to-be-a-while-but-really-isnt-but-they-are-so-close-to-me-that-it-feels-like-forever, people who have changed immensely and seem like the old them is dead and gone, people who are here that I feel don't exist when they should, people that I feel I should see more often that I don't. It would be a really long list. All in all, I miss so many people.
Oh, I REALLY want to dress up as a pin-up girl by the way. so badly.
they are absolutely fantastic. the outfits are so seductively glam!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
hiiiiii,
christmas is unbelievably soon. this is the first year where it literally crept up on me.
It feels like yesterday that i was cutting up construction paper making those little christmas countdown chains.
Now, it's just someone random saying: oh hey, christmas is this week.
i don't even remember december starting. this year has flown by too fast, now it's time to embrace 2010 when I haven't even gotten used to 2009 yet.
all this year was filled with was mass celebrity deaths and everyone covering themselves in fear of the 2012 conspiracy.
the only conspiracy i've wrapped too much of my time in is, (do i have to say it?) UFOs!
anyways, back to christmas. I've done my shopping. I got my mother a nice necklace from J Crew and my dad a Polo shirt, (but that was just from target) and I got my sister a brown fleece jacket. I will not name any of the gifts I got for my friends because maybe they are reading this, who knows.
I miss Lacie :( I really wish she was here this year. No one is home this year. It's going to be so different, not having two places to go for christmas. staying up all night watching funny videos on youtube with my sisters by the fire place, making our cats have conversations in english and spanish accents. sometimes chinese or black people accents. absolutely no one understands us, or our humor. it's also traditional that we watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. All my stupid dad likes to watch are shakira shake down videos and christina aguilera christmas music. and jazz & classical music, which isnt bad.
UGH!
I want to be with my sisters right now sooooo bad.
and i'm sick.
this sucks.
it's just a little cold right now, and i have to work tomorrow from 2-5 or 2-6. something like that, it's going to be incredibly busy!
hopefully i get some visits, i love being visited more than anything.
it's pretty nifty.
well, i could write more about my feelings or my thoughts..
but i'm not.
i'm kind of over this blog.
bye!
christmas is unbelievably soon. this is the first year where it literally crept up on me.
It feels like yesterday that i was cutting up construction paper making those little christmas countdown chains.
Now, it's just someone random saying: oh hey, christmas is this week.i don't even remember december starting. this year has flown by too fast, now it's time to embrace 2010 when I haven't even gotten used to 2009 yet.
all this year was filled with was mass celebrity deaths and everyone covering themselves in fear of the 2012 conspiracy.
the only conspiracy i've wrapped too much of my time in is, (do i have to say it?) UFOs!
anyways, back to christmas. I've done my shopping. I got my mother a nice necklace from J Crew and my dad a Polo shirt, (but that was just from target) and I got my sister a brown fleece jacket. I will not name any of the gifts I got for my friends because maybe they are reading this, who knows.
I miss Lacie :( I really wish she was here this year. No one is home this year. It's going to be so different, not having two places to go for christmas. staying up all night watching funny videos on youtube with my sisters by the fire place, making our cats have conversations in english and spanish accents. sometimes chinese or black people accents. absolutely no one understands us, or our humor. it's also traditional that we watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. All my stupid dad likes to watch are shakira shake down videos and christina aguilera christmas music. and jazz & classical music, which isnt bad.
UGH!
I want to be with my sisters right now sooooo bad.
and i'm sick.
this sucks.
it's just a little cold right now, and i have to work tomorrow from 2-5 or 2-6. something like that, it's going to be incredibly busy!
hopefully i get some visits, i love being visited more than anything.
it's pretty nifty.
well, i could write more about my feelings or my thoughts..
but i'm not.
i'm kind of over this blog.
bye!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
why the hell is everyone a pokemon this month?
it's annoying, when half of (or how it seems) my friends list have these little display pictures of pokemon.
meh, whatever. i sold pokemon cards in like 5th grade in this huge binder of mine. i had so many, and i would buy them from this little shop on Main Street. I forgot what it was called...legends or something?
anyways, that era should be far over!
maybe i am just bitter.
this weekend i have plans to go christmas shopping. so i'd like to get a vague idea of who i am purchasing gifts for and what kind of things people want. they have to be sort of small. depending on your importance to me of course. ;] tehe.
So, I've been seeing these X's in the sky lately. usually when the sky starts getting darker.
it almost looks like black clouds shaped as little X's.
Tonight I saw a really big X. Almost as if it was some portal or something, then I tried taking a picture of it. But on the camera, it was just sky.
They say that the dark plays with your mind, but in this case it isn't that dark. It's a little after sunset when there is still enough light to see clouds and stars. you know what I mean? I don't know, I feel ridiculous.
Last night I woke up to porn. Cinemax, or how many people say it (SKIN-emax).
I dosed off around, eh, 11. Then I guess Matt kept IM'ing me around midnight or so and I woke up, must of been a light sleep. So i hear moaning, and i'm like, hm i wonder if knocked up is on or maybe hannah montana.
I look up and i see this ethnic couple in a sauna, the girl sitting on his lap bouncing up and down (for those who don't know this position, it's the reverse cowgirl.) and i was just like, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK cause i remember falling asleep to some cheesy romance movie or something. I click info and it was like, deeeeeeeep erotic something: 2.
I dont really know I didnt stick around to read it, i changed the channel immediately. I feel awkward watching that kind of stuff! I mean, what if I actually got turned on at some mediocre soft-core porn with Enrique-wannabes?!
how awful would that be!
luckily, this was just a coincidence. I mean, I have no problem with classy well structured porn. Although none of it is anything you'd ever really find me watching unless it was involved with a man and we were fulfilling some fantasy, but, whatever.
So. Todays grocery store adventures held interesting happenings.
I got hit on in the frozen food section by a 70 something year old man (looked healthy, not scrawny, possible heart disease?) basically telling me that i looked fertile, ew! I had my coat in the front of my cart and we were side-by-side looking at frozen things and he said "so doll, what will you be enjoying tonight?"
i say "excuse me?"
"food, darlin." with a smile.
"oh, ha, just frozen waffles i guess." and i reach to pick out my selected waffles and he looks at my coat in the cart. tells me that he thought it was a baby in there. I say, no sir, much too young for that...
"you look like you are old enough to have all the children you want"
"...um. thanks? what's your name?"
"Ed. a lovely lady like you must have a handsome man at home"
"nope ed, no man. there are only boys where i'm from. i am only 17, you know."
"17, get out of town. if i'm making you uncomfortable at all, i'll just be on my way"
"no no, that isnt it. but i should go, i have to meet up with a couple friends. it was really nice meeting you ed."
"you too doll" with a tip of his hat, he was gone.
now, i dialogued that as best as i could, that was basically how the random conversation went.
i just find it so silly, haha. men that age cant even really get it up anymore without the help of medication. what do they care?
anyways, it was really odd to say the least.
just so we're on the same page, i DONT like old men. ugh!
besides, the only man who will always have the ability to win my heart is the one and only michael cera :] that or andy samberg.
bridget and i had one of our long nightly chats tonight and i realized how much i dearly love her.
we always say the right things to each other, just the best of friends. if we were a guy and a girl, we'd so date because of how much we'd mesh! we have the right things in common, yet differ in so many ways.
thats why i'm glad we are best friends. : )
that was so disney channel.
i can get so lame in blogs.
i'm gonna go,
-mel
it's annoying, when half of (or how it seems) my friends list have these little display pictures of pokemon.
meh, whatever. i sold pokemon cards in like 5th grade in this huge binder of mine. i had so many, and i would buy them from this little shop on Main Street. I forgot what it was called...legends or something?
anyways, that era should be far over!
maybe i am just bitter.
this weekend i have plans to go christmas shopping. so i'd like to get a vague idea of who i am purchasing gifts for and what kind of things people want. they have to be sort of small. depending on your importance to me of course. ;] tehe.
So, I've been seeing these X's in the sky lately. usually when the sky starts getting darker.
it almost looks like black clouds shaped as little X's.
Tonight I saw a really big X. Almost as if it was some portal or something, then I tried taking a picture of it. But on the camera, it was just sky.
They say that the dark plays with your mind, but in this case it isn't that dark. It's a little after sunset when there is still enough light to see clouds and stars. you know what I mean? I don't know, I feel ridiculous.
Last night I woke up to porn. Cinemax, or how many people say it (SKIN-emax).
I dosed off around, eh, 11. Then I guess Matt kept IM'ing me around midnight or so and I woke up, must of been a light sleep. So i hear moaning, and i'm like, hm i wonder if knocked up is on or maybe hannah montana.
I look up and i see this ethnic couple in a sauna, the girl sitting on his lap bouncing up and down (for those who don't know this position, it's the reverse cowgirl.) and i was just like, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK cause i remember falling asleep to some cheesy romance movie or something. I click info and it was like, deeeeeeeep erotic something: 2.
I dont really know I didnt stick around to read it, i changed the channel immediately. I feel awkward watching that kind of stuff! I mean, what if I actually got turned on at some mediocre soft-core porn with Enrique-wannabes?!
how awful would that be!
luckily, this was just a coincidence. I mean, I have no problem with classy well structured porn. Although none of it is anything you'd ever really find me watching unless it was involved with a man and we were fulfilling some fantasy, but, whatever.
So. Todays grocery store adventures held interesting happenings.
I got hit on in the frozen food section by a 70 something year old man (looked healthy, not scrawny, possible heart disease?) basically telling me that i looked fertile, ew! I had my coat in the front of my cart and we were side-by-side looking at frozen things and he said "so doll, what will you be enjoying tonight?"
i say "excuse me?"
"food, darlin." with a smile.
"oh, ha, just frozen waffles i guess." and i reach to pick out my selected waffles and he looks at my coat in the cart. tells me that he thought it was a baby in there. I say, no sir, much too young for that...
"you look like you are old enough to have all the children you want"
"...um. thanks? what's your name?"
"Ed. a lovely lady like you must have a handsome man at home"
"nope ed, no man. there are only boys where i'm from. i am only 17, you know."
"17, get out of town. if i'm making you uncomfortable at all, i'll just be on my way"
"no no, that isnt it. but i should go, i have to meet up with a couple friends. it was really nice meeting you ed."
"you too doll" with a tip of his hat, he was gone.
now, i dialogued that as best as i could, that was basically how the random conversation went.
i just find it so silly, haha. men that age cant even really get it up anymore without the help of medication. what do they care?
anyways, it was really odd to say the least.
just so we're on the same page, i DONT like old men. ugh!
besides, the only man who will always have the ability to win my heart is the one and only michael cera :] that or andy samberg.
bridget and i had one of our long nightly chats tonight and i realized how much i dearly love her.
we always say the right things to each other, just the best of friends. if we were a guy and a girl, we'd so date because of how much we'd mesh! we have the right things in common, yet differ in so many ways.
thats why i'm glad we are best friends. : )
that was so disney channel.
i can get so lame in blogs.
i'm gonna go,
-mel
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
my mouth is touching your mouth, is running. no loving for nothing, knock my body out.
today was scary :(
I slammed my finger in the door and i was like FUUUUCK, this hurts so bad. and i looked down and my fingernail was like, bleeding. I didn't think much of it until i was sitting there and my heart just started speeding up and i felt really woozy. i thought it was because of how bad it hurt and seeing blood. then i felt like i was going to throw up immediately, but weirdly enough i never did. instead my vision got all weird and slowly brighter and brighter until i couldn't see at all. then i tried talking and i couldnt hear myself. so i tried getting myself downstairs to my half-brother michael for some help and i could barely make it down the stairs without passing out at the bottom. i felt like i was knocked out for forever, but having a glass of water really helped. i have no idea why that happened, but my sister said i had a panic attack because of the stupid pain. but i had to have been stressed out about something too. i guess you can say that sounds correct. mentally i'm not the healthiest person. i thought i've been better too but i don't know, i have really deep lows.
anyways, i'm fine now, can't really feel my finger though but it's okay. after i felt better i went over to bridgets yet again to play another game of apples to apples with bridget tony abby and gianna. bridgets mom had just gotten a chemical peel and looked a little ridiculous haha, but i love her anyways. we were getting ready to go to a school game thing and had a little photoshoot in the midst of it all. i'll post some pictures after this blog is done being typed : )
i'm a little bummed about this upcoming christmas. it'll be the first christmas where none of my family is in town, well basically none. Lacie just got married as you all know, and she & zack live in Hawaii so I think they are spending it there or with his family in Washington. Natalie & her husband Terry are spending time with his family this year since they were with my family last year. it's almost like visitation between children and their parents haha. Taking turns with eachothers families for christmas. And Andre and his wife Lindsey & my niece live in Wyoming with Lindsey's family because they can't afford to live on their own anywhere else. So buying a ticket to come here is definitely out of the question. It's also my turn to wake up at my dads house for christmas, basically meaning my mom has to spend a majority of it alone which really kills me. I know her boyfriend was shit and we all hated him but at least she had someone she 'loved' to spend holidays with but now she has absolutely no one. I know she's made mistakes with us but she's still my mother and I don't want to see her lonely on Christmas, but luckily i think she is going up to visit my sister and them for christmas. I guess I wont be spending much time in Beaufort for Christmas. This sucks, especially because I fucking miss Lacie. Holidays aren't the same without her.
I hate Christmas though, when you don't have that 'special person' to buy a gift for and be all cute with, but hey there is always bridget haha. She is also easy to pick presents out for. I will be getting all my friends gifts this year, though. I won't be able to spend much. Ugh, I just hope I have a good Christmas.
Scott Frank keeps calling me to hang out but I am finding myself less interested in hanging out with him as time goes by. Only because I had a weird dream about him. We went to New York and he was being such an asshole to me, kept grabbing me in inappropriate places and then I told him I was afraid of fire or something (which is weird cause I'm really not) & he kept lighting matches in my face and laughing. Now I just think of him as a prick because of that dream haha, and i take it out on him in reality. isn't that weird? I wonder if anyone else changes their view on people because of a dream they have about them. Maybe it's just me but I need to stop doing that because it's just a terrible concept! I'm making people out to be something that they probably arent.
My dad is going out of town tomorrow until saturday. Meaning I'll have a lot of nights alone in this house, it's kinda scary. But exciting at the same time, no curfew! My dad makes NO sense haha. When he's home he will treat me like i'm twelve but when he leaves the state he wont care what i'm doing while he's gone. Theres no rules, all he said was to not throw a party. And trust me, this time i'm DEFINITELY not. How stupid, if i didn't the last time i'd still have a fucking ipod.
whoever is still reading this and is somewhat interested in these random aspects of my life, i love you! that's very sweet of you!
now i could have sworn there was some other things i wanted to say...
it'll come to me i'm sure. and if it does I'll save it for the next blogs presence.
now it's picture time.
I slammed my finger in the door and i was like FUUUUCK, this hurts so bad. and i looked down and my fingernail was like, bleeding. I didn't think much of it until i was sitting there and my heart just started speeding up and i felt really woozy. i thought it was because of how bad it hurt and seeing blood. then i felt like i was going to throw up immediately, but weirdly enough i never did. instead my vision got all weird and slowly brighter and brighter until i couldn't see at all. then i tried talking and i couldnt hear myself. so i tried getting myself downstairs to my half-brother michael for some help and i could barely make it down the stairs without passing out at the bottom. i felt like i was knocked out for forever, but having a glass of water really helped. i have no idea why that happened, but my sister said i had a panic attack because of the stupid pain. but i had to have been stressed out about something too. i guess you can say that sounds correct. mentally i'm not the healthiest person. i thought i've been better too but i don't know, i have really deep lows.
anyways, i'm fine now, can't really feel my finger though but it's okay. after i felt better i went over to bridgets yet again to play another game of apples to apples with bridget tony abby and gianna. bridgets mom had just gotten a chemical peel and looked a little ridiculous haha, but i love her anyways. we were getting ready to go to a school game thing and had a little photoshoot in the midst of it all. i'll post some pictures after this blog is done being typed : )
i'm a little bummed about this upcoming christmas. it'll be the first christmas where none of my family is in town, well basically none. Lacie just got married as you all know, and she & zack live in Hawaii so I think they are spending it there or with his family in Washington. Natalie & her husband Terry are spending time with his family this year since they were with my family last year. it's almost like visitation between children and their parents haha. Taking turns with eachothers families for christmas. And Andre and his wife Lindsey & my niece live in Wyoming with Lindsey's family because they can't afford to live on their own anywhere else. So buying a ticket to come here is definitely out of the question. It's also my turn to wake up at my dads house for christmas, basically meaning my mom has to spend a majority of it alone which really kills me. I know her boyfriend was shit and we all hated him but at least she had someone she 'loved' to spend holidays with but now she has absolutely no one. I know she's made mistakes with us but she's still my mother and I don't want to see her lonely on Christmas, but luckily i think she is going up to visit my sister and them for christmas. I guess I wont be spending much time in Beaufort for Christmas. This sucks, especially because I fucking miss Lacie. Holidays aren't the same without her.
I hate Christmas though, when you don't have that 'special person' to buy a gift for and be all cute with, but hey there is always bridget haha. She is also easy to pick presents out for. I will be getting all my friends gifts this year, though. I won't be able to spend much. Ugh, I just hope I have a good Christmas.
Scott Frank keeps calling me to hang out but I am finding myself less interested in hanging out with him as time goes by. Only because I had a weird dream about him. We went to New York and he was being such an asshole to me, kept grabbing me in inappropriate places and then I told him I was afraid of fire or something (which is weird cause I'm really not) & he kept lighting matches in my face and laughing. Now I just think of him as a prick because of that dream haha, and i take it out on him in reality. isn't that weird? I wonder if anyone else changes their view on people because of a dream they have about them. Maybe it's just me but I need to stop doing that because it's just a terrible concept! I'm making people out to be something that they probably arent.
My dad is going out of town tomorrow until saturday. Meaning I'll have a lot of nights alone in this house, it's kinda scary. But exciting at the same time, no curfew! My dad makes NO sense haha. When he's home he will treat me like i'm twelve but when he leaves the state he wont care what i'm doing while he's gone. Theres no rules, all he said was to not throw a party. And trust me, this time i'm DEFINITELY not. How stupid, if i didn't the last time i'd still have a fucking ipod.
whoever is still reading this and is somewhat interested in these random aspects of my life, i love you! that's very sweet of you!
now i could have sworn there was some other things i wanted to say...
it'll come to me i'm sure. and if it does I'll save it for the next blogs presence.
now it's picture time.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Oh take it all away, I don't feel it anymore.
hiiiii,
i hope everyone had an amazing day.
last night i had dinner with an old friend, that was nice.
it was good to see him.
and today i had a lot of things to do around the house and school work.
then i went over to bridgets house where we made a frozen pizza waiting for tonys arrival.
he wanted to play apples to apples with us, i lost as always.
then we just kind of hung around and cameron met up with us to play soccer in a huge field.
i'm not bad anymore! ha i used to play in 3rd grade and i retained some skills i guess.
i can name a few people who would be impressed by this. haha!
work tonight felt so loooong. i had a long chat with one of my managers, she shared her personal love life stories with me and sexual encounters while i awkwardly nodded along. its weird knowing someone only in the work place then hearing about how she bones this guy who is her friend nightly asking me for my opinion on whether she should date him or not. i said, nah, once you have been sleeping with him for this long he's never really going to take you seriously anyways and you dont want to lose a 3 year friendship with him. she's really pretty and a few years older than me and i was surprised to know that she's only into black men. she didn't seem like that type at all, oh well. speaking of work! aw, i helped this adorable foreign father get all these christmas presents. it was kind of annoying because he had 5 pages of clothes his kids picked out from abercrombie and fitch and most of it was clothes the only had online so i took him around the store finding everything similar to what he wanted. i ended up having him spend over 200 dollars!
i heard either today or yesterday that someone was a lesbian now (...or 'bi' technically? i'm not sure what) and i have to say i was really surprised. I had no idea she'd ever be into that. Although I don't know too much of her anyways.
i'm learning bohemian rhapsody on the piano, the elegant part of it. ha i cant wait til i master it, then i'll be playing the same songs i always play for my friends and then just surprise them with a random Queen song.
I'm going to wrap this blog up with this. Matt showed me this short film tonight and i think it's the cutest thing ever, although really predictable at the same time.
it's some '500 days of summer' type shit. i'm surprised he even liked this sort of stuff.
i hope everyone had an amazing day.
last night i had dinner with an old friend, that was nice.
it was good to see him.
and today i had a lot of things to do around the house and school work.
then i went over to bridgets house where we made a frozen pizza waiting for tonys arrival.
he wanted to play apples to apples with us, i lost as always.
then we just kind of hung around and cameron met up with us to play soccer in a huge field.
i'm not bad anymore! ha i used to play in 3rd grade and i retained some skills i guess.
i can name a few people who would be impressed by this. haha!
work tonight felt so loooong. i had a long chat with one of my managers, she shared her personal love life stories with me and sexual encounters while i awkwardly nodded along. its weird knowing someone only in the work place then hearing about how she bones this guy who is her friend nightly asking me for my opinion on whether she should date him or not. i said, nah, once you have been sleeping with him for this long he's never really going to take you seriously anyways and you dont want to lose a 3 year friendship with him. she's really pretty and a few years older than me and i was surprised to know that she's only into black men. she didn't seem like that type at all, oh well. speaking of work! aw, i helped this adorable foreign father get all these christmas presents. it was kind of annoying because he had 5 pages of clothes his kids picked out from abercrombie and fitch and most of it was clothes the only had online so i took him around the store finding everything similar to what he wanted. i ended up having him spend over 200 dollars!
i heard either today or yesterday that someone was a lesbian now (...or 'bi' technically? i'm not sure what) and i have to say i was really surprised. I had no idea she'd ever be into that. Although I don't know too much of her anyways.
i'm learning bohemian rhapsody on the piano, the elegant part of it. ha i cant wait til i master it, then i'll be playing the same songs i always play for my friends and then just surprise them with a random Queen song.
I'm going to wrap this blog up with this. Matt showed me this short film tonight and i think it's the cutest thing ever, although really predictable at the same time.
it's some '500 days of summer' type shit. i'm surprised he even liked this sort of stuff.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
the needles, the space, time can't erase and buttoned down, you'll get the best of me
Who knows your tickle spots?
anyone who aimed for finding them, i'm not even sure myself where all of them are
Are you happy with who you are?
well, it's a process.
Have you ever been searched by the cops?
in an airport, but that's nothing special!
When's the last time you've been sledding?
oh gosh. maybe around...five? i would love to go again though.
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends on my mood, sometimes i like having the bed to myself. but it's nice having a warm body to blanket you while you drift off to sleep : )
Do you believe in ghosts?
well, i can't really say. but i definitely don't not believe in them.
Do you consider yourself creative?
i have my moments i suppose.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
yea. my body doesnt like it too much
Has the last person you had a relationship with ever lied to you?
of course
Have you sneezed in the past hour?
nope
Who is your favorite teacher of all time?
i've luckily had quite a few!
How long does it take you to fall asleep?
i like to kind of day dream before i actually dream. i think and picture (with my eyes closed) a scenario in which i'd be extremely happy. it then usually leads into a dream where something like that happens and it becomes really realistic. then i wake up, and reality laughs in my face.
Are you scared about the end of the world?
more-so what i get accomplished before then. i want to know and do so much more.
Is there a TV in the room you are in?
yes.
What comes to your mind when I say red?
just a bunch of red. i guess i'm really boring
Favorite fast food restaurant?
not a big fast food person, but i like to rarely hit up jack in the box just because i never see them and when i do, it's amazing
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
haha in like 6th grade. i punched a boy in courtyard, for annoying me. he was one of those runts that were shorter than all the girls and had a high pitched voice.
Did you have a weird dream last night?
i usually always have really weird dreams, last nights was definitely weird.
Do you wish at 11:11?
nope.
When's the last time you were surprised?
the surprises never end.
Your favorite celebrity appears while you're having a shower, you?
i don't know if i have a favorite but if jesse lacey or conor showed up i'd probably grab them in with me immediately and do dirty things to them.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
if everyone was just....happy. wouldnt that solve just about everything?
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
today haha.
Do you trust all of your friends?
not so sure if i believe in trusting anymore
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
most definitely
Do you think the last person you kissed is a player?
ehhhhhhhhhhh
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
it's a process.
Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
love one person of course. but no rush...i am young.
Anyone say they want to be with you forever?
actually, yeah
Do you remember who you liked this time 3 months ago?
ha mhm.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
reject
Have you kissed someone in '09 that means a lot to you?
absolutely
Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
well...i did. i do? i don't know
Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you?
oh my god, what is with all these questions
Has the last person you kissed, met your family?
no
Have you ever received a myspace/facebook message that made you cry?
nope.
Next time you will kiss someone?
when i waaaaaaaaant
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
abby
Do you like to cuddle?
more like love. ah!
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
yeah, yes i do
Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all?
sure
anyone who aimed for finding them, i'm not even sure myself where all of them are
Are you happy with who you are?
well, it's a process.
Have you ever been searched by the cops?
in an airport, but that's nothing special!
When's the last time you've been sledding?
oh gosh. maybe around...five? i would love to go again though.
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends on my mood, sometimes i like having the bed to myself. but it's nice having a warm body to blanket you while you drift off to sleep : )
Do you believe in ghosts?
well, i can't really say. but i definitely don't not believe in them.
Do you consider yourself creative?
i have my moments i suppose.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
yea. my body doesnt like it too much
Has the last person you had a relationship with ever lied to you?
of course
Have you sneezed in the past hour?
nope
Who is your favorite teacher of all time?
i've luckily had quite a few!
How long does it take you to fall asleep?
i like to kind of day dream before i actually dream. i think and picture (with my eyes closed) a scenario in which i'd be extremely happy. it then usually leads into a dream where something like that happens and it becomes really realistic. then i wake up, and reality laughs in my face.
Are you scared about the end of the world?
more-so what i get accomplished before then. i want to know and do so much more.
Is there a TV in the room you are in?
yes.
What comes to your mind when I say red?
just a bunch of red. i guess i'm really boring
Favorite fast food restaurant?
not a big fast food person, but i like to rarely hit up jack in the box just because i never see them and when i do, it's amazing
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
haha in like 6th grade. i punched a boy in courtyard, for annoying me. he was one of those runts that were shorter than all the girls and had a high pitched voice.
Did you have a weird dream last night?
i usually always have really weird dreams, last nights was definitely weird.
Do you wish at 11:11?
nope.
When's the last time you were surprised?
the surprises never end.
Your favorite celebrity appears while you're having a shower, you?
i don't know if i have a favorite but if jesse lacey or conor showed up i'd probably grab them in with me immediately and do dirty things to them.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
if everyone was just....happy. wouldnt that solve just about everything?
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
today haha.
Do you trust all of your friends?
not so sure if i believe in trusting anymore
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
most definitely
Do you think the last person you kissed is a player?
ehhhhhhhhhhh
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"?
it's a process.
Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
love one person of course. but no rush...i am young.
Anyone say they want to be with you forever?
actually, yeah
Do you remember who you liked this time 3 months ago?
ha mhm.
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
reject
Have you kissed someone in '09 that means a lot to you?
absolutely
Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
well...i did. i do? i don't know
Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you?
oh my god, what is with all these questions
Has the last person you kissed, met your family?
no
Have you ever received a myspace/facebook message that made you cry?
nope.
Next time you will kiss someone?
when i waaaaaaaaant
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
abby
Do you like to cuddle?
more like love. ah!
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
yeah, yes i do
Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all?
sure
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Morphine city slippin' dues
So, lovers and friends. what a week it's been.
tomorrow is sunday, its onto a new week.
i've been with bridget and tony a majority of this week, they are so amazing!
i miss hanging out with bridget like this. we can just completely be ourselves and talk about anything.
we'll never judge each other and that's what i love.
i'm not going to lie, even though its been such a fun week, it has been rough as well.
but i'm not really so down anymore.
i feel like me again.
i'm looking for a second job this week, abercrombie doesnt quite pay the bills.
i am thinking about hosting at red fish or something, i like the atmosphere of it.
my dad has so many medical meetings there too, haha. it might be awkward.
Hey dad! let me seat you & your friends, and tell you about the wines we have tonight.
speaking of wine, i've mostly only been a white wine kind of person, but i've developed a broad taste for red wine too.
it makes me feel calm and serene. i like it.
anyways, thats enough writing for now, i must be on my way out.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
This weekend, I will be wearing nothing but duct tape.
No this isn't anything kinky, mind you.
haha, I will be constructing the COOLEST dress ever tomorrow.
First I'm going to get vibrant duct tape colors and mesh them into the design I have planned.
Then I'm going to purchase a long t-shirt, preferably large so I can chop it up how i'd like so it will fit the sketch I have.
Then after that I will stick my duct tape where I want it to go using just enough pressure to define the curves.
Erin is making hers out of cool things as well, we'll be working on this project tomorrow.
We will soon be completely ready for this weekend.
Today was fun!
I've been sort of busy the last few days and this week is going to be massively busy.
With all sorts of fun events and things.
I don't have much to say, so hey! I'll do one of those 10 people things.
-I miss you and it makes me sad that I have no idea how many times a year we will see each other, not many at all! maybe like....once. I love you.
- I'm sorry about how weird I've been acting the last couple weeks, things have been crazy and really insane. I've been neglecting attention towards you and for that I apologize. I haven't been myself and I'm not sure why, it's played a negative role on a lot of things for me lately. Out of all the years I've known you, you've been the strongest.
- I dont know what to say about that incident. I dont know what came over me, just know it wasn't a mistake. But I'm still sorry.
-All I can say is no one has ever treated me like you do and I dont know why you'd be that kind. I don't think I deserve it, you're just such a nice guy.
-For a while I have never thought of anyone higher. And out of nowhere, not seeing it coming, I have lost all respect for you and this was the last time you could disappoint me so. It still will never make sense to me.
- Out of everyone right now you have been there for me the most. No one has been able to help me out like you have, and when you say things I really do listen. You're my best friend and I couldn't have gone through so many things if it wasn't for you. I am so grateful.
- I don't know how much more of you I can take, this is just getting ridiculous.
- We've always had phases of hating each other or being really good friends, have you noticed it was never really in between? It's good to know that we trust each other so much now.
- You don't like girls! Okay, you just don't. No one cares either, just be yourself.
-I know things are hard for you but you always have me. and I know it may seem like the end of the world now but we're so young that instead of making it that way, you can flip it so that it's just the beginning. We still have time to make something new for ourselves!
No this isn't anything kinky, mind you.
haha, I will be constructing the COOLEST dress ever tomorrow.
First I'm going to get vibrant duct tape colors and mesh them into the design I have planned.
Then I'm going to purchase a long t-shirt, preferably large so I can chop it up how i'd like so it will fit the sketch I have.
Then after that I will stick my duct tape where I want it to go using just enough pressure to define the curves.
Erin is making hers out of cool things as well, we'll be working on this project tomorrow.
We will soon be completely ready for this weekend.
Today was fun!
I've been sort of busy the last few days and this week is going to be massively busy.
With all sorts of fun events and things.
I don't have much to say, so hey! I'll do one of those 10 people things.
-I miss you and it makes me sad that I have no idea how many times a year we will see each other, not many at all! maybe like....once. I love you.
- I'm sorry about how weird I've been acting the last couple weeks, things have been crazy and really insane. I've been neglecting attention towards you and for that I apologize. I haven't been myself and I'm not sure why, it's played a negative role on a lot of things for me lately. Out of all the years I've known you, you've been the strongest.
- I dont know what to say about that incident. I dont know what came over me, just know it wasn't a mistake. But I'm still sorry.
-All I can say is no one has ever treated me like you do and I dont know why you'd be that kind. I don't think I deserve it, you're just such a nice guy.
-For a while I have never thought of anyone higher. And out of nowhere, not seeing it coming, I have lost all respect for you and this was the last time you could disappoint me so. It still will never make sense to me.
- Out of everyone right now you have been there for me the most. No one has been able to help me out like you have, and when you say things I really do listen. You're my best friend and I couldn't have gone through so many things if it wasn't for you. I am so grateful.
- I don't know how much more of you I can take, this is just getting ridiculous.
- We've always had phases of hating each other or being really good friends, have you noticed it was never really in between? It's good to know that we trust each other so much now.
- You don't like girls! Okay, you just don't. No one cares either, just be yourself.
-I know things are hard for you but you always have me. and I know it may seem like the end of the world now but we're so young that instead of making it that way, you can flip it so that it's just the beginning. We still have time to make something new for ourselves!
Man Man is a great band.
It has a mix of all sorts of instruments, especially a smooth-sounding-saxophone ;]
plus, with a raspy unique voice.
it's very folkish as well.
I have been playing all their songs straight and not had one complaint.
Very relaxing.
by the way: you only don't like bluffton kids because you can't get any of them to fuck you anymore. it's about time you stay loyal to your boyfriend.
It has a mix of all sorts of instruments, especially a smooth-sounding-saxophone ;]
plus, with a raspy unique voice.
it's very folkish as well.
I have been playing all their songs straight and not had one complaint.
Very relaxing.
by the way: you only don't like bluffton kids because you can't get any of them to fuck you anymore. it's about time you stay loyal to your boyfriend.
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and I got home late tonight.
I feel as if I'm neglecting Pants. I don't like myself for that reason.
I also feel bad because I'm one of those people who never check their messages. I could have my inbox filled with lots of messages on my phone and never get around to listening to them because I just never feel like it. But I always do eventually, it's just now we're so spoiled with technology it just feels like there are so many other ways to notify someone with something. All these new things are involved with phones, these high tech iPhones, applications, sending pictures and videos, texting, and i can only go on. you never hear "my voicemail" anymore. it's a little sad, i admit. anyways, my family is very old fashioned, leaves lots of voicemails. apparently my sister lacie left me a message or two on christmas that i didn't even know I had until she notified me on another popular portal we have today, which would be known as "Facebook". It's kind of awkward to respond with, uh yeah about that, i don't really use my voicemail. that just sounds stupid. So, not only do I feel like I'm neglecting Pants, but even my own family.
Is it normal to go through different phases with music? for a while, I'll be listening to basically nothing but acoustics and soft/calming things (like Elliott Smith, or The Get Up Kids, things like that). or for a while, i'll be into more upbeat things. But now, I've been into all this old shit. It's all things that I have always loved but spent less time listening to rather than the new-er music I have. Even things like old jazz like Astrud Gilberto or Tom waits. I played a couple mixes I made long ago with pure beatles songs, I love Obla-di Obla-da! & Penny Lane, and so so many others. Jim Morrison & The Monkees have been on my recent list as well as on my heart. Gary Puckett, Gene Pitney, Maria Muldaur, Bebel Gilberto. I had a long discussion of some of this and some of that old jazz with one of those late night talkers. I never talk to him, but when I do it's always a good conversation.
Hey, this year is almost over.
this means New Years is soon, meaning that night should be a lot of fun.
the last time I had a New Years Kiss is with one of my old boyfriends from the old land I used to live on from like 2 or 3 years ago.
Other than that, I don't really know why but I just didn't have one of those epic new years kisses you hear about. I am aiming to get one this year. No matter where I am, or who I am with.
By the way, if this doesn't make my night, I don't know what else will.
CLIIIICK MEEEE!!
Goodnight, crazies.